wow this weekend was great. up till i screwed myself over. fuck i dont want to write anythin else. peace ppl

steve

hey everyone whats up..nm here...i went to visit suny brockport today.i had to get up at 615..on a mothafucking saturday..not bad thou cuz i slept in the car. before i left i went into work got my check and bummed a hug off my guardian angel. that def started my day off good lol plus i got to see kayla in a pissy mood. shes awesome. brockport was cool. its really big thou...st john fisher u could walk out of ur dorm and be right next to ur class. i saw laura there. im thinkin of doin ROTC. i dunno i think it would be cool. not sure how long i have to stay thou. but it was sooo damn cold today. like the car was cold for a good 15mins. my cds almost froze sitting in it. and then i had to walk my ass to the place for the presentation. i dont think so. but it was warm inside. the tour was pretty good..the food is awesome there...im listenin to sweet home alabama..one of the best songs ever. ive decided on my life plans...im going to run away to tijuana mexico and start up a drug cartel..first im gonna sell to the crooked cops so i have protection from the law, then ill start to move in on the columbians. then the jamacians. eventually i will control the largest drug empire in the world..ill have the entire northern hemisphere under my control..ill sell everythin and anythin..i can just live on my yacht the entire time.. i figure by the time im 55 i can just leave the game and live my life in peace with someone. itll be awesome..drugs sex and violence..made for tv movie on my life rite there lol. wow my imagination is great when im bored. and that was a tame idea. that would be totally sweet life thou...better than college and then a boring desk job for the rest of my life.  but anyway global warming would be great for cny cuz then i would not freeze my ass off all the time and i could walk around with shorts on..and nothin else cuz shoes are evil and i think shirts might be too. i live in swimming trunks in the summer if i can. but im gonna do my best to bring about global warming.lol nah just kidding ill just move south..hey another reason to go to mexico..woohooo lol peace ppl

steve

wow this weekend was a blast..lol kinda sorta...friday nite i didnt do shit...sat home and talked to ppl online..stupid fight with my mom again...cuz usually on fridays my brother makes pizza and i make popcorn..i make damn good popcorn..but anyway i just really didnt feel like it..so i just went upstairs..and apparently my dad wanted popcorn.. and so when i didnt make it he had to make it himself...cry me a fuckin river..but i wouldve made it if i had known he really wanted it..but my mom comes upstairs and she says i hope tm when u ask dad to take u driving he says lets go make popcorn..i got so mad...i blew up..im not gonna tell u what i said cuz it was bad lol...saturday  i did absolutely nothin til nite..i sat there and watched tv all day..then i went to church at 430..it was so damn long 2hours...one cuz the bishop was here..so my priest was extra longwinded in his talk...and then the fire alarm went off for 20mins..no one could turn it off. after that i went out to see a movie w/ holli..it was better than last time lol better movie and i managed not to be a shithead..im improving lol jk.. got home around 12 and i slept till 1030...guess what time i was supposed to be at work...11.. crazy shit...then i went home showered ate and then went to CYO and peer ministry..fun times there..not really but oh well..went home and tried to write a paper..i just couldnt too much on my mind..i eventually gave up and talked to ppl online....today is crazy...i went to school at 730 to finish that paper..i did it too..505 words in 45 mins...damn im amazing....lol now all  i have to do is pull off an 85 in my ap bio test that i dont kno...aaahhhh lol im so glad the weekend starts tm..how crazy is that..but the only days i can do anythin is tuesday nite after 7 wednesday till like 3 and friday all day...my family is getting together thrusday and then again saturday...i can not wait to argue with all my liberal relatives...ok so i like politics way too much lol..shit forgot my notebook again..i keep meanin to post the stuff i write but i always forget..maybe tonite...it sux being a senior and only 17..i wish i was 18 cuz there would be so much other shit i could do...ah well ill live... ive been listening to bnl alot more lately and i forgot how much i liked them..like a phrase or a whole verse just clicks with me....why are libraians always bitches...the ones at school are def...so is my mom lol...for some reason im really lookin forward to this weekend i think im gonna have a damn good time...not sure what im doing but oh well...anyway peace ppl

thank god im finally on vacation..how cool is it that i got to leave early today too...im not supposed to but i do anyway...have to work later..itll be boring i dont think anyone is workin....anyway i couldnt fall asleep last nite..troubled thoughts...like i lay there and just thought about stuff..played some pink floyd and then some stevie wonders...not a perfect mix but fuck it....but my guidance conselor came in today and he was sayin that we should imagine ourselves 4 years from now like where we'll be......i tried..i have no fucking clue...does that mean im gonna die in 4 years? i hope not..im havin way too much fun..yea there's been a shitload of drama at home and work and school but it kinda like makes life interesting.... but id rather do with out it....i want to do somethin this weekend just like fun and random..friday will be a blast..thursday will be ok...saturday should be cool...wednesday will suck thou....im workin 4-9..blows my whole day...i cant do shit..maybe wednesday ill go somewhere with my cousins who came in yesterday...they're from iowa...3 girls and 2 boys..the boys arent really relatives..they're korean orphans my aunt and uncle adopted...so mabye only with the girls cuz like we've always been tight...the oldest one is older than me by like 1.5 years and we used to be so close..lol we thought we were getting married when we were like 5..how dumb we were lol but she grew up wicked fast and we just grew apart...the other 2 are younger and we get along ok...im thinkin about quittin mickey d's and  getting a new job...but i dunno..what reason is there for me to stay...i can not wait for the snow to come..i kno alot of ppl hate it but i dont mind it that much...i think that one day im just gonnna get mad ppl together and go sledding at the rez and then to my house for hot choclate..another plan lol....today i had to walk cuz my dad went in early..so i figured maybe if i slept late my mom would say i could stay home..nope...so i woke up 30mins late and took my damn sweet time..it wasnt bad walkin..maybe ill do it more..i dont mind it...ok im out for now...peace ppl..damn forgot my notebook again.shit..oh well..

wow last few days have been nothin but fun times..not really...yesterday in gym some douche fuck robbed me and my friend luke. i lost my entire wallet...so i have to replace my permit, my library card and i lost ike 25 dollars..not fucking cool...and the school was mad gay about like doing anythin about it...if i find the person who did it no lie im gonna just walk up and punch them..and then i go home and my mom bitches at me cuz i forgot to clean up after the dog and my math teacher called cuz i got kicked out again...fuckin vampire..work was actually pretty fun..2 hours flew by and the last one was ok...went home and didnt do jackshit...friday is ludden vs cba..hell yea..gonna be fun times....24 days till xmas...22 days till vacation...320 till my bday lol i think....anyway meghan i finally got my notebook lol heres an old one one of the first ones i wrote...

can you hear me if i scream

can you love me like i dream

why how can u do this to me

you filled deep inside the empty space

slightly cliche but no one can take ur place

sitting up on the windy lonely hill

wish i had you my drug my pill

you kept me sane, kept the anger down in me

now your gone and i dont kno what to do

why why did u have to die

can you hear me when i cry

i kno i kno i cant blame you

but somehow i still feel if i do

i miss your laugh ur special smile

i pick the phone up and start to dial

then i wake up and realize

with tears streaming from my eyes

you're gone, gone from my life

was it worth the pain of that knife

that one nite destroyed so much

you me and everyone you touched......

well i decided to be lazy today and stay home from school...sore throat..called into work so i have nothin to do today....worked yesterday...amy got ticked at me lol cuz i gave her attitude so i had to do trash run and sweep and mop..oh well i dont mind trash runs..i take my damn time...i was thinking of smoking today but i figured it would irrate my throat..someone smoked and forgot to call me how rude are u lol jp...i had the weirdest dream last nite..my friend ethan called me and wanted me and my bro bill to go to a party w/ him..so we went and i dont really remember the party except there were 2 girls and suddenly like we were in a mall or a office or somethin...does that ever happen to anyone where ur dreamin and next thing u kno ur in a whole different place..wierd..but then lol ull think im insane..dinosaurs came into the dream there was a t-rex and some other one..and it was chasing me and my friend stafania throu this building..it was so damn wierd i woke up and i literally sat up and go "what the fuck"?..lol anyway no one is online cuz theyre good lil boys and girls and go to school and we dont have any good movies so im gona just go do w/e peace

steve

well i hate to break it to u all but today isnt friday..at least it doesnt feel like it. but tonite is Ludden vs Cb-gay..hell yea gonna  be a rumble tonite. thats the only reason im in school rite now. otherwise i was stayin home again. yesterday there was almost a brawl up at fay rd w/ some westside kids. i wasnt there but apparently there were like 40 kids up there all together between the two sides. so tm i have to go on a college visit..i didnt even think about going to this college but my dad signed me up anyway. w/e lol i dont care. gonna be back around 4 i think. 22 days till xmas. i can not wait till it snows so i can go to the rez. its gonna be great.  heres a poem i posted on another site but no one commented so i want to kno what u ppl think...even if ur some random  ass person just comment anyway. i dont kno how good this one is...i like the last one better.

how do i explain the knots inside

how do i explain how u threw me aside

you lifted me so high, taught me how to fly

then you let me fall,u didnt even call

can you tell me why u did what u did

all i ask is that you give me an answer

i told you over and over i loved you

you alone and i put none above you

i gave you my heart while you hid yours

i cant stand to think of it anymore

can you tell me why u did what you did

all i ask is that you give me an answer

searching for answers fighting throu the pain

blinking back tears as love drives me insane

just tell me why why wont you call

just one call before i end, end it all

that was me at about 5 today....today was just wierd and stupid and now im confused..anyway i dont want to talk about it so here is somethin i scribbled off at 2 in the morning when i couldnt sleep

everynite i ask myself do they kno the real me

or do i show ppl what i want them to see

a mask for my dad and mom

a mask of peacefulness and calm

another for my friends today

at least thats what they say

but can u be my friend if u dont kno me

how much do u kno how much do u see

everyone has skeletons and secrets they hide

their hopes and dreams deep down inside

too scared to tell the people that care

afraid of being mocked, laughed at as their soul they bare

but such is the risk when u spill ur soul

sometimes it fails and you're left with a hole

an empty space inside of u

where the face of a friend one stood in you

life is pain and suffering, bliss and peace

sometimes u get more than ur share to say the least

but after each dark nite of crying alone

there is a brite new day filled w/ the true friends u kno

well guess what today was..no not tuesday u morons..its monday everyone's fav day of the week..where u have to wake up early and go back to your boring 9-5 job or go to school for 7 hours and moan and complain the entire day. but where else would u go..the mall can only amuse u for so long..and i do not kno anyone who can take day time tv evryday..i cant watch a whole show w/out thanking God im not that pitiful that i weighed 43247 pounds when i was little or that my daughter is a teenage slut at 11 or that i have to go to some gay ass moron judge to have my lil bitch fights solved..and God help the ppl on jerry springer. i wonder if jerry abuses his bodyguards..yakno like lizzie minelli did..now she is a man not braxton lol..i mean come on...she beats on full grown men and makes them fuck her...eww..nasty..id quit.  but anywy i decided that school is useful i guess..not a great place but at least u meet some cool ppl now and then..but small schools are gay cuz eveyone knos everyone elses bizness...but if u have a cool teacher u can just chill in their room and skip..so our mistletoe dance is coming up and we were talkin about it in latin and fr. dan comes over and decides he is going to ask this girl for my friend jeff..she wants to go w/ him but i dont think he wants to or he's just afraid...he did it last year for this girl allison and she was so red lol..anyway im out..peace

fuck after cookie cake today sucked donkey balls...there is a xmas carol called dominic the italian donkey..i have no idea how it goes.but i was told about it today..not that is has anythin to do w/ today sucking. i go to AP bio rite..and we have a lab to do..and its long stupid and hard...and so im sitting there totally lost and she yells at me for no payin attention..i was like ok ok im here..and so we're scraping lil bits of fungus onto a toothpick..dont ask why cuz i dont kno..but i take a clean..clean toothpick and start to chew on it just letting it stick out of my mouth..and she flips a nut on me i mean she goes off..and i sit there taking it and i just go ok enough..and i throw it away and shes still yellin at me and i start yellin at her..and this is a nun rite here so i was def pissed if i was yellin at a nun..so we just went at it and finally im like fine ok u win im gonna die of fugus poisoning happy now..and sat down..then i go to work..i go on lobby and the fries..wow....anyway here's  somethin from way back

I dont wanna come down from this high

I feel like flyin on so high

flying up to touch the sun

Going to get burned watch me chicken and turn

Afraid to commit afraid to get burned

my indecisveness i carry with my all of my days

Afraid to break away and afraid to be me

Afraid to open my eyes to what i might see

thats all i got so far..let me kno what u think..peace

aite for those of u who care heres some poems and a song or two i wrote recently

can you hear me if i scream

can you hear my broken cries

screaming tearing at me on the inside

all these memories of pain

your smooth touch and gentle kiss

were an antitode of bliss

yet the way you let me fall

hurts more than it all

how could u do this to me

why did you do this to me

i cant go on with this pain

im slowly going insane

something told me we were meant to be

you were the one i lived to see

then gentle whisper in my ear

your gentle caress let me kno u care

i swore my undying eternal love

i swore to the earth the heavens above

i thought that you loved me too

but i guess i was just another guy to u

how could u do this to me

why did you do this to me

i cant go on with this pain

im slowly going insane

im so confused on how i feel about u

my head my heart my soul all say the same

that i love u and i have no shame

but everything i see can give me a clue

im throu throu with being with you

thats all for now..bbl w/ more..let me kno what u think

ok so fuck this shit. rite now im not talkin to my parents..again. we got 5 week reports today and i have a 65-69 in AP and i got kicked out of math for the rest of the year. and my parents want me to go back and not take a study hall. stupid morons. i just dont care anymore. i pretended to care for the past 13 years and im done done with caring done with school done with all the fake ppl in it done with all the dumbasses who run and teach the school done with the rules the requirements the dress code the schecdule the irregular discipline the petty lil fight ppl get into the drama the liars the fakes the gossipers the shitheads the punks the ppl who think they matter the ppl who do matter and think they dont the ppl who dont care...im just done. not to mention i cant tell ppl how i feel anymore cuz i never get a chance. fucking A. anyway the only i have to look forward to this week is work, running and thats about it. i cant get a hold of anyone so i cant leave the house. and this may be the last entry for awhile from my house cuz they are thinking of takin away my comp privileges. stupid fuckers fuck.anyway here is a song i wrote a ways back like october. i dont like it but im gonna post it anyway cuz i post evrythin no matter how good or bad ill enter more maybe

look look at me living high and free

look look at you thinking of school and me

we came apart on the fateful nite

i wanted it all for me and not what was rite

you wanted to have me and a life

you chose and you knew i wasnt what was rite

look look at me lying here dreaming

look look at you way far from here

you made it out and made your dreams come true

and now you feel that that life was not for you

we cant go back to before

that part is done time to move on to more

look look at me tryin to succeed

look look at you busted for crack and weed

and now it seems that we've been switched

im on top and you lying in a ditch

ur face is black and blue and still you stay

i can only hope you wake up and get away

look look at me tryin to help you

look look at you telling me its hopeless ur screwed

i wont give up, i wont get out of here

theres some way somehow to work it out

ill fight for you until i die

ill hold you tight as you cry throu the nite

i wont give up i wont get out

we will make it we will both get out

now our life begins again

a clean slate to write the end

of this crazy fucked up drama we call life

as i sit crying on the beach

i look back searching trying to reach

for the answers i know i cant find

i need just to forget just to leave it all behind

this pain i feel is eating me away

it aches inside every nite and every day

oh i miss you yet i kno that ur so far away

just a city block and yet a world away

i need someone somewhere somehow

to take me down of this ledge and pull me down

some to help me along the way

an angel to hold me at nite and brighten my day

maybe someday it will all just go away

but until then a song fills my day

everytime i see you i think of your soft lips

everytime i think of you i see the sway of your hips

that crazy secret smile you gave to me

i remember all those nites of you and me

just holding hands as we sat in the car

watching the waves crashing down look up to the stars

i would reach for you and you for me

and i would just kno that we were meant to be

i was always there for you to watch you fall asleep

i held your hand and saved you from the demons of sleep

and yet now as i sit back look back upon our days

i realized that i brushed off all your insane ways

that way you blew me off and yelled throu the door

why didnt you tell me u couldnt stand it anymore

i wonder why i took you back you had a hold on me

and i think i liked the crazy way inside you made me feel free

by now the pain floats away

a hit or two and i gently blow it all away

carried up on a high to the angels and the clouds

to never come back till i come crashing down

until i come down come down

back to the hard frozen ground

wow i got jipped today. its monday. and it was frikin -23 out w/ windchill. my school doesnt do delays cuz we take kids from all districts. so we either close or stay open. guess how cold it has to be to close -25. we missed by 2 degrees no joke. every other district had delays..not us. so we sat in homeroom till 915. my senior class has 131 kids....67 showed up..at the end of the day there were 49. there were over 300 kids absent. we didnt do shit all day. i slept ate or wrote in every class. not bad except there was no one there. gay shit i wish i went to public school. went for a run today. felt good even thou  im gonna regret it tm cuz its gonna be sore. ppl with cell phones are insanely hard to reach. i called 5 ppl yesterday on their cell phones. i got no calls back lol they were either sleepin, working or just didnt bother to call back. oh and i hate when ppl dont leave me messages on my machine that annoys me so much. 5 days till xmas i think. welcome to cny winter. its cold. peace

standing in the doorway as u drive away

tears streaming silent screams

calling for you without a sound

reaching straining holding back

curse you cursing me this very day

pinching myself praying im dreaming

realizing your gone and my heart pounds

face of stone finally breaks and cracks

i close the door

and let it all go screaming and sobbing

wishing i had begged a little bit more

now you're gone and i wish i had told u it all

face stone finally breaks and cracks

tears start streaming as i slip away

lying in the tub as the blood flows

the knife and the note will them them it all

face of stone finally breaks and cracks

i crumbled and smashed and now its done

you are the one i live for

yet i cant be with you anymore

i just cant take this burning pain

i kno i kno its driving me insane

pushing me closer to the edge

someone please help me off this ledge

i want to jump to end it all

blissful peace awaits at the end of my fall

scream out to the nite

scream curse from the fright

fright of it all fright from my fall

 yet i kno this wont cure my pain

only one thing soothes my pain

you touch your scent your gentle kiss

just your abuse brings me bliss

wind blowing through my hair

as i stand way high up there

as i close my eyes and hold on tight

hearing the silent sounds of the nite

i look back tryin to see

what is the right path for me

the cold hard steel of the knife

serious thoughts of taking my life

its gentle caress against my wrist

squeeze the blade in my fist

confusion illusion they all cause

life whips by so fast without a pause

tryin to keep running from my dreams

they terrify me with dark evil themes

my screams echo from the hall

and then i kno im alone to face it all

scream out to the nite

scream curse from the fright

fright of it all fright from my fall

yet i kno this wont cure my pain

only one thing can soothe this pain

you touch your scent your loving kiss

just your abuse brings me bliss

i couldnt tell you that i was wrong

so i left came home sat down and i wrote this song

i couldnt tell youthat you were rite

so shut the door and laid awake all nite

i dont want to come down from this high

i feel like flyin on so much higher in the sky

flying up to touch the sun

i dont think it can be done

going to get burned watch me chicken and turn

afraid to commit afraid to get burned

too scared to say what i truly feel

i just want to curl up and let my wounds heal

my indeciveness i carry with me all of my days

afraid to break away and afraid to be me

afraid to open my eyes to what i mite see

sitting here thinkin of you

layin here wonderin what the hell to do

how do i apologize and explain

i fucked up didnt mean to cause you so much pain

I dont want to come down from this high

I feel like flyin so much higher into the sky

flyin up to touch the sun

i dont think it really can be done

going to get burned watch me chicken and turn

afraid to committ and afraid to get burned

too scared to say what i truly feel

just want to curl up in a ball let my wounds heal

my indecivenss i carry with me always

till the end of our days

afraid to break away afraid to be me

afraid to open my eyes to what i mite see

all i ask is that you find a way

to forgive me for what i did today

i was drunk i didnt mean it

i was scared when i screamed it

I dont wanna come down from this high

i feel like flyin to so high into the sky

flyin up to touch the sun

i really dont kno if it can be done

going to get burned watch me chicken and turn

afraid to say what i truly feel

i just want to curl up and let my wounds heal

my indeciveness will stay with me for the rest of my days

afraid to break away afraid to be me

afraid to open my eyes to what i mite see

i thought that we were through

didnt kno till then how much i loved you

now i need you more than ever before

but i wouldnt blame you for walking out that door...how much does it matter anymore

how do i explaoin the knots inside

how do i explain the way you threw me aside

you lifted me so high, taught me how to fly

then you just let me fall u didnt even bother to call

can you tell me why u did what you did

all i ask is that you give me an answer

i told you over and over u were the one i love

you and you alone put none above

i gave you my heart i gave you my soul while you hide yours

heart piercing pain from the words behind slammed doors

can you tell me why u did what you did

 all i ask is that you give me an answer

searching for answers fighting throu the pain

blinking back the tears, love is isane

just tell me why, wont u call

just please one call before i end it all

can you tell me why u did what you did

all i ask is that you give me an answer

i got kicked out of my house today. fun. not. last nite my dad and i got in a fight cuz after work i wanted to go and hang out at holli's house. just watch a movie her mom was home and everythin. it was totally cool. but no he says. just no. wont give me an answer. and so i said something along the lines of hey what the hell im not a stupid lil kid answer my question. and we got in this long arguement that went on and on about everything. so i just went home ate and worked out some anger. that was punching walls repeatedly, playing some pool, doing as many push ups as i could till i fell and then doing more and tryin to write a lil. i was still pissed afterwards so i just went to bed. and then today the fun started. my mom has been pissed at me for the past few days and im not quite sure why. so anyway she was pissing me off this morning so i went for a run. she yelled at me for not telling her where i was going even though i left a note. and then apparently someone dumped a basket of her clean clothes on the cellar floor and she went off on me for it and called me a asshole and some other names and i tried really hard to stay cool but i just was like fuck this shit. and so i blew up. i threw everything i could reach and we were yelling at each other and i finally was like fuck u u stupid pmsing bitch and she told me to leave so i left. i just walked around . what a way to end my year rite. fuck lol peace ppl

i spend way to much time thinking of subject lines. ahh. well lets see. new years eve. left my house. walked for about 4 hours stopped at the library, tanzellas, tims, and finally ended up in lakeland. walked all the way back to camillus to my grandma's house and stayed there till about 1 am. then my dad picked me up and i went home and watch harold and kumar go to whitecastle. that made me feel better cuz thats some funny ass shit. hey holli this weekend u need to watch that.if i still have it. woke up at 11 the next day and played baseball w/ my lil bro. my grandma came over for the day to stop me and my mom from killing each other. i finally got out of the house and went to see that lemony snicket movie. kinda creepy shit. jim carrey is amazing as usual. and then just as i walk out of the theater i hear someone say hi to niki. i knew the voice i just couldnt recognize it. i turn around and almost jumped. it was the VC herself. for those of u who dont kno VC is one of the biggest mistakes i have or ever will make. theres a whole long story behind it that id rather not ever go into again. i was almost convincing myself it never happend and i run into her at the movies. i duck into the bathroom and spend a few minutes in there convinced she'll leave. but no. i come out and im hanging out by the balcony waiting for holli and niki.and she walks over and starts to talk to me. i really was thinking how bad could it hurt if i jumped to get away. but finally holli and niki came out and i could leave. ahh someone shoot me. i look back at all the stupid shit i did and i laugh at myself for being such a dumbass. and then i think i may have fucked up a chance w/ someone last month but im not sure cuz there were ppl telling me 2 different things. anyway enough bitching. i came home really early and i didnt bother going in the house i just turned around after i got in the gate and walked to the rez and sat there till about 1230. i did alot of thinking but i couldnt get any answers. i got home and just went up stairs and passed out. fun time rite.yea anyway.........shit.....i dont even kno. all i kno is that i have 8 months and im out of here. its offical im going to college. i guess. i got accepted into canisus and st. john fisher. that should be interesting. canisus offered me a 12,000 dollar scholarship. each year for 4 years. not bad. st johns is offering between 6 and 10 grand a year. i cant believe break is over. this sux donkey balls. anyway im hungry and there's choclate cake downstairs. so im gonna go check that out and watch some tv. peace

In the year 2005 I resolve to:
  Stop smoking pot by taking up crack instead.

 lol these are great go to www.geekfoo.com
  

ok  heres some stuff i wrote awhile ago up at the rez

have you ever looked into the sky

looked up at the stars and wonder why

why do i exist why am i here

looking to the stars trying to make it clear

i spend my days

tryin to find new ways

to figure it all out

whats this thing called life all about

 i cant get out

i cant get all the way in

living this harsh life of sin

whats my life all about

whats the point of memories

and the hell is with all this sentimentalities

im so done with all the bullshit

people i trust just end up being full of it

i have no faith i have no trust

turn my soul to metal but im afraid ill rust

but at least it might stop the pain

stop these memoires from driving me insane

i need to clear my head

i need to get rid of these feelings and everything ive said

ive said too much opened way too far

and now i feel as if i mite not clear the bar

but is successs all that its made out to be

so what if i have a job a car and family

on the outside it looks so damn good

but im so empty underneath the hood

i spend my days

trying to find new ways

to figure it all out

whats this thing called life really all about

im sorry i raised my voice

yelled screamed and pleaded

i didnt think i had a choice

i was scared and i was lost

strange feeling inside

wanted to be with you no matter the cost

and i just want to thank you

for being there for me

i want to give it all up for you

you left and i realize

that i cant live with out u

and that hit me with tears in my eyes

you gave me a reason to be

you gave me a reason to breathe

and i just want you to kno

that i can try to grow

change my way

watch what i say

be polite and care for you

anything u ask just to be with u

and i just want you to kno

im not really that shallow

its all an act, a cover up

trying to mask my insecurities cover up

my inabilities to see

what where when why and how i fucked up

all we had i want it back

i want things to be the way they were meant to be

and so i just want to say..im sorry

i wrote this one after listening to "another brick in the wall by pink floyd" i like the korn version better.

i knock on your door

come in you say

stomp my wet shoes on the floor

ive been waiting for this day

dreading praying hoping it will come

i look you in the eye and softly i say ive come to say goodbye

 

goodbye to all the late nites

goodbye to all the play fights

goodbye to the warm times

goodbye to that funny clock chimes

goodbye to your sweet smile

goodbye im not just leaving for awhile

im gone for good, not sure if i should

 

im done with all the hurt

im done with all the pain

im out of my mind

do u think im insane

 

goodbye to all the mistakes i made

goodbye to your drama queen parade

goodbye to hang ups late at nite

goodbye to all the stupid fights

goodbye to the strange cologne

goodbye to other guys on your phone

goodbye to your sneaking

goodbye to ur late nite creeping

 

im done with all the hurt

im done with all the pain

im out of my mind

do u think that im insane

 

goodbye to your sweet smell

goodbye to this living hell

goodbye to winter sleigh rides

goodbye to your damn lies

goodbye to the slow dances

goodbye to ur ex's advances

goodbye to long walks on the beach

goodbye to your annoying screech

im done with all the hurt

im done with all the pain

im losing my mind

do u think im insane.....

so it was just an illusion

sorry for the confusion

i thought our love was real

but im just young who knos what i feel

so all those hugs and smiles

was just a front leading me on for miles

the nites on the phone

times when we were all alone

im sorry i was suspicious

but mistrust defined us

you spied on me

and i spied on you

so much in love didnt want to believe

my hands were like a sieve

trying to catch u

as my life u passed throu

so it was just an illusion

sorry for the confusion

i thought our love was real

im dumb who knos what i feel

i saw the photos

of u two in the gazebos

you screamed at me for spying

i screamed at u for lying

we hate ourselves

i smashed the stuff on ur shelves

we tried to make up

prolonging the break up

we both kno its coming

so we're both running

trying to keep away

from that coming day

so it was just an illusion

sorry for the confusion

i thought our love was real

didnt kno what u truly feel

so now you caught me

you shouldnt have sought for me

ignorance is bliss

and so was most of this

ill remember the good times

reflect and rewind

go take a long drive

maybe take a deep dive

into refuge of drugs

they mask the pain like ur hugs

ill call u someday, apologize

but rite now im running from the tears in my eyes

so it was just an illusion 

sorry for the confusion

i thought our love was real

maybe someday ill finally heal

hey let me kno what u think k? peace

ok this one is a WIP..or work in progress..im tryin to make it longer but if it doesnt go then this is it

house of silent screams

house of broken dreams

broken glass broken doors

no body lives here anymore

but behind it leaves

so many, so many bad memories

memories of drug use

memories of abuse

chains on the radiator

daddy left long ago just said see u later

leaving me against the wall

as i think about it all

was it my fault somehow

too much pain to think about it now

feels like my heads about to explode

why must i carry the load

care for everyone in my home

no time for me to be alone

think the simple fun thoughts in life

would it better if  i found a knife

mother wanted to be a star

she tried so hard didnt make it far

now she broken like everythin i own

she passes out pissin and moan

maybe she shouldnt date those jerks

they abuse her, give her the works

this has gone on for too long

this is my broken song.....

let me kno what u think...peace

i hate this. its snowing/hailing/freezing rain. and do i have school..yes. why. i havent had a snowday yet this year and i live in cny. we get almost 200 inches a year and we have jack shit now. damn global warming. damn tsunami. lol someone blamed our weather on the tsunami yesterday. they were dead serious. i was like are u kidding me? duh. stupid ppl. anyway heres one more unpublished poem. i have more i just dont kno where i put them

i feel my self control slipping away

a little less remains after everyday

i cant hang on for very long

slips through my outstretched hands like water

blowing away in the wind like the rose i bought her

i cant hold on for very long

i can see the end result

i kno its not all my fault

i cant hang on for very long

each day passes, closer to the edge

one little push and im going off the ledge

i cant hang on for very long

people annoy me just to spite me

i wonder how many really want to fight me

i cant hang on for very long

everyone tells me im special

i just laugh and tell them to go to hell

i cant hang on for very long

all this bullshit left us jaded

these ideas of purity and goodness have faded

we cant hang on for very long

 

heres somethin i just wrote today in 3rd period

i want to breathe

just to feel the rush of air

everywhere

i want to bleed

just to kno im alive

i want to cry

just so u kno i can feel

i want to leave

to see if there's anything important behind

i want to go

just so people will kno

i want to exist

im tired of being angry and pissed

i want to heal

just so i kno my scars are real

i want to run

just to see if it can be done

i want to drink

drink away all the fucked up things ive done

i want to puke

to feel the burn in my throat

i want to learn

so i can say i was there

 

do u care

i dont think u do

but i can ask myself the same

is this life just a game

forfeit win or lose

either way i cant choose

even in winning ill lose

something someone somewhere

im starting not to care

drugs are my refuge

i cant not refuse

ive lost my self control

keep digging a deepeer hole

....im losing my soul

i want to fight

just to feel the pain

i want a gun

just to end it all

i want to sleep

if only for a little while

i want to feel bliss

brought by ur gentle kiss

i want to kno

kno how u really feel

i want to scream

till my lungs are raw

i want to run

till i trip and fall

screaming into the ground

i want to smoke

till im stoned out of my mind

i want to love

just to see if i can

i want to break

everything i can reach

i want to be heard

but i cant say a word

do u care

i dont think u do

but i can ask myself the same

is this life a game

forfeit win or lose

either way i cant choose

even in winning ill lose

something someone somwhere

im starting not to care

drugs are my refuge

so many things i cant refuse

ive lost my self control

keep digging a deeper hole

ive finally lost my soul

well let me know what u think..i really want to put this to music cuz i have music going in my head as i write it and it insane. peace

i wrote this song with my friends dave and pat. we talked about this for hours tryin to work out what memories to put in and what not to..lot of old things came back to me..high school is fun...but anyway some of these memories are mine others are pats and some are dave's..im not really liking it all that much...let me kno what u think..they want to play it for the school on Ludden Day and i told them id work it over a lil and get some feedback so if  u read it let me kno what u like dont like and any ideas for improvment are welcome

we made it after all these years

we made it past our baseless fears

triumphed and matured

didnt learn the secrets of life or how cancer can be cured

instead we've learned life lessons

and this is my high school confessions

 

it all started in grade nine

we crossed the magic line

really started to grow up and look ahead

listend and filtered all the bullshit they said

we were young and we were wild

not quite a teen but no child

this was a year of lost innocence

first dates and experiments with inscence

thought we were cool skipping class

never thought it would come back and bite us in the ass

we made it after all these years

we made it past our fears

triumphed and matured

didnt learn secret of life or how cancer can be cured

instead we learned life lessons

and this is my high school confession

we moved on in grade ten

memories of making out in the den

smoked a joint for the first time

shoplifting and petty crimes

first time getting burned by a girl

drank away the pain till the room began to whirl

watched friends go to juvie

i realized that life is not a movie

there is no pause or rewind

you'll never be able to go back to undo time

we made it after all these years

we made it past our fears

triumphed and matured

didnt learn secret of life or how cancer can be cured

instead we learned life lessons

and this is my high school confessions

we were in 11th grade

in our minds we had it made

pressure starts to get to you

pain and pressures shoot throu u

how do we handle it all

from grades to sports to junior ball

people started to fall apart

broken minds and broken hearts

suicide attempts by ur closest friends

when will it all finally end

we made it after all these years

we made it past our fears

triumphed and matured

didnt learn secret of life or how cancer can be cured

instead we learned life lessons

and this is my high school confessions

finally comes senior year

we earned our way here

how much more can we take

how much more pressure and heart break

colleges start callin and we're fallin

over ourselves to get in

deadlines start bearing down

we held on to each other to stay on the ground

looking back on life of sin, gone by so fast

yet after all the pain i have to admit it was a blast

we made it after all these years

we made it past all our fears

triumped and matured

didnt learn secret of life or how cancer can be cured

instead we learned life lessons

and this is my high school confessions

now we move on to bigger things

stretch and try out our wings

learn to grow and life on our own

if only i had known

all the things i kno now

the who the what the where and the how

we past deadlines and huge tests

as for the rest well we did our best

short times with the best of friends

after all the stupid fights we made amends

so now we can look back and rewind

look back at our best times

best of times...my high school confession

 

 

heres somethin i wrote way back on the way down to nyc

all my past mistakes weigh upon me

i wish i could just forget

but would that make it better than before

or would i just hurt more...

im scared im a  failure

my life flashes before my eyes

i dont want to end up a total failure

but im sick of all the lies

so now im on the straight and narrow

words fly at u like an arrow

aimed at your heart and soul

to make you see how i feel is the goal

i havent seen u in so long

yet my feelings remain so strong

too strong to be kept in

but am i strong enough to escape this life of sin

each pull of the bottle

each push of the throttle

all brings me closer to oblivion

each puff from the cancer stick

every single pill makes me sick

but brings me closer to oblivion

each hit of the bong

i do it all i kno its wrong

but pushes me closer to oblivion

a place with peace and no pain

a place of sunshine and no rain

the people i love dont die

dont have to comfort friends as they cry

i do all this just to bring me

to a place called oblivion

this darkness swallows my being

surrounded by people yet

im alone and im screaming

they dont hear my screams i bet

theyve already fallen into oblivion

searching for the magic cure

something that brings me peace

anything that chases away these dreams

ive done it all sex drugs alcohol

and they all heal my pain

but only for a bit

yet somehow even more

im stuck feeling like shit

there is no escape slowly drawn to the door

leading to oblivion

so this is my final plea

after this you'll hear no more from me

are you happy mom i stopped moping

what? ur not happy how im coping

are u happy dad i stopped crying

are you happy now that im dying

slowly passing into oblivion

ok lil lunch table discussion here. most of the people at my table smoke or have smoked. and we were debating how effective eating weed was. just randomly came up so i figured id find out lol

some people should be shot lol im a pretty easy going person i think. i dont get mad alot but when i do i snap. theres this kid at work josh and me and him do not get along. long long story there well not really but i dont have the paitence to think it out to type it. but he comes in maybe 15 mins before i leave and within that time period he annoyed me enough so that i came over and said u say one more word i swear ill fuck u up. i was going crazy. fuck him..im bored. and tired. id say i was hungry but nothin good to eat so no gonna bother lol dinner was a tuna sandwhich, doughnut, and bowl of oatmeal. yummy. peace pl

im so good at saying hi

you were takin in on the spot

yet why is it so hard to say goodbye

seems i like u alot

alot more than i should

maybe its a deeper connection

id break it if i could

why doesnt life come with directions

was i born this way

what makes me do what i do

why say all that i say

why do i suddenly need u

always been independent

suddenly living off ur energy

slowly i begin to give in,relent

turn into someone who isnt me

at least the me i kno

they say change is good

yet ive hit an all time low

lots i would do if i could

breaking off would crush me

yet staying here is suffocation

so good at saying hi

but now i realize

its time to say goodbye

when do dreams become reality

when do cries become screams

life is a twisted reality

twisted by the evilness within

i cant give in must resist

but this twists me inside

squeezing my soul

never letting go

ive come to twist your reality

twist it to terrify you

good is bad bad is good

id change everything

make things right correct my mistakes

take back the words i said

somehow untwist this reality

maybe its just a bad dream

wake up and life is back to normal

but when reality is twisted by my view

and you cant undo anything u do

every word u say and action done

all come back to haunt you

floating specters in my mind

tormenting me

sink to my knees and realize i cant escape

cant fly away cant wake up

watch me crash and burn

ill watch ur laughter turn to shock

as i come back to twist ur reality

im not sure how much i like this one..i have a good beat going in my head but the theme isnt really me..let me kno what u think..even if ur some random person checking my site out let me kno k? thanx

captivated inudated i dont need to be sedated

im already overcome by you

you fill my soul with so much

i get shivers from your touch

its because im a captive of your love

my own goal is to love u

i dont care what i do

im a captive of your love

put you on an altar and none above

youre in my head constantly

im chained and at the same time im free

and its because of you

that gentle voice over the phone

makes me so glad im not alone

captive of ur loving kiss

when im gone its u i miss

you set me soul aflame

yet u treat it like a game

cuz u kno im a captive

captive of ur love

in your pain i find forgiveness

my own agony is not ur business

what happened was not meant to be

so get away from me

so get away from me

your so wrapped up in your own shit

outbursts arent in my nature

so what if im immature

do u think i care

i really need to get out of here

so get away from me

so get away from me

leave me to my own insanity

faceless in my identity

i cant stand to listen anymore

to those voices behind closed doors

so get away from me

so get away from me

my soul is like ice

feelings other than pain must be nice

my eyes are slowly closed

so heres what ive proposed

my final plea for mercy

please forgive me

or just get away from me

just get away from me

 my anger slowly rises

the result of my toils

your pain quenches a burning fire

u call me a liar

this gets me no where

so just get away from me

get away from me...

wake me up when its over

and this nightmare is gone

wake me up when its over

this nite seems so long

wake me up i must be dreaming

what is this dream's meaning

wake me up when its over

wake up in a bed of four leaf clover

no more mistakes or bad choices

no more anger or broken voices

wake me up when its over

and let me go

wake me up when its over

this life is the only one i kno

wake me up when its over

and friends dont lie

wake me up when its over

and those i love dont die

make me up when i can see

just one more pill

and ill be okay

just one more dark nite till the lite of day

just one more drink to cure it all

just one more time hope i dont fall

stupid contacts fucking up so if i spell stuff wrong its cuz i cant see. been thinking alot lately. sometimes people just let chances pass them by. but is it better to not make a move and stay the way things are if ur really not sure about the outcome. especially if the hints arent there and the person is just waiting for you to move but u dont kno that they want u to. sorry if thats a lil cryptic but those are normal thoughts for me and they make perfect sense to me.  i want to go sledding today but i have to work. no school friday hopefuly. going to jeremey's friday again. ok all girls answer me this...if a guy has treated u like shit called u names has a gf and even got u sick w/ a minor std....why in the world would u hang out with him again. i mean come on wake up. us guys have our ways of influencing u but thats just stupid. senior t shirts came in today. they fucked mine up. see me and 3 of my friends each got an initial after our name on the back of our shirt. and the initals stand for something..its mean and immature but it did stand for something..and now they got fucked up..that blows...went into school mad late today...i think 945..went to mickeyds for hot choclate before school..good stuff..anyway thats all for now...peace..oh and if u want someone to make a move give them a damn chance and give them the hint..even if u think they got it try agian cuz ppl can be incredibly thick.

ok for those of u who dont kno this already..iris people are cool..end of story..and here's why..

1. only ppl with brite red hair or orange hair

2. we live on an island

3. no snakes

4. no one talks cooler than someone w/ an irish accent

5. born to fight

6. born to drink..lots

7. only people who could almost kill off their entire population cuz of a potato famine

8. cool names...ex: seamus

9. there's so damn many of us that it doesnt matter if u dont like us

10. we have the best pick up line ever.. man: are u irish? woman: no. man: want some in u? lmao fucking corniest ever...

ok here's the latest..let me kno what u think..

fear of the unknown

nervous, outside my comfort zone

voices in my ear have always guided me

but now im blind and i cant see

which way is easy, which was is rite

tossing turning thinking all nite

desicionsgo round within my head

they said u lie

cant believe  what u said

you told me it was real

how do u feel

all u ever felt was jealousy

so now u can expect the same from me

are u shocked to find that i dont care

you made ur choice now u live with it

but secretly u kno i feel like shit

my chest aches from the screams

my head hurts from the day dreams

but im so sick

so sick ur damn lies

sick of looking into ur eyes

listen to ur cry and forgive u

if this goes on ill be you

fake shallow putting up a front

yea he didnt lie i called u a stupid cunt

causing u pain brings me peace

lashing out tryin to heal the hurt

thank u to the person who posted the incubus song..got me in the mood..let me kno what u think

pardon me from this agonzing pain

how can u fix what u cant explain

let me go on my way

whats' done is done

now say what u you got to say

say u dont care anymore

and ill sigh and show u to the door

i cant find it in this dark

so please wont u show me the way

if u wont help me

then leave me to my solitude

unless u have a cure

to chase away these demons of my mind

otherwise just leave me..ill be fine

whats my crime, trying to be alone

people confuse me use me and mess w/ my head

lost in my thoughts not sure of the way

so pardon me while i find me own way

thinking bout why things always stay the same

afraid of change

afraid of staying the same

self preservation is the key

rationalization and medication hides the fact

the fact that we're lost and burning in the flames

whats so bad about immaturity

and whats so good about sobriety

im tired of this hypocritcal society

killing babies while ax murders go free

12-25 is their fee

whats wrong with us

whats wrong with this society

obessing over looks and money

if u step back and looks its retardely funny

so pardon me in my solitude

i chose not to take part in this not trying to be rude

in my silence room i find peace

in that place where worries cease

existence becomes simple, natural

and my thoughts are no longer full

full of worries full of fears

and i swear i will shed no more tears

for these burning people who set themselves a fire

we live by unspoken rules

wasted on u self absorbed fools

you dont need me

i dont need you

so leave me be in my solitude

pardone me my solitude brings me peace

pardon me i value my insanity

How tall are you? 5'11

Have you ever smoked heroin? only once w/ one of my multiple personalities
Do you own a gun? nope..id be in jail if i did

Have you ever been arrested? nope...came close but i dont get caught alot

How many of your friends have committed suicide? none, but several attempts

Would you f*** someone in a cemetary? lol fuck yea why not..give the dead ppl a peep show

Who is your favorite villian? dr. evil

Pesci or Devito? Joe Pesci no doubt bout that one

Do you ever punch yourself? yea

Have you ever killed an animal? yes..several

Are you Italian? fuck no im irish bitch

Who would you punch if you could? oh wow..john kerry..howard dean..my prinicpal...my dad at times...u probably

What do you think of hot dogs? so good

What's your favorite Christmas song? ........ding fries are done lol

here is someting i wrote a long long time ago..november maybe?? i dunno but i found it so ill post it even thou its very wierd...read it carefully..  its slightly serious slightly sarcastic..let me kno what u think

 im tired all this agony and chaos

sick suburban white boys tryin to be playas

sick of all the drama

this is the result of all the lies

see all the poison pass before my eyes

im too tired to care

too weak to change

i guess i have no choice

sit back and watch this life pass me by

whats so bad about immaturity

and whats so great about sobriety

im tired of this hypocritical society

killing babies while ax murders walk free

after 7-15 they've paid their fee

whats wrong w/ us

whats wrong w/ this society

so what i dont care

do u think u can make me

im shallow and selfish,

refusing to share in my misery

if i leave will u really forsake me

whats for me in the will

stupid ppl go back to ur damn pill

prozac vioxx levitra ru86 ritalin

all washed down with a bit of gin

mental health is overrated

do u really think im jaded

can illness be a vaccine

to a blonde hollow beauty queen

must be perfect must be above the rest

must be untouchable must u do this to her

putting up a front destroying the real you

bit by bit rips ur spirit in two

the pressure is building the pain is unreal

in this dark when u reach what do u feel

if ur so frozen and perfect then why do u feel

why does ur heart hurt and why do ppl treat u like u dont exist

dont u get it goddamnit im pissed

needing change needing a solution

in the form a pill or a bottle or bed

why do u feel

the need to push me down

but ill get up everytime i hit the ground

what is it w/ all the drugs all the pills

pills for baldness and ED

drugs for wrinkles and STD's

whatever happend to personal responsibility

maybe i could change the world

or maybe i could straight out fail

sit on my corner and beg for pennies w/ a pail

democracy and hypocrisy go hand in hand

but its up to us as a generation to take a stand

here's the result of yesterday's writing. let me kno what u think.

im trapped these walls are closing in

im trapped by the reality setting in

im trapped by these walls

im trapped by my past falls

i need to get out

please let me breathe

just one day without this crushing agony

am i made of glass

cuz u see rite through me

do not ask and i will not tell

i will not forgive becuz im already in hell

sleep brings no peace

only memories piece by painful piece

banging on the door

attempting to escape

escape from the world of hate

im trapped im not the person you see

im trapped by these memories

im trapped by your hold

im trapped why is it so cold

underneath this calm exterior

of jokes and confidence

is a person trapped by fear of being inferior

too scared to look over the fence

look into a new place

 a place where i can be me

a place i dont land flat on my face

when i try to it differently

why wont you ppl let me change

why wont you let me out of this cage

im trapped by your expectations

im trapped by images on the tv stations

im trapped, feel like giving in

im trapped i feel it once again

you expect me to be good and clean

couldnt imagine all the dirt under this sheen

you barely scratched the surface

everything i used to do had a purpose

so cool so calm totally in control

now im boiling a ticking time bomb

what message are u idiots sending to me

one where being perfect is the only way to be

why wont they accept me in all my imperfection

you keep giving me different messages, all this misdirection

all i asked for was a little peace

a way to escape from the stress

i can feel the anger burning in my chest

please wont someone save from this mess

created with my own hands

mixed with my blood sweat and tears

defined by my all my deepest fears

here's the latest..let me kno what u think

when you look at me

im not the person you see

behind these cold blue eyes

are memories of hurt and lies

if i could leave it all behind

i dont kno if i would

this is the only life i kno

i cant help that everyone can see my scars

but they remind me of my past mistakes

no one ever gave me a break

no chance to make amends

a chance to do it all again

sitting here alone in the cold dark

knife is like a pen on paper

leaving an ugly mark

scars from my past failures and falls

wish i could change it all

but i cant its just not possible

people ask me how im so calm

but they dont see the anger underneath

they dont see behind my eyes

someone once said eyes are a portal to the soul

well look into my eyes

look past them into this empty hole

look deeply look completely and youll kno more

you will finally see

finally see the real me

see past the fake smile and serenity

you will see the anger burning with in

look deeply into the history of my sins

look at all the times i fucked up

why speak ill just shut up

turn my eyes away from this place

try not to see what ive seen before

look look deep into these cold blue eyes

look and see the truth in all my lies

ok heres something i wrote during dinner after work..i dont have a title for it yet..so im going to let you ppl give it one..so if u read it let me know what u think it should be called..

dont even try to hide it

i can tell looking into your eyes

you betrayed me

betrayed my love

betrayed my heart and soul

dont even try to lie

the clues scream out at me

much like my heart as it breaks

i can tell by the tears that

trail slowly down your cheeks

i can smell his cologne

it reeks of betrayal

and crimes of passion

dont bother trying to lie

to see the truth all i have to do is look at you

look at your hair and your clothes

they tell more than your lies ever will

i only have to see the sheets on the floor

to see you cheated

goddamn it ive been living with a whore

you're on your knees

but this time asking for something

instead of giving it for free

like you were an hour ago

stupid dirty ho

your on your knees

begging for my forgiveness

as your tears hit my feet

the burn like acid on my soul

why bother trying to ask why

you realize now what youve done

you hurt me lied to me

and only for your selfish needs

what could he give you

nothing i couldnt match

 what did you do besides

throw away 3 years

cry countless tears

and cause the realization of all my deepest fears

now i kno the meaning of

now i kno that ignorance is bliss

have u ever sat there and stared at a screen or a wall and thought of everything and at the same time absoultely nothing? or sat and wonder what the hell the point of all this is? that rite there is a summary of my day.

so im counting down to the big game..i plan on calling at least 4 ppl to either laugh or yell at them during the game..joe said he was going to call me every time the eagles scored..hey purple haze is on..awesome ass song...i dont really have a team i want to win..i want somethings to happen thats all 1. TO get knocked back into a hospital...2. Freddy mitchell to either catch a winning td or get killed by rodney harrison..3. D-Nabb to have an awesome game and 4..have vinateri miss if he has to kick a winning field goal..nikki called me at frickin 6:20 in the morning to see if i could come in to work..i wouldve but i had to go to church at 8...so i worked 12-4..damn slow..lol holli and kayla wrote me a funny ass note on my register to keep me smiling..holli was over last nite..it was fun..we hung out and watched elf and then who's line is it..ive never seen it before..funny as all hell...hey shinedown is on..they're my new favorite..and theyare coming to syracuse..i want to see them..speaking of the 'cuse did anyone see syracuse beat notre dame last nite..insane game..i ate a whole tray of those mint brownies today..they were so good..my mom flipped thou lol apparently she was saving them..i was like for what? the fucking apocalpyse? gotta eat now..food is ready..peace ppl

all the lies are finally catching up

if i die would it be enough

for you to forgive me

for all the pain ive caused

would you forgive me

for hurting you

could you forgive me

for tearing us apart

all this time ive been thinking

and i realize that i was wrong

and it hurts

because i see the truth

and i wish

it would all just go away

so now i kno

why your ran away from it all

why you cry

at the mention of my name

if i die would it solve it all

if i cry out

would they hear me

or would i be ignored

could u forgive me

would u forgive me

if i fell at your feet

would you take me back

if i begged

can we go

back to the way it was

i wont lie

i wish you were here

by my side

but ive come to the realization

that we are finally done

would u forgive me

if i moved on

could u forgive me

if i didnt call

asking you to take me back

if i found someone else to love

would u cry or would u do the same

please forgive me

i didnt mean

to cause u all this pain

i suffered enough

forgive me if u can

because i cant forgive myself

i choked i failed

i couldnt come throu

i failed myself but

more importantly i failed u

im a falilure at friendship

a failure at love

how can i fix all the hurt i have caused

when you needed me i was gone

instead of being there i disappeared

when i look back, every action mirrored

 and multiplied, increasing your pain

and it was all for what?...what was the gain

can this rain wash away all my dirt

can this prayer heal my hurt

i didnt kno until it was gone

that the feelings i had remained so strong

in betraying u i betrayed myself

with your tears you open my eyes

to all the things i have become to be

not the person i thought i was

you kno it and u dont give a damn

youve had ur fill enough is enough

here's another one..this one is more of a song than poem but most of mine can go as both. let me kno how it is

realization rationalization of an ideal

that isnt real

what are u thinking

how exactly do you feel

does the truth make you ill

i hope it does

because then you'll finally see

you will see what i kno

tell me what do u see

when you look into my eyes

what are u thinking at this time

how do u feel

what are u thinking

this is only the start

truth hurts

shit happens

and their is nothing u can do

so just give up

just go home

there is nothing for you here

youve changed

ive changed

so much that i forgot

forgotten how to heal

what are u thinking

how do u feel

do u think i care

stop trying to hide your eyes

i want you to see

i want you to feel

all the things i see

all the pain i feel

if u looked behind closed doors

you will often find

things youd rather not

but at least then

you kno the truth

but can u handle it

i doubt you can

your not strong enough

if u are convince me

convince me this isnt real

this cycle of dashed dreams and hopes

tell me its all just a twisted reality

what are u thinking

how do u feel

does the truth make you ill

ive already fallen

already fallen from grace

i cant stand it here

cant wait to leave this place

you talk to me like im nothing

why do u ignore my words

hey stupid i can hear

i can hear your ignorance and stupidity

and i feel sorry for you

no one opens your eyes

to the sights i see

no opens your ears

to listen to me

no one opens their heart

to try and feel what i feel

i need someone to be there

so why do they ignore me

dont they hear my pleas

how do they ignore the breaking glass

or is that only in my head

dont they hear my cries

why do they see

when they look into my eyes

how long do i have to shout

till you tell me to shut the fuck up

how loud should i blast the stereo

till you throw me out

and you go back to peaceful ignorance

all i ask is someone to care

we sit at the table

and you talk down to me

lecturing correcting every mistake

fucking bitch just give me a break

im not close to perfect

nor do i wish to be

your suprised when i explode

shocked at the fury

well did you expect me to carry the load

and somehow carry one like nothing was wrong

ive already fallen from grace

im cold scared as i walk alone

b ut i cant stand the staring faces

in the crowd they creep me out

alone is where i prefer to be

ive already fallen from grace

and that doesnt bother me

why do girls love to take quizzes/surveys

you cant break me

dont even bother to make that mistake

i will remain strong resisting you

you dont know me i am a forsaken one

you cant break me

i will beat you at your own tricks and games

dont even waste your time

everything you say and do is coming back to haunt you

you cant break me

no matter how hard u manage to try

all these years ive become stronger stronger than you

i can resist any and all temptation you provide

you cant break me

im am too cold and hard inside

all this time you spend messing with my head

all these words you scream mean nothing to me

you cant break me

because of your callousness i have no more spirit within

emotionally spent im cant believe i survived

now tell me how u won all of that

you cant break me

such a change from where you were my everything

why wont you talk now? i see your pissed cuz u failed

you can forsake me but u can never break me

im far too strong for you

all your cheating and lying makes me see

i thought you were an angel on earth sent to me

but now i see under the halo and its false glow

under the front of white purity is a past ill never see

you were my savior saving me from self destruction

i was dying to live while living to die until u came

your invisible sensuality enticed me capturing

my thoughts my words all centered around you

and i thought i found the meaning of heaven on earth

and then u let me go and watched me burn

watched me fall and i doubt u cared at all

your soul is nonexistent my paitence has reached its end

i cant go on like this being slowly suffocated

you so full of shit your overrated

i cant look at you with out burning shame

i cant belive you thinking its all a game

you were my guardian angel from all my fears

now i see your true colors and i cant believe

how bad it was how much i was decived

  this entry is extremely long i went on a lil rant so i wont blame you if u stop reading

so last nite i was reading peoples blogs and thinking about what they said and i came upon a rather interesting one.  This blog was written by someone who leaned to the left and seemed to think that they were the light the truth and the way if you kno what i mean.  Their basic point was that we in this country are in the midst of a culture war. To what point is that true i asked myself. I decided that was not only untrue but stupid also. our mass opinon in this country changes with the winds of the mass media. i dont care what anyone says the mass media these days is politicaly biased. there is no such thing as objective reporting anymore. ABC, NBC and obviously CBS and CNN lean to the left , varying in their biased opinons. on the other hand FOX leans to the right. but all theses talking heads and political mouth pieces in the papers are screaming that our nation is too polarized and that there are irreconicable differences. wrong. wrong and stupid. these idiots in the media give way too much attention to the radicals and zealots on both sides. I mean who honestly cares if spongebob gives off supposed subliminal homosexual messages. i am by no means pro gay but its just a stupid mindless cartoon. i would be more concerned with pro gay marriage activists than spongebob turning kids.  journalists and media stars today ache for the culture wars of the 60's and 70's. They wish for the mass protests and stand ins and riots.  that would give them support for their reasoning if there was just one but there arent. i dont see protests at berkeley, no riots in Chicago or DC, no mass marches in San Fran. nothing.  all i see are lies spread by mass media to an increasingly ignorant american public. north, south, academia or conservative alike. doesnt matter if you are urban activist or a hick from the hills of alabama. they are lying to you. there is no culture war i mean in the 60's and 70's this country was reeling from change.  there was suddenly a huge change in views from one generation to the next. the country was more liberal but it came too fast. thats what caused the culture wars.  our culture is not changing radically. the politicians are too concerned with their own comfort and power than the issues today. the only hollywood activists that speak out are that slob micheal moore and that douchebag churchill. for those of you who havent heard of him he the chair of ethics at U. of Colorado. He compared the victims of 9/11 to adolf erlichman, the man in charge of the extermination of the jews in WWII. he called the victims "corporate nazis who got what they deserved". he was offered to teach a course at Hamilton college but there were some protests and death threats..rightly so. but still today is no culture war. there are no trials for treason or sedition or communism, no blowing police cars or riots. the liberal media is bored because no one will agree with them on their hypocritical views on Iraq. (blaming bush for the war costing too much but then accusing him of not providing the army with enough armour and supplies.) the right is all up in arms over gay marriage ( which looks like it will become legal unfortunately) and abortions ( which should be banned asap) so to them i say enough. enough is enough. go find some scandal go cover micheal jackson's pedophilia. but please stop.  let me kno what u think. peace

drug induced euphoria

those pills are the cause of my paranoia

everyone is staring at me

whats wrong whats wrong

tell me where i fucked up

shut up u dont understand

leave me here dont hold my hand

if ive gone this far alone

i think i can make it the rest of the way

my head is spinning and im scared

my soul is bared do u see the dirt

one more hit one more sigh

my worries disapper as i get high

but coming down makes it worse

im stifled suffocating im about to burst

coming down brings back the worries

coming down relives the memories

coming down means going back to you

shut up u dont understand

leave me alone dont hold my hand

if ive gone this far alone

i think i can make it on my own

are these voices from the pills

or am i simply crazy

people say they understand me

but they havent lived my life how can they get me

they dont kno my life story

they dont have my mentality

you dont grasp my lack of confidence

no one gets this inferiority complex that pushes me so hard

so these drugs are my escape

this alcohol is my way to vent

it allows me to get away from me

but it all hurts but it all bursts back down on me

when i come down

what exactly are you accusing me of

how could you even compare him to me

im nothing like him not even close

it seems to me you're lashing out

looking for a release from your pain

if i had known the damage i did

maybe i wouldve rethought maybe we could caught

stopped it short before it exploded and look what is done

me and you we have imploded

it was a wake up call, comparing me to him

i didnt know how to respond exactly

but i realize now and i feel like shit

knowing what i did hurt u so deep

your forgiveness i can not ask though

it wasnt that long ago but it doesnt matter

my pride is in the way what would u have me say

i cant take back words cant change my actions

and if i could i probably would but im not sure

only because i thought  i had everything covered

 i had it all figured out

guess i was wrong and shit did happen

now where do we go from here

please help me im unsure of what to do

im through i though i knew myself

but in reflection maybe i was wrong

im not the person i figured i was

and that idea is resounating bouncing in my head

so im siting on this hill trying to chill

please tell me what you'd like me to do

what would u have me say to make it go away

on second thought dont even bother

whats done is done its over

im still there for you but things have changed

somethings not exactly everything

i wont ever admit mistakes pride is too strong

maybe my opinon is slightly inflated or im just jaded

but im over it i dont care at all

mixed emotions swirling in my dreams

sadness and anger equals whatever u get

when you ask me what i feel

i feel unreal

this whole thing just cant be real

this whole thing is a dream

how could u say what u said

holy shit or is it all in my head

arent you tired of the same old stories

the same old stories in our lifes

the tales of apathy and hate

are you tired of the same old feeling

that feeling that nothing is quite rite

nothing shines like a new moon at nite

the odd glare of the blackness tells me more

than the dim haziness of the sun

everything seems dull even in the middle of the day

nothing is right everything is just a bit off

do you ever have a day where nothing is ok

do you ever want to say fuck all of you

those days where you miss something

but u dont kno what

you look all around but it cant be found

those days where getting up is hardest thing to do

all you want is to have someone to talk to

someone to confide in someone to care

your friends say they get u but they're never there

these same old stories in our lives

these same old stories day and nite

nothing changes there is no spontaneousness

there is no true happiness

they say money doesnt buy it

but yet they keep on trying

reflecting makes you see how small you are

drinking makes it all disapear

like the sun behind the clouds

im tired of looking for the answers

do you ever have a day where nothing is ok

do you ever want to say fuck you all

those days where you're missing something

but you dont kno what

you look all around but it cant be found

when getting up is the hardest thing to do

all you want is someone to talk to

someone to confide in someone to care

your friends say they get u but they're never there

who are you to tell me how to feel

who are you to tell me how to live my life

who are you the invisible voice

the invisible voice within

pounding in my head

all the lies and half truths u say

confuse me and leave me angry not knowing why

who are you

this voice of a twisted society

this voice of an unreal dream reality

that exploits me u leave me broken

leave me lying on the cold floor

with nothing left to give

i tried my hardest i did my best

to resist and not fall to the oblivion

but i was fighting against an unstoppable wave

a mass of ignorance and blind contentment

this wave swept me over the crevice

as i fell into oblivion

who are you

and what makes you think you own me

i watched the simpsons tonite cuz no one would go play pool...and it was the episode where someone came out of the closet...it was patty marge's sister..just thought u all would like to kno lol no im just bored..this entry blows...nite

I am not your average teen

i refuse to fit the mold

i refuse to obey every whim you say

i am indie

indie mother fucking pendent

an indie mother fucking vidual

and you cant not contain my soul

music is my medication

i will never fit into your fake ideals

and never will i bow to the values of another

if we cant trust ourselves

then how can we trust one another

i stand apart from all the crowds

just to piss you off i walk against the flow

the bumps against my shoulder only serve my anger

and increase the danger

i am indie

i am indie mother fucker

indie mother fucking pendent

an indie mother fucking vidual

so keep away your sheltered mind

hide away from those things that make you think

music is my medication

it soothes the savage beast within my chest

it is my release my vent

and you will never understand what you cant not comprehend

i am independent

walking down the busy streets

not a soul in sight

look at my watch its close to midnite

i squint to shield my eyes from the brite sunlight

passing by everday people

dressed in their nakedness

i smile and say hello

and wonder why they stop to wipe my tears

i cant feel my chest

but i kno my soul is slowly ripping two

i cant catch my breath

yet im barely moving at all

i cant feel my legs

but they burn from the running from it all

feeling so lost but at the same time right at home

clueless on how the world works but i get the small things

unsure of myself but appearing so cocky and confident

somethings change but everything stays the same

i been walking away forever but i havent gone anywhere

you think you see me but you look rite past me

logic says i exist but logic cant not explain my state of mind

only i can control my destiny you say

then why do you try so hard to show me the way

in your omniscience you show your weakness

only through pain can i feel hapiness

happiness that i can finally feel something again

trapped in a place with no walls

paradoxial it seems but underlying

is the message beneath.

some idiot in congress thinks that Karl Rove set Dan Rahters up by putting out the fake documents so that CBS would report on bush's national guard duty..moron. rather's and his liberal zeal was his own undoing. and now the congressman is trying to say that the white house is defaming him becuz a bunch of bloggers are tearing him apart in their sites..i say  good for them. also i found out that i am not the only one that thinks hollywood isnt a bunch of liberal snots...there was a show on i think cnbc or something like that..and it was tearing hollywood apart..becuz in reality hollywood is out of touch with the majority of this country..and they take radical views and try to make them look cool or mainstream..the coach at temple should be fired...i need to run really bad but its snowing out..hung out with holli,nikki, kayla, and kevin last nite..it was pretty cool..they dragged me and kevin around looking for clothes and stuff..i got in a love whip fight with kayla at spencers lol that is the coolest store ever..this topic suggestion thingy is pissing me off..we went to wendy's later and it took 25 mins for me to get my damn food..i threw the drink at the bitchy ass lady behind the counter but i missed..kevin got mad at me for that..fuck him lol then on the way home we started listening to britney spears ( dont ask why but kevin is obbssesed with her) so of course we all start singing lol how fucking cool are we..ahh well im bored..peace

you ask me why

why do i do this for you

why am i always there when you need me

im the one who cares the shoulder you  cry on

im the one that is there you can always rely on

do you remember the day i saved your life

which one you ask cuz you save me everyday

dou you remember those long nites underneath the stars

when all was at peace we could do no harm

do you remember singing on the trips home

we have fun and it seemed like it was eternal

but those memories

are overshadowed by the darker past

that nite i pulled off the ledge

that knife i knocked from your hand

and

is it too much to ask

that i find a place for me

a place where i can finally feel free

i just want to be able to breathe again

for the first time

maybe not worry about expectations and complications

this pressure is getting to me

i can feel it slowly building and growing

isnt there someplace i belong

where people feel what i feel

where i dont have to worry about

what i say or what i do

where i can feel whats really inside

this anger inside is barely being restrained

like the top on a boiling pot

but eventually it come loose

all hell breaks free and then you will see

what is really me

a release to the pressure inside

cant you drain the pressure from the swelling

with me there is no telling

of what the next move will be

so close to going off everytime you speak

this pressure is getting to me

i can feel it slowly building within

isnt there somewhere i belong

im the one in the back of the room

head down hood up not meeting your gaze

you mock me because you're scared

scared of the unknown

talk of inclusiveness no one on the outside

and at first glance it appears harmonious

but on the inside underneath the surface

things are strained slowing cracking

so you see but in truth you are blind

blind to the world that i see

some come along and see underneath the hood

im the one walking on the outside

going against the flow

just because you said i cant

music is a refuge blocking out your noise

you surround yourself with people who

are exactly like you in every way

you may think your different on the inside

but doesnt the pressure from within

feel like its crushing your soul

how do you breathe

how do you live with yourself

knowing what you kno what youve done

all the fake friends you kept

because you backstabbed the real one

 im the one in the corner with the headphones

giving attitude to the world

in payment for all the shit it gave me

when you ask if im alrite

ill glare and ask why the hell you care

no one dares to answer why

so they never kno that im not alrite

no one has ever lifted the hood

to look under and see my blue eyes

you wont see past the anger

to the hurt deep underneath

 lift the hood watch me raise my chin

watch me give the world the salute

the same one it gave to me

as i entered the world

a two handed salute middle finger raised

im the one they called misunderstood

that makes me smile if you could

understand  what makes me ticks

all the shrinks  thinks they kno me

but they dont kno a damn thing

they say my hood is a sign of rebellion

the men smile and say what a hellion

the women feel false sympathy

and none of it affects me

this hood is not rebellion

but a protection against the wind

 a cold harsh world in a gray bare world

this hood this little world i live in

so this is the way you want it to end

with angry words and hateful glances

so this is the way it ends

didnt it mean anything to you

or was a i just a casual fling

a casualty of of love and of your

selfish needs stupid greed and envy

was i just a tool a means of provoking jealousy

driving me away and then pulling me back to you

i was so confused had no sense of direction

so this is how  we end

shall we go our seperate ways

the last words are broken screams

as you slam the door

this is the end of a dream

but that dream was never real to you

like you made it seem

i cant believe it went for so long

it happened to me the strong one

i never thought i could be played with

so much more than that i was betrayed

so this is how it ends

you always playing games rite up til the end

and you gave me just enough pleasure

to make it a addicting pain i craved

so this is how we end

us no longer exists

so this is how it ends

its such a relif in so many ways

but at the same time its you i crave

go here..some of it is kinda porn but check out other catagories

www.crazypics.com

here's the latest let me know what you think

maybe im better off alone

your the cure to my illness

i dont need anymore pills

no more trips down memory lane

i need a cure

or maybe im better of alone

living in the shadow of the past

if i dont move forward anymore

then there is no tomorrow

then no more memories of a past

if you'll only cure my sickness

or is my illness possibly my savior

i dont need a shrink to study my behavior

because ill be better off alone

where ill find my peace

where everything is forgotten

maybe i dont really need youu

can i survive on my own

can i take the chance and step away

maybe im better off alone

im in good company

by myself with only scars tears and memories

far away from the temptation

and at the same time  salvation

you bring out the worst in me

it makes me feel so ashamed to be seen

when i come crawling back to you

just cure me so i can live my life

or ill just run away and be alone

i think im better off alone

this is hard for me to write about...but here's the latest

slip silently in to the waves

feel the rush against my legs

pulling me to oblivion

watch the foam carrying away out to sea

leaving behind me and the sand and dirt

i feel the water slid over head

i close my eyes and still i see

imprinted inside my head

a thousand nightmares,dreams and memories

the good the bad, things i forgot long ago

even as my lungs burn they dont fade away

throught the haze as im fading slowly through the deep

a clear light shines through it all

is this the end the light in the tunnel

if so its both a curse and a godsend

ill never be truly free again

but then i wont have to relive my past

as the light comes clear im slowly sinking more

a feeling for strength and security comes over me

instead of releasing myself to the hands of God

i struggle throu the sea to fight to breathe

i break the surface a mighty cascade falls around me

that first harsh breath of sea air

to me its nothing short of ectasy

slowly i crawl to the shore and sink into the sand

gasping for life as my mind clears

and the light becomes a face of an angel

every nerve burns from the return of oxygen

yet a familar face comes throu as i close my eyes

the last thing i see before i collapse is you in my mind

i liked you better with your clothes on

i wont lie it was a mistake

now its 8 am what the hell is going on

i liked you better when you didnt break

and liked you better on your back

but now its time i think to go

i liked you better in the dark

now the sunlights pouring in

i hear you downstairs in your underwear

making breakfast out the dreams from last nite

i hope you dont expect anything more

because im, im headed for the door

and i liked you better with your clothes on

when i didnt see the imperfections of your mind

i liked you better as just a friend

i hate to tell you no wait i dont

this is the end

i thought we were on the same page

but your in your own fantasy world

i liked you better when i was drunk

cant stand you now with this headache

last nite your laugh was music from the angels

now it sounds cracked and dry

you probably think ill stay for the day

well i hate to break your heart

but im headed toward the door

i liked you better in the afterglow

but now i just dont kno

i liked you better with you clothes on

maybe ill like you better when im gone

go ahead and blow a hole in my chest

i wanna see if this anger is a bulletproof vest

let the blood flow bring on the pain

at least then ill kno im still alive

even if only for a little while

cuz when im with you i feel empty inside

hollow and alone and the fault is my own

i and believe my eyes truth hurts more

than lies or cuts ever could

cut through me like a razorblade

rite through the vein in your wrist

feel the acid burn my limbs

the hate is slowing taking me over

seperate the skin from bone

the maybe you'll leave me alone

step back from the world

survey all the damage youve done

turn away and block it all

bury the memories under the scars

let it build and destroy me from within

at least then your far away

feel my fingers dig into my palm

clench my teeth keeping my calm

push away the image of your face

with hold a scream its all a dream

this hollow shell formerly the real me

floating through reality shell shocked

run into a crowd and try to take them all

and then blame you when i fall

see what you made me do

look what you drove me to

im the face in the mirror

slowly becoming clearer

everytime you look within

your staring at your sins

im the side no one ever sees

your reverse image and evil twin

i am you and you are me

but im everything you'll never be

always you strive but ill never be alive

you'll never be perfection or a top selection

in any part of life

you are shallow im so deep

look into my eyes see eternal sleep

im the  face in the mirror

watching your every move

i see everything you've

ever seen ever thought

all your hopes all your dreams

all the times you've held in screams

they explode out from me in a wave of fury

in your head you feel alone

i stand on an empty plain

its odd i understand what you cant explain

so tell me how will you rid yourself of me

i would be what happens if walls could talk

because in me im everything you want to be

faces in the mirror slowly becoming reality

can you feel the wave of helplessness

as i slowly overwhelm you

are you still you or have you become

everything you never wanted to be

i havent been updating on me for awhile so here's one..holli's making me lol ..schools is going down the shitter as usual..i just cant do it anymore..13 years of school end in 3 months..whats next.college. where is up in the air but i am going..either geneseo, st. john fisher, canisus, brockport, oneonta or oswego..i was so happy when i got into genseo even if the snobs wont give me money..they took 9000 applications and took 925...im good im damn good lol ive been fighting with my teachers constantly..got sent to ISS from math 2 days in a row so now i have a dean meeting. i think it was cuz i kicked her podium over .no big deal cuz he's my latin and religion teacher..got in a nice lil fight the other day..no marks cept my knuckles....on the suggested tabs thing good charlotte just came up..wtf? dumbasses..im failing biology miserably...think low 30's..i just didnt do any work...track is the highlight of my school day rite now..fucking hard thou..i have shinsplints already..but it should go away soon enough...work is work..somedays rock..specially weekend mornings..me and hot choclate lol i drink about half a gallon of that stuff in an hour..plus its usually kayla holli and nikki and sometimes english so we have fun..been writing a lot lately..ive decided that liberal teens who dont kno what they are talking about piss me off more than anything in the world..get ur damn noses out of the air and be real..im not gonna tell u to change your views..just dont act like ur shit dont stink..cuz all that organice shit food u eat trust me it reeks lol...i had a gay guy try to hit on me the other day..really creepy..thats why im not a fan of gay guys..u can be gay thats ur thing..but im not so stay the hell away...have u ever had someone in your life where they start talking and lecturing and you want to scream at them? thats what its like with my mom rite now..it seems that every nite she picks up on somethin i say and lectures me on it saying the same thing over and over..annoys the shit out of me..im now an expert at phasing people out within 30 seconds because of it..my school seems to have exploded with gay people all of a sudden..its wierd like 10 people came out this year..mite not seem like a lot but when there is 600 kids in ur school u kno most of them...i hate rude people..not a fan of ignorant people either..ive been reflecting lately and i realize how much ive changed since last year this time..its amazing...ah well..thats all for now..hope ur happy holli lol check out the last few and tell me what u think..peace

this is for callie and any other people who had a loved one die

just yesterday you were here

sitting next to me holding my hand

you were always the one i came to

with wild dreams and stupid questions

and now they tell me your gone

they say that you've moved on

passed away to a better place

as i sit here feeling so numb

i cant believe what they just told me

so hard to believe

i mite as well be dead on the outside

because nothing exists one the inside

how can it be no please your not dead

because just yesterday

you were so full of life

i swear you glowed when you smiled

this doesnt make sense

please God tell me im asleep

someone pinch me so it all ends

i feel as though im drowning in pain

if i die its everyone's gain

falling tears burn my cheek leaving a mark

ill hold my screams back till dark

when i can slip away and run till i fall

but rite now i feel as though i cant move

nothing feels rite anymore without you

the sky is gray the grass is dead

everything feels so dull except this razor pain

im blind reaching out for answers to life

when what do my fingers brush up against but a knife

i run my fingers along the edge

its gonna get me soon, im falling off the edge

i dont think of the pain ill cause

because just yesterday i still had you

and now that your gone all i think of is you

you were my support and my strength

and just yesterday just yesterday

i was still alive

ok for those of you  who dont know this already..irish people kick ass..end of story..and here's why..

1. only ppl with brite red hair or orange hair

2. we live on an island

3. no snakes

4. no one talks cooler than someone w/ an irish accent

5. born to fight

6. born to drink..lots

7. only people who could almost kill off their entire population cuz of a potato famine

8. cool names...ex: seamus

9. there's so damn many of us that it doesnt matter if u dont like us

10. we have the best pick up line ever.. man: are u irish? woman: no. man: want some in u?fucking corniest line ever

11. wicked cool t-shirts..ex: Irish Guys Do It Better..I have one of those lol

12. Cuz i fucking said so

let me know if you have any other reasons

here's the latest..let me kno what you like/dont like

i see the truth in your lies

and i see the desire in your eyes

to set fire to this city of emptiness

and burn it down to nothingness

but would that make you satisfied

how would that show you the truth

i dont think it would solve anything

if tommorrow we all died

to heavens gate you cant bring a thing

except the tears that you cried

and memories from your soul

a perfect album of your life

then all of heaven would truly see

just who you had tried to be

how do you feel now being judged

i see the truth in your lies

and the desire in your eyes

to set fire to this city of emptiness

and watch it burn to nothingness

but would that heal your hurt

watching your world come crumbling down

could you stand up on your own

no way you could survive alone

id like to see you push away

that feeling that hits you everyday

i see the cuts in your arm

how does that help? causing harm

 is that rush of pain worth anything

i see the truth in your lies

and the desire in your eyes

to set fire to this city of emptiness

and burn it down to nothingness

id gladly go down in flames

if thats what it took

for you to remember my name

i may have only brushed your life

but i went deeper than a knife

in scratching the surface

i discovered so much more than my purpose

intertwined existences

did i hurt more than i healed

nothing anymore is truly real

here's something i wrote a way back and lost..let me know what you think

you ask me why

why do i do this for you

why am i always there when you need me

im the one who cares, the shoulder you cry on

im the on thats always there, that you can rely upon

do you remember the day i saved your life

which one you ask becuase ive done it several times

do you remember those long nites under the stars

when all was at peace and we could do no harm

do you remember singing on the ride home

we had fun and it seemed like it was eternal

but those memories

are overshadowed by the darker past

that nite i pulled you off the ledge

that razor that you held in your hand

and the pills lying on your floor

you ask why, why im always there

so ill let you kno before i go

one last time

its because in saving you

 i save my own soul its my redemption

so now as i say goodbye on last time

i want you to remember

all the good times and the bad

but i dont want you to ever be sad

because your in a better place far away

where there is no demons in your mind

your finally safe from it all

but now im left to face it alone

somehow i have to carry on

hold my head up and live my life

with the memory of that fated nite

the one time i was not there for you

i wasn't there to save the day

and this rose on your coffin

is all i have left to give

an empty shell of my former self

because in taking your life

you forgot to take mine

sorry i havent been on lately..internet at school is down..but here's the latest let me kno

shielded by my imperfections

confused by all the misdirection

is it wrong to want to need

can you heal me as i bleed

lying in this pool of icyness

i flinch at your gently caress

and now in the middle of the nite

it comes to me, you were rite

its time to finally

finally face the music

no more moon kissed harmony

this whole thing seems fake to me

if i held a gun to your chest

would u do your best

to try to impress me

make me forget all the past

erase the destruction you caused

let's see you explain it all away

its time to face the music

time is ticking away

time to face the music

its judgement day

will you stand tall

can you face it all

cuz now you must

face the music

you told me what to say

when to sleep what to think

your voice wont go away

the memories in my head they play

even when i squeeze my eyes

and scream till im raw

i wont ever forget what i saw

now as i sit staring at the sky

seeing the moon for the first time

i can see the universe from where i lie

but also i see your crime

that thick skin wont save you

in the end you'll get whats due

now do your best

to explain it all away

its time to face the music

time is ticking away

face the music

its your judgement day

will you stand tall

or will u fail and fall

cuz now its time

time to face the music

here's the latest..as usual i suck at titles so any ideas and comments are always welcome as usual.

rolling thunder clouds fill the sky

raindrops stream down my window

all the noise drowns out the lies

but still washes away the truth

nothin remain except the insides

torn and shattered before your eyes

read between the lines see what it implies

im blind to the truths

let the water wash me clean

i refuse to hear the facts

let the noise blow me away

and now you know

im not okay not ever again

not today never anymore

in the calm after the storm

i listen to the silence

waiting for the return of the norm

and an end to the violence

in my still stormy mind

look beneath my front

waiting for you to respond in kind

if i kno you itll be blunt

nothing suprises me anymore

seeing the water flow from your eyes

the very sight shakes my core

now i see the truth

its more than a vision

i can hear the facts

pulling me back to earth

and i want you to know

im ok thanks to you

finally ive found a day im okay

1. i have two canker sores..i hate them..the bane of my existence

2. some bitch stole the cord in senior lounge today so we couldnt play video games

3. lil fagit on the track team spits when he runs..he spit on me so i hit him

4. i cant find the song i wrote today

5. everyone is leavin for break so no one will be here to chill

6. its only thursday

comments are welcome as always by everyone and anyone

you ask me which path to choose

but either way we're gonna lose

the cards are stacked against us

so now what the hell do i do

no matter what happens we're through

maybe its a sign from the stars

we were never meant to be

and i would just like to know

who the hell you really are

when you daydream where do you go

because to me sometimes it seems

when we're out with others

your're really hiding behind a screen

i want you to know

that ill gladly go down in flames

brave the fires of humiliation

if thats what i must do

to make you all remember my name

so now that im falling

remember me when im gone

think of me always when you hear my song

one song to describe this paradoxial soul

and my bottomless pit of confusion

egged on by your false delusions

i cant say for sure

what made me choose you

as my desired method of suicide

on the outside you seem so pure

how fake yet how true too

you lied cheated and schemed

light my way the path is dim

take my hand show me the way

remove this blindfold from my head

reveal to me the light of day

sometimes i feel so lost

alone and seperated from the world

but you always seemed to show me the way

in the end though it was the same

you lead me to damnation

when i begged for salvation

so why do u do that to me

holding me up above a saw

please i beg you let me fall

everything slows as i drift away

just remember me in your heart

as i fall away

This is going to be one of my random political posts so hang tight. I was reading the paper yesterday and it had an article on how liberal Catholics were disappointed with the choice of the new pope. Being Catholic and not exactly a liberal I was intrigued(sp?) on how the liberal media was going to spin this one. Apparently according to a CBS poll, the same news network that brought you the fake national guard papers, most catholics in america are for gay marriage, for abortion and for the use of condoms and birth control. hhmm interesting. A liberal news media outlet publishes this and you expect me to believe it. no. I doubt those figures because I remember a poll that said the exact opposite just a year or two ago. and most catholics, while democrats, are not socialistic liberals such as hillary clinton. ugh someone shoot her.  and let me explain why this pope was chosen. it was all political. pope john paul the great(at least he is in my opinon) was one of the longest reigning popes ever. he set the church's doctrine with the help of none other than...our current pope. The cardnials are not all ultra conservative old white men. for the most part they simply want a period of stability and calm until they are ready for a new pope who might have a new agenda. this pope is elderly(78) and probably will not turn the church upside down anytime soon. I was just frustrated that the liberal american media makes everything so political. the church is seperated from american politics. or at least thats what the morons try to tell us when they take word "God" out of the pledge. the church's agenda and the american agenda are two very different things. Also the majority of christians are no longer in europe and america. now they are in Asia or Africa or Latin America. Ill bet anything that the next pope is not white. but putting a pope with a new agenda up so soon after  such a long period of conservatism would not go well. nough said about that but please let me know what you think.

My next rant concerns the minutemen in Arizona. A group of concerned citizens finally had enough with the border problems concerning illegal immigrants. So they formed their own patrol at the most pourous site along out border. all members are former veterans or trained in the use firearms and patrolling. also they set up rules all members must follow. they cant carry anythin more powerful than a handgun. no rifles or machine guns. also they may not arrest, assult or detain illegal aliens. all they do is report them to border patrol to be picked up. they have saved several lives of immigrants who were dyin in the desert. and yet the damn ACLU has a problem with this. why? i have no answer. these aliens are not americans so why do they care? also they are commiting a crime. so why do they care? why are people so upset with these brave people who are tired of government ineptitude and taking matters peacefully into their own hands? as far as im concerned the militia can keep doing what its doing until the government offers a better solution. anyway im done. ill leave this up for a day or tow. let me know your opinons and pass this on to others if u want.peace

here's the latest. its called deepest fantasy. i wrote it while listening to motley crue so its a bit faster and dirtier than usual. enjoy.

let me fufill your deepest fantasy

ill show you how good it should be

i can take you away

from the destruction and pain

leaving it all behind

as your nails scrape my spine

hold back your screams

think of me as you dream

waiting for the next time

i feel your temperature rise

burning passion deep in your eyes

the heat causing you to flush

yea now your feeling the rush

the energy, such an addiction

go through each and every position

tell me, tell me your fantasy

ill take you to the brink and bring you

crashing, crashing down

just cause it feels forbidden

that doesnt make it a crime

close your eyes and float away

open up to me slowly pushing in

i can see the passion burning

your kiss betrays your yearning

tear off the covers and the clothes

and give in to estatic fufillment

i feel your temperature rise

burning passion shows in your eyes

the heat causing you to flush

yea now your feeling the rush

the energy is such an addiction

go through each and every position

tell me, tell me your fantasy

ill take you to the edge and bring you

crashing crashing down

i kno exactly where to touch

a slap or just a sensual brush

depending on how u need it to be

tell me your deepest fantasy

tell me just how u want it to be

you know ill fufill ur deepest fantasy

bring the handcuffs and toys

i feel your temperature rise

burning passion within your eyes

the heat causing you to flush

yea i can tell you feel the rush

the energy such an addiction

tell me tell me your deepest

deepest fantasy

 

well today sucks ass. im home sick. coughing up some weird shit. i need to be better by saturday or im not going to be happy. i really want it to thunderstorm. that would be great cuz i go outside and sit on the back porch and just watch the power of it as it washes away all the dirt and dead leaves. that feeling that runs through you when the storm is right overhead and u see the lightning and hear that roar of thunder, its a feeling of awe and something else i cant quite name. but you feel so different. its a feeling of power and at the same time the storm humbles you. ill have to write somethin on it when it rains. but yea im home sick. nothin good on tv. only movie is hotel rwanda. watched that. ate an entire package of pita bread. i dunno what it is about pita bread but its damn good. mom's gonna be pissed when she finds out cuz she just bought it yesterday. ah well shit happens. im thinking i need to go for a really long run like an hour and a half. never run that far before but it'd be fun. ept im sick. fuck. anyway the whole point of this entry was a poem i just wrote. not sure how much i like it. ill leave it up to you guys as always.

a final plea to all as im about to fall

take my pain make me sane

i cant continue with all the shit i see through

pray not for me cant you all see

this wasnt what i need a broken down creed

take my pain make me sane

let me breathe let me be

alone

wont you touch me dont you hush me

i will be heard every single word

will be shouted fallen dreams touted

as proof of lies as i die before your eyes

take my pain make me sane

now i think im done

behind the clouded sun

is there a heaven in hell wont you tell

tell me where to go dont you kno

i have fled i have bled

tryin to make it rite keeping up the fight

take my pain make me sane

so this saturday i went to solvay's jr. prom. interesting time. the mass we had to go to before sucked. jenna sang pretty good though. the prom itself was ok. she got rather ticked at me i think though. im not sure i havent talked to her yet. but we went with her friend kaylin. and kaylin didnt have a date cuz her guy copped out being a dickhead. so since we went in her van and we hung out w/ her the whole nite i decided to be nice and talk to her and dance with her. not my fault i flirt too much lol. jenna was off taking 3954302957 pictures and i was bored so i talked to this chic and she was pretty cool. we knew some of the same ppl and i talk to anybody and everybody. so jenna can bite my ass. she'll get over it. friday the family went out to eat for my 'rents anniversary. 27 years. damn. long ass time. the food was good though lol. after the prom saturday we went to a school afterparty cuz jenna was straightedge and wasnt up for drinking. i think thats what pissed her off is that me and kaylin had an inside joke about getting her drunk and having sex w/ me. we just would look at each other and then jenna and ask her if she was gonna eat the chicken( we were having it for dinner) and then we laughed and she got tired of it by the end of the nite. eh shit happens. at the afterparty they had sumo wrestling suits. so much fun lol quite the workout though. then i went home and fell asleep around 4ish cuz there wasnt shit on tv. got up at 830. sucked balls but i had to cuz i had to go and work a water stop at a race. it was ok. they fed us dinosaur bbq which is the only reason i got up. if any of you have experience the joy of dino bbq u kno what i mean. as for those of you who are not lucky enough to have it yet..well u have no idea what ur missing. i have 2 AP tests soon. fuckers. i dont care. in english she just started giving us what they wanted for the essay last week. shouldnt we have reveiwed all year? dumb bitch. as for bio..well bio is just hard ah well. one month and 11 days left. haellujah. anyone up for a summer road trip? i am. anyway enough for now. peace

not much to write about so ill randomly update. i havent written anything in awhile. i have writers block. whoever gives me some inspiration will become my favorite person of the day lol. took my ap english test on thursday. that was interesting. considering that 3 out of 7 parts were on poetry and we didnt do any poetry at all this year. fucktard of a teacher sucks. she's so stupid and i really dont know who allowed her to become a teacher. ap bio is on monday..fun.. not. only good part is i get to leave school afterwards. good luck to all those who took SATs today. glad i dont have to. i cant do anythin tonite which sux. not really though. see i was supposed to go to the movies with this girl jenna, the one i went to her prom with. and jenna wants to go out with me. asked me if i liked her and all that shit. but i dont..shes not my type i guess. that and that fact that she's way way way too dramatic and yet bubbly. its a 5 second mood swing. i was afraid she was going to try some thing tonite. i dunno what but i bet i wouldve felt like a shithead afterwards for turning her down. just cuz i usually do. ah well shit happens. i had a invitational on friday at CBA. it was fun for the most part. we didnt leave till about 9 at nite. i did ok i ran the 800m..or half a mile for those of you who are metrically challenged.  i placed 3rd in my heat. i think i couldve won but i went out too slow. eh theres 2 more meets. worked from 7-3 today. busy as hell. but i was on front counter so i escaped all the bitchiness from the ppl in back. i did feel like fighting this one bitch though cuz she took forever to order, mumbled everyword so i had to keep saying 'what did u say" "excuse me?" i hate when ppl do speak up. and then she returned everything and wanted it fresh cuz her chicken selects were dry. fuck u thats what the sauce is for. came home went for a run ill go for another one tonite when its cooler. right not i dunno what ill go do..amuse myself somehow. peace

happy mothers day to all mothers. including my own i guess. anyway i have a fun lil game for everyone out there. its called the quirk game. everyone has their own little quirks or oddities that no one knows about. or maybe they do. anyway all you have to do is post one of your quirks or more if you wish. and if you reply to someone else's quirk you have to tell one of your own. im gonna post the best ones.

Steve's quirk: i wear shorts instead of boxers now..i like the breathing room lol

Rob's quirk: i eat applejacks and mustard together

btw for those of you who looked at this because sex was one of the tags i only put it up here because its always a top tag. so if u were expecting something else..sucks for you. have fun everyone with this. peace

steve

here's the latest. let me know what you think

If I pretend it will all go away

If I pretend maybe you wont stay

When i pretend we never existed

everything doesnt seem so twisted

can we close our eyes and forget

act like everything isnt a piece of shit

if i pretend maybe everything is ok

if i pretend you'll forget what i say

when i pretend sometimes it helps

it quells the raging storm inside

 you pretend the past is everything

when in fact it isnt anything

just a fake memory slowly sinking

into the cloudy fog of my mind

tell me somehow ill be just fine

when i pretend im not really here

i have finally escaped from fear

it held me back against the wall

to escape all this fear and destruction

i pretend just so i can function

so why do i still feel

feel as if i missed somethin real

if i pretend i wasnt here

if i pretend it'll all become clear

in my own clouded mind i can see

what i pretend wasnt meant to be

my life is no longer mine

let the Fates cut the lifeline

so let me float away in time

cuz when i pretend

everything is fine

here's the latest..not sure what to call it..either Teenage Statistic or Golden Boy..tell me what u think and what it should be called.

so when you turn on the nightly news

teenagers dying from their society

doesnt that shit give you the blues

gotta die to gain some notoriety

i dont wanna be another teenage statistic

should life be much more simplistic

and yet listen to the news from the stereo

with all these expectations im gonna blow

just snap to get away from it all

keep pushing me up and ill always fall

not meant to be your golden boy

and im never gonna be your fucking toy

ill never be your golden boy

you know im not a fucking toy

i dont wanna be your tool

so tired of playing the fool

so now what do u ask of me

somehow falling sets me free

your expectations tie me down

pushing my face into the ground

dont wanna be another screaming headline

another line on the bottom of the tv screen

but as i dangle from this twine

watch it snap as i fall listen to me scream

shouting out to push it all away

acting out just cuz its not my day

ill never be your golden boy

you know im not a fucking toy

i dont wanna be your tool

so tired of playing the fool

so now what do u ask of me

somehow failing sets me free

your expectations tie me down

pushing my face into the ground

so now whats the world gonna do

communities in shock and uproar

lil jimmy got drunk and killed a kid or two

so they treat it like a bleeding sore

something to be covered up behind locked doors

just because he couldnt take the pressure of today

you blame him for trying to get away

so tell me what he shouldve done

but hindsight is never any fun

ill never be your golden boy

you know im not a fucking toy

i dont wanna be another obituary

but the stress inside its kinda scary

so im not gonna play the fool

ill fail and let ur disappointment set me free

hello mindsay world. hows everyone doing? good? bad? well dont wrry things always get better. if u didnt notice im in a unusual good mood. dunno why but today wasnt too shabby..slept in walked to school..played an awesome game in religion..its called Wildfire. basically u divide the class into 5 countries and u have to stop a nuclear war..very complex and fun. and then i think i set a world record for falling asleep in class today..i was in economics and we had to watch a movie on the history of money..boring. i was out before the teacher had sat down..well not really but soon after..got to run for the first time in a week..it was fun got rid of the restlessness ive had for the past week..legs still hurt..i have 3 months till college..can not wait. anyway i thought id update real quick just for shits and giggles lol peace

steve 

So graduated saturday. how fun. actually it wasnt cuz it was 393989385 degrees in the gym. but it was still pretty cool. had a party afterwards mostly family but a few ppl stopped by. I spent most of the time in my basement playing pool. Got totally rocked by my uncle but otherwise i won most matches Then me and ethan went party hopping. i think we went to about 5 parties that day out of the 15 or so. Then christie came over that nite and we hung out. Sunday i had to get up to go to work. fucking gay shit. 7-2. went home mowed the lawn and then my entire fucking weekend blew up in my face. Christie had called while i was at work and i called her back and she was like "i dont think i can continue in this relationship cuz i still have feelings for nick" nick is her best friend/ex. I was totally caught off guard. i was like umm ok i understand..and she went through the whole i still want to talk to u blah blah thinking about this kept me up all nite blah blah fucking blah..whatever lol. i havent talked to her yet so i dunno where thats going. so i went out again after that to more grad parties. ended up out at liverpool for 5 hours or so at the only drinking party i had managed to get to that weekend. now that was what i needed. and my ride was just being gay. ethan doesnt drink or smoke and he's wicked scared about being caught so he was leaving at like 930 just as the drinking started. fucking pissed me off cuz i planned on stayin till about 1. so he bounced and i stayed and got slightly drunk cuz my dad's a prick and wanted me home by 12. i had this really good stuff..devils springs..160 proof. they wouldnt let me drink it straight so i waterd it down a bit..still strong shit. then i had some bicardi green apple. i ended up leavin around 11 cuz thats when my ride was leaving. i rode home with these two girls ive talked to maybe 5 or 6 times in my life. but i duno what im gonna do about christie. i mean its her life im not about to bitch at her for being confused about how she feels if thats the reason..not quite sure it is but ill find out eventually. and of course there's the fact that im leavin in a few months so that would be tough but..fuck i dunno..anyway

hey everyone. heres the latest. havent written in awhile. its my first poem in a few months. let me know what u think and a good title for it too. peace

they say tragedy brings a world of pain

tears out your soul sucks the life from your veins

but as my universe comes crashing down

you will not ever see me hit the ground

no matter what i will not fall to my knees

feel the fingers round my throat as they squeeze

locking myself away from the horrors i have seen

but you break down my walls just to hear my screams

torturing me slowly doing with me what you please

 tell me what would i have done in your place

would i have felt the wet streaks rolling down my face

i know nothing and ignorance is my shield

it is a dark ugly secret inside that i wield

no i wont yield anymore i will never open those doors

never to find what might bring closure to us all

never to find what might push me even more

lying here in my empty room on this empty bed

all these crazy thoughts running through my head

tossing turning through these exotic dreams

no matter what you say my ends justify my means

look out my window at the heads way below

time flies by way too fast yet the days are slow

the minutes drag on and on as the years go by

but all this means nothing as im waiting to die

here's the latest. ive had some shitty writer's block..no inspiration at all. i need my chair but i dont have it anymore...anyway comments are always welcome

locked up in the darkest corners of this dark mind

wondering what the hell have I become

I am the king of everything I hate in the world

its not that I hate myself or even you

its the fucking stupid things you always make me do

so whats your secret

tell me how do you twist me

so tightly round your finger

maybe its the carnal glint in the corner of your eye

maybe its the smile you give me right before we say goodbye

I dont know I dont know I dont ever really want to know

you'd probably laugh as i tear my hear out beating on my chest

these dark voices telling you all my secrets tearing into me

the pressure finally getting to me as the reason becomes clear

the alcohol and adderol only keep me tied down to this hell

the oxycotin and ecstasy are my savior and my traitor

so whats your secret

how do you twist me

so tightly round your finger

you make me hate the things i used to hold dear

smashed the lights and into the night in my heart you struck fear

you can own my mind and you can control my body

but that doesnt mean i cant be free of here

if only for a few moments as the blow takes control

and i escape this mental trap i fell into

into the nest of lies of secrets dark dark secrets

What the hell....is going on? You know its probably not good to give a mentally unstable person a hard time. But do I realize that? no. does anyone else? no. no can read anyone anymore. Doesnt anyone see what's beneath? No. why? because people hide behind their closed doors and the skeletons of the past. Me im an open person. Ask me anything about myself, my past, my thinking. ill answer. I wont say that i dont have secrets because i do. Im very good at avoiding difficult topics. however for some reason i cant help but explain everythin soon after. searching within can often bring memories of pain and suffering that mite rip you apart. which is why you release your demons. rid yourself of those nightmares that leaving u screaming. to me the only way to do that is to share them with others. now you can either share them with someone u trust intimately. or do somethin that i thought about that takes an enormous amouts of guts and trust..which when considering many ppl dont have trust anymore is slightly tough. but go and tell them to some random person. actually that mite be better because they have no previous concepts or judgements about you. only what u tell them. that being said you must be totally true and honest. personally i like it when people pour themselves into a blog. and not just the misery the bad stuff. the sharing of hopes, dreams, nightmares, memories and events in everyday life give the blog such life that its close to face to face.

but you know what? at face value everyone is fine. they dont have tragedies, they dont have a past. you meet them in the here and now and its a blank new page waiting to be written. me however i can read people rather well..no matter how deep u think ur skeltons are hidden..you give hints..little things..and it bugs me when people owont tell me everything. maybe i expect too much too fast? perhaps. but one thing i can not stand is dishonest. i will take an enormous amount of shit from a friend but if they are dishonest..it drive me nuts.

question is there any normal people out there anymore..honestly thats not alot to ask is it? on second thought perhaps it is. im certainly not normal ive got my past ive got my skeleton, things i not proud of or that id rather not share.

you know what ive just realized. ive never been to a funeral. ever. almost everyone i know has been to at least one. not me. in the next few years i think im gonna end up at quite a few and its a scary thought. ive never dealt with loss on a personal scale. i dont know how ill handle it. humans are so fragile mentally that its scary. the small pushes build up and then one big push and your fucked.

What the hell....is going on? You know its probably not good to give a mentally unstable person a hard time. But do I realize that? no. does anyone else? no. no can read anyone anymore. Doesnt anyone see what's beneath? No. why? because people hide behind their closed doors and the skeletons of the past. Me im an open person. Ask me anything about myself, my past, my thinking. ill answer. I wont say that i dont have secrets because i do. Im very good at avoiding difficult topics. however for some reason i cant help but explain everythin soon after. searching within can often bring memories of pain and suffering that mite rip you apart. which is why you release your demons. rid yourself of those nightmares that leaving u screaming. to me the only way to do that is to share them with others. now you can either share them with someone u trust intimately. or do somethin that i thought about that takes an enormous amouts of guts and trust..which when considering many ppl dont have trust anymore is slightly tough. but go and tell them to some random person. actually that mite be better because they have no previous concepts or judgements about you. only what u tell them. that being said you must be totally true and honest. personally i like it when people pour themselves into a blog. and not just the misery the bad stuff. the sharing of hopes, dreams, nightmares, memories and events in everyday life give the blog such life that its close to face to face.

but you know what? at face value everyone is fine. they dont have tragedies, they dont have a past. you meet them in the here and now and its a blank new page waiting to be written. me however i can read people rather well..no matter how deep u think ur skeltons are hidden..you give hints..little things..and it bugs me when people owont tell me everything. maybe i expect too much too fast? perhaps. but one thing i can not stand is dishonest. i will take an enormous amount of shit from a friend but if they are dishonest..it drive me nuts.

question is there any normal people out there anymore..honestly thats not alot to ask is it? on second thought perhaps it is. im certainly not normal ive got my past ive got my skeleton, things i not proud of or that id rather not share.

you know what ive just realized. ive never been to a funeral. ever. almost everyone i know has been to at least one. not me. in the next few years i think im gonna end up at quite a few and its a scary thought. ive never dealt with loss on a personal scale. i dont know how ill handle it. humans are so fragile mentally that its scary. the small pushes build up and then one big push and your fucked.

What the hell....is going on? You know its probably not good to give a mentally unstable person a hard time. But do I realize that? no. does anyone else? no. no can read anyone anymore. Doesnt anyone see what's beneath? No. why? because people hide behind their closed doors and the skeletons of the past. Me im an open person. Ask me anything about myself, my past, my thinking. ill answer. I wont say that i dont have secrets because i do. Im very good at avoiding difficult topics. however for some reason i cant help but explain everythin soon after. searching within can often bring memories of pain and suffering that mite rip you apart. which is why you release your demons. rid yourself of those nightmares that leaving u screaming. to me the only way to do that is to share them with others. now you can either share them with someone u trust intimately. or do somethin that i thought about that takes an enormous amouts of guts and trust..which when considering many ppl dont have trust anymore is slightly tough. but go and tell them to some random person. actually that mite be better because they have no previous concepts or judgements about you. only what u tell them. that being said you must be totally true and honest. personally i like it when people pour themselves into a blog. and not just the misery the

What the hell....is going on? You know its probably not good to give a mentally unstable person a hard time. But do I realize that? no. does anyone else? no. no can read anyone anymore. Doesnt anyone see what's beneath? No. why? because people hide behind their closed doors and the skeletons of the past. Me im an open person. Ask me anything about myself, my past, my thinking. ill answer. I wont say that i dont have secrets because i do. Im very good at avoiding difficult topics. however for some reason i cant help but explain everythin soon after. searching within can often bring memories of pain and suffering that mite rip you apart. which is why you release your demons. rid yourself of those nightmares that leaving u screaming. to me the only way to do that is to share them with others. now you can either share them with someone u trust intimately. or do somethin that i thought about that takes an enormous amouts of guts and trust..which when considering many ppl dont have trust anymore is slightly tough. but go and tell them to some random person. actually that mite be better because they have no previous concepts or judgements about you. only what u tell them. that being said you must be totally true and honest. personally i like it when people pour themselves into a blog. and not just the misery the bad stuff. the sharing of hopes, dreams, nightmares, memories and events in everyday life give the blog such life that its close to face to face.

but you know what? at face value everyone is fine. they dont have tragedies, they dont have a past. you meet them in the here and now and its a blank new page waiting to be written. me however i can read people rather well..no matter how deep u think ur skeltons are hidden..you give hints..little things..and it bugs me when people owont tell me everything. maybe i expect too much too fast? perhaps. but one thing i can not stand is dishonest. i will take an enormous amount of shit from a friend but if they are dishonest..it drive me nuts.

question is there any normal people out there anymore..honestly thats not alot to ask is it? on second thought perhaps it is. im certainly not normal ive got my past ive got my skeleton, things i not proud of or that id rather not share.

you know what ive just realized. ive never been to a funeral. ever. almost everyone i know has been to at least one. not me. in the next few years i think im gonna end up at quite a few and its a scary thought. ive never dealt with loss on a personal scale. i dont know how ill handle it. humans are so fragile mentally that its scary. the small pushes build up and then one big push and your fucked.

What the hell....is going on? You know its probably not good to give a mentally unstable person a hard time. But do I realize that? no. does anyone else? no. no can read anyone anymore. Doesnt anyone see what's beneath? No. why? because people hide behind their closed doors and the skeletons of the past. Me im an open person. Ask me anything about myself, my past, my thinking. ill answer. I wont say that i dont have secrets because i do. Im very good at avoiding difficult topics. however for some reason i cant help but explain everythin soon after. searching within can often bring memories of pain and suffering that mite rip you apart. which is why you release your demons. rid yourself of those nightmares that leaving u screaming. to me the only way to do that is to share them with others. now you can either share them with someone u trust intimately. or do somethin that i thought about that takes an enormous amouts of guts and trust..which when considering many ppl dont have trust anymore is slightly tough. but go and tell them to some random person. actually that mite be better because they have no previous concepts or judgements about you. only what u tell them. that being said you must be totally true and honest. personally i like it when people pour themselves into a blog. and not just the misery the bad stuff. the sharing of hopes, dreams, nightmares, memories and events in everyday life give the blog such life that its close to face to face.

but you know what? at face value everyone is fine. they dont have tragedies, they dont have a past. you meet them in the here and now and its a blank new page waiting to be written. me however i can read people rather well..no matter how deep u think ur skeltons are hidden..you give hints..little things..and it bugs me when people owont tell me everything. maybe i expect too much too fast? perhaps. but one thing i can not stand is dishonest. i will take an enormous amount of shit from a friend but if they are dishonest..it drive me nuts.

question is there any normal people out there anymore..honestly thats not alot to ask is it? on second thought perhaps it is. im certainly not normal ive got my past ive got my skeleton, things i not proud of or that id rather not share.

you know what ive just realized. ive never been to a funeral. ever. almost everyone i know has been to at least one. not me. in the next few years i think im gonna end up at quite a few and its a scary thought. ive never dealt with loss on a personal scale. i dont know how ill handle it. humans are so fragile mentally that its scary. the small pushes build up and then one big push and your fucked.

What the hell....is going on? You know its probably not good to give a mentally unstable person a hard time. But do I realize that? no. does anyone else? no. no can read anyone anymore. Doesnt anyone see what's beneath? No. why? because people hide behind their closed doors and the skeletons of the past. Me im an open person. Ask me anything about myself, my past, my thinking. ill answer. I wont say that i dont have secrets because i do. Im very good at avoiding difficult topics. however for some reason i cant help but explain everythin soon after. searching within can often bring memories of pain and suffering that mite rip you apart. which is why you release your demons. rid yourself of those nightmares that leaving u screaming. to me the only way to do that is to share them with others. now you can either share them with someone u trust intimately. or do somethin that i thought about that takes an enormous amouts of guts and trust..which when considering many ppl dont have trust anymore is slightly tough. but go and tell them to some random person. actually that mite be better because they have no previous concepts or judgements about you. only what u tell them. that being said you must be totally true and honest. personally i like it when people pour themselves into a blog. and not just the misery the bad stuff. the sharing of hopes, dreams, nightmares, memories and events in everyday life give the blog such life that its close to face to face.

but you know what? at face value everyone is fine. they dont have tragedies, they dont have a past. you meet them in the here and now and its a blank new page waiting to be written. me however i can read people rather well..no matter how deep u think ur skeltons are hidden..you give hints..little things..and it bugs me when people owont tell me everything. maybe i expect too much too fast? perhaps. but one thing i can not stand is dishonest. i will take an enormous amount of shit from a friend but if they are dishonest..it drive me nuts.

question is there any normal people out there anymore..honestly thats not alot to ask is it? on second thought perhaps it is. im certainly not normal ive got my past ive got my skeleton, things i not proud of or that id rather not share.

you know what ive just realized. ive never been to a funeral. ever. almost everyone i know has been to at least one. not me. in the next few years i think im gonna end up at quite a few and its a scary thought. ive never dealt with loss on a personal scale. i dont know how ill handle it. humans are so fragile mentally that its scary. the small pushes build up and then one big push and your fucked.

What the hell....is going on? You know its probably not good to give a mentally unstable person a hard time. But do I realize that? no. does anyone else? no. no can read anyone anymore. Doesnt anyone see what's beneath? No. why? because people hide behind their closed doors and the skeletons of the past. Me im an open person. Ask me anything about myself, my past, my thinking. ill answer. I wont say that i dont have secrets because i do. Im very good at avoiding difficult topics. however for some reason i cant help but explain everythin soon after. searching within can often bring memories of pain and suffering that mite rip you apart. which is why you release your demons. rid yourself of those nightmares that leaving u screaming. to me the only way to do that is to share them with others. now you can either share them with someone u trust intimately. or do somethin that i thought about that takes an enormous amouts of guts and trust..which when considering many ppl dont have trust anymore is slightly tough. but go and tell them to some random person. actually that mite be better because they have no previous concepts or judgements about you. only what u tell them. that being said you must be totally true and honest. personally i like it when people pour themselves into a blog. and not just the misery the bad stuff. the sharing of hopes, dreams, nightmares, memories and events in everyday life give the blog such life that its close to face to face.

but you know what? at face value everyone is fine. they dont have tragedies, they dont have a past. you meet them in the here and now and its a blank new page waiting to be written. me however i can read people rather well..no matter how deep u think ur skeltons are hidden..you give hints..little things..and it bugs me when people owont tell me everything. maybe i expect too much too fast? perhaps. but one thing i can not stand is dishonest. i will take an enormous amount of shit from a friend but if they are dishonest..it drive me nuts.

question is there any normal people out there anymore..honestly thats not alot to ask is it? on second thought perhaps it is. im certainly not normal ive got my past ive got my skeleton, things i not proud of or that id rather not share.

you know what ive just realized. ive never been to a funeral. ever. almost everyone i know has been to at least one. not me. in the next few years i think im gonna end up at quite a few and its a scary thought. ive never dealt with loss on a personal scale. i dont know how ill handle it. humans are so fragile mentally that its scary. the small pushes build up and then one big push and your fucked.

What the hell....is going on? You know its probably not good to give a mentally unstable person a hard time. But do I realize that? no. does anyone else? no. no can read anyone anymore. Doesnt anyone see what's beneath? No. why? because people hide behind their closed doors and the skeletons of the past. Me im an open person. Ask me anything about myself, my past, my thinking. ill answer. I wont say that i dont have secrets because i do. Im very good at avoiding difficult topics. however for some reason i cant help but explain everythin soon after. searching within can often bring memories of pain and suffering that mite rip you apart. which is why you release your demons. rid yourself of those nightmares that leaving u screaming. to me the only way to do that is to share them with others. now you can either share them with someone u trust intimately. or do somethin that i thought about that takes an enormous amouts of guts and trust..which when considering many ppl dont have trust anymore is slightly tough. but go and tell them to some random person. actually that mite be better because they have no previous concepts or judgements about you. only what u tell them. that being said you must be totally true and honest. personally i like it when people pour themselves into a blog. and not just the misery the bad stuff. the sharing of hopes, dreams, nightmares, memories and events in everyday life give the blog such life that its close to face to face.

but you know what? at face value everyone is fine. they dont have tragedies, they dont have a past. you meet them in the here and now and its a blank new page waiting to be written. me however i can read people rather well..no matter how deep u think ur skeltons are hidden..you give hints..little things..and it bugs me when people owont tell me everything. maybe i expect too much too fast? perhaps. but one thing i can not stand is dishonest. i will take an enormous amount of shit from a friend but if they are dishonest..it drive me nuts.

question is there any normal people out there anymore..honestly thats not alot to ask is it? on second thought perhaps it is. im certainly not normal ive got my past ive got my skeleton, things i not proud of or that id rather not share.

you know what ive just realized. ive never been to a funeral. ever. almost everyone i know has been to at least one. not me. in the next few years i think im gonna end up at quite a few and its a scary thought. ive never dealt with loss on a personal scale. i dont know how ill handle it. humans are so fragile mentally that its scary. the small pushes build up and then one big push and your fucked.

What the hell....is going on? You know its probably not good to give a mentally unstable person a hard time. But do I realize that? no. does anyone else? no. no can read anyone anymore. Doesnt anyone see what's beneath? No. why? because people hide behind their closed doors and the skeletons of the past. Me im an open person. Ask me anything about myself, my past, my thinking. ill answer. I wont say that i dont have secrets because i do. Im very good at avoiding difficult topics. however for some reason i cant help but explain everythin soon after. searching within can often bring memories of pain and suffering that mite rip you apart. which is why you release your demons. rid yourself of those nightmares that leaving u screaming. to me the only way to do that is to share them with others. now you can either share them with someone u trust intimately. or do somethin that i thought about that takes an enormous amouts of guts and trust..which when considering many ppl dont have trust anymore is slightly tough. but go and tell them to some random person. actually that mite be better because they have no previous concepts or judgements about you. only what u tell them. that being said you must be totally true and honest. personally i like it when people pour themselves into a blog. and not just the misery the

What the hell....is going on? You know its probably not good to give a mentally unstable person a hard time. But do I realize that? no. does anyone else? no. no can read anyone anymore. Doesnt anyone see what's beneath? No. why? because people hide behind their closed doors and the skeletons of the past. Me im an open person. Ask me anything about myself, my past, my thinking. ill answer. I wont say that i dont have secrets because i do. Im very good at avoiding difficult topics. however for some reason i cant help but explain everythin soon after. searching within can often bring memories of pain and suffering that mite rip you apart. which is why you release your demons. rid yourself of those nightmares that leaving u screaming. to me the only way to do that is to share them with others. now you can either share them with someone u trust intimately. or do somethin that i thought about that takes an enormous amouts of guts and trust..which when considering many ppl dont have trust anymore is slightly tough. but go and tell them to some random person. actually that mite be better because they have no previous concepts or judgements about you. only what u tell them. that being said you must be totally true and honest. personally i like it when people pour themselves into a blog. and not just the misery the bad stuff. the sharing of hopes, dreams, nightmares, memories and events in everyday life give the blog such life that its close to face to face.

but you know what? at face value everyone is fine. they dont have tragedies, they dont have a past. you meet them in the here and now and its a blank new page waiting to be written. me however i can read people rather well..no matter how deep u think ur skeltons are hidden..you give hints..little things..and it bugs me when people owont tell me everything. maybe i expect too much too fast? perhaps. but one thing i can not stand is dishonest. i will take an enormous amount of shit from a friend but if they are dishonest..it drive me nuts.

question is there any normal people out there anymore..honestly thats not alot to ask is it? on second thought perhaps it is. im certainly not normal ive got my past ive got my skeleton, things i not proud of or that id rather not share.

you know what ive just realized. ive never been to a funeral. ever. almost everyone i know has been to at least one. not me. in the next few years i think im gonna end up at quite a few and its a scary thought. ive never dealt with loss on a personal scale. i dont know how ill handle it. humans are so fragile mentally that its scary. the small pushes build up and then one big push and your fucked.

What the hell....is going on? You know its probably not good to give a mentally unstable person a hard time. But do I realize that? no. does anyone else? no. no can read anyone anymore. Doesnt anyone see what's beneath? No. why? because people hide behind their closed doors and the skeletons of the past. Me im an open person. Ask me anything about myself, my past, my thinking. ill answer. I wont say that i dont have secrets because i do. Im very good at avoiding difficult topics. however for some reason i cant help but explain everythin soon after. searching within can often bring memories of pain and suffering that mite rip you apart. which is why you release your demons. rid yourself of those nightmares that leaving u screaming. to me the only way to do that is to share them with others. now you can either share them with someone u trust intimately. or do somethin that i thought about that takes an enormous amouts of guts and trust..which when considering many ppl dont have trust anymore is slightly tough. but go and tell them to some random person. actually that mite be better because they have no previous concepts or judgements about you. only what u tell them. that being said you must be totally true and honest. personally i like it when people pour themselves into a blog. and not just the misery the bad stuff. the sharing of hopes, dreams, nightmares, memories and events in everyday life give the blog such life that its close to face to face.

but you know what? at face value everyone is fine. they dont have tragedies, they dont have a past. you meet them in the here and now and its a blank new page waiting to be written. me however i can read people rather well..no matter how deep u think ur skeltons are hidden..you give hints..little things..and it bugs me when people owont tell me everything. maybe i expect too much too fast? perhaps. but one thing i can not stand is dishonest. i will take an enormous amount of shit from a friend but if they are dishonest..it drive me nuts.

question is there any normal people out there anymore..honestly thats not alot to ask is it? on second thought perhaps it is. im certainly not normal ive got my past ive got my skeleton, things i not proud of or that id rather not share.

you know what ive just realized. ive never been to a funeral. ever. almost everyone i know has been to at least one. not me. in the next few years i think im gonna end up at quite a few and its a scary thought. ive never dealt with loss on a personal scale. i dont know how ill handle it. humans are so fragile mentally that its scary. the small pushes build up and then one big push and your fucked.

1. Name: Steve

2. Your Nick Names: Scuba, Scuba Steve, freakin bunny..dont ask

3. Place of Birth: solvay new york

4. Zodiac Sign: they told me libra..i have no idea actualy

5. Male or Female: im currently in testosterone overload...if that answers the question 

7. School: Geneseo College 


8. Occupation: developing alcoholic

9. Residence: my house for the past 17 years 7 months and 27 days

10. Screen Name: Giantsfan080..drop by sometime say hi


___Your Appearance___
11. Hair Color: blondish redish..dark blond


12. Hair Long or Short:  short

13. Eye Color: various blues depending on mood

14. How old are you? 17

15. Height: 5'9

16. Do you have a crush on someone right NOW (truthfully): yea u could call it that

17. Do you like yourself: yes

18. Braces?: nope good teeth naturally

19. Think you're hot?: dead fucking sexy..wait..lol

20. Piercings: nope not I

21. Tattoos: soon wait till im 18 and i get drunk enough.


22. Righty or Lefty: right

___Your 'Firsts'___
23. First Word:  probably somethin along the lines of momma or dada..people dont remember ur first words..only the last ones

24. First B.F/ G.F: mmm amber in 6th..that doesnt count lol

25. First best friend(s): ethan, tony

26. First Award: mm reader of summer for the summer reading program

27. First Sport you joined: baseball
28. First pet: dog named duchess

29. First vacation: mmm family in maryland

30. First Concert: workin on that one

31. First "Real" Love: never been in  love...im fucking 17
___Currently___
48. Eating: nothin really

49. Drinking: water

50. Online?: no im using telepathy

51. Listening to: 95x

52. Thinking About: rather odd deep thoughts

53. Wanting To: be able to read minds and change the past

54. Watching: the screen saver..i keep getting lost in my thoughts

55. Wearing: bathing suit..went to beach today..havent change yet..and shirts are stupid

___Your Future___

56. Want kids? possibly

57. Want to Get Married? I think so

___Which is Better With The Opposite/Same Sex___

58. Cute or Sexy: mmm either or..some girls got this aura of sexiness..drives me nuts..cute works though

59. Lips or Eyes: eyes man..i love eyes


60.. Hugs or Kisses: kisses duh


62. Easygoing or serious: depends on when and where

63. Romantic or Spontaneous: spontaneous i love random funnyness

64. Fatty or Skinny: i dont mind either one

65. Sensitive or Loud: both?

66. Hook-up or Relationship: they both have their perks..rite now though repeated hookups are looking good

67. Sweet or Caring: ...arent they the same

___Have You Ever___

69. Kissed a stranger: yes

70. Drank Alcohol: Oh yeah im irish


71. Smoked: never touched a cigarette

 
72. Ran Away From Home: no im not stupid..i just dont stay there alot

73. Broken a Bone: negative


74. Got an X-ray: no

75. Gone skinny dipping?: yes

76. Broke Up With Someone: Yep

77. Turned Someone Down: Yep

78. Cried When Someone Died: no


79. Cried At School: no lol

___Do You Believe In___

80. God: yes


81. Miracles: yes ive lived one


82. Love At First Sight: not really 


83. Ghosts: yes and im not joking 

84. Aliens: I doubt it


85. Soul Mates: no


86. Heaven: yep


87. Hell: living it 


88. Kissing on The First Date: hhmm if it goes rite


89. Horoscopes: one word..retarded

90. Wishes: u can wish all u want..i did..didnt get me shit..u go out and get what u want

heres the latest..let me know what u think..not my best ever..but oh well it needs work

your killing the inside of me

your killing the air i breathe

leave me alone now Im gone

your killing inside of me

your killing me so slowly

I dont know why I'll say goodbye

these demons in my head drive me along

on a runaway train with no destination

I have no more control lost in contemplation

in the dark corners of my mind

these demons keep watch over the screams inside

your killing the inside of me

your killing the air i breathe

leave me alone ill soon be gone

your killing the inside of me

your killing me so slowly

I dont know why so ill say goodbye

the skeletons in my closet are staring back at me

those ghastly smiles bring back memories

those empty eyes bore in to my soul

call back all the evil i have ever known

so why are you killing me

you think this is helping me

I have no faith yet i believe

so you'll rid me of my fears and de

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/killing_me.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=171 Giantsfan080 2005-06-28T04:06:52-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=171

heres the latest..let me know what u think..not my best ever..but oh well it needs work

your killing the inside of me

your killing the air i breathe

leave me alone now Im gone

your killing inside of me

your killing me so slowly

I dont know why I'll say goodbye

these demons in my head drive me along

on a runaway train with no destination

I have no more control lost in contemplation

in the dark corners of my mind

these demons keep watch over the screams inside

your killing the inside of me

your killing the air i breathe

leave me alone ill soon be gone

your killing the inside of me

your killing me so slowly

I dont know why so ill say goodbye

the skeletons in my closet are staring back at me

those ghastly smiles bring back memories

those empty eyes bore in to my soul

call back all the evil i have ever known

so why are you killing me

you think this is helping me

I have no faith yet i believe

so you'll rid me of my fears and de

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/171 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=172 Giantsfan080 2005-06-28T04:06:56-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=172

heres the latest..let me know what u think..not my best ever..but oh well it needs work

your killing the inside of me

your killing the air i breathe

leave me alone now Im gone

your killing inside of me

your killing me so slowly

I dont know why I'll say goodbye

these demons in my head drive me along

on a runaway train with no destination

I have no more control lost in contemplation

in the dark corners of my mind

these demons keep watch over the screams inside

your killing the inside of me

your killing the air i breathe

leave me alone ill soon be gone

your killing the inside of me

your killing me so slowly

I dont know why so ill say goodbye

the skeletons in my closet are staring back at me

those ghastly smiles bring back memories

those empty eyes bore in to my soul

call back all the evil i have ever known

so why are you killing me

you think this is helping me

I have no faith yet i believe

so you'll rid me of my fears and demons

but all i really desire is to have a reason

just give me away to explain away everything

somehow dont let this drive me insane

your killing the inside of me

your killing the air i breathe

leave me alone cuz now im gone

your killing the inside of me

your killing me so slowly

i dont know why i say goodbye

so exorcise these demons stop all this screaming

somethings wrong i dont know what

somewhere deep inside of me at voice is growing

telling everyone the vices and sins of my past

all my misteps and mistake come rushing back

i have no control slipping down this bottomless hole

so what do u want me to be

the perfect person in your mind is not a possibility

you know damn well im already living this hell

chained to the nightmares that toture my head

wake up screaming im not dreaming

its real

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/172 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/i_hate_thinking_of_subjects_cuz_theyre_never_the_cool_onesfuck_subjects.mws Giantsfan080 2005-06-29T12:06:37-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/i_hate_thinking_of_subjects_cuz_theyre_never_the_cool_onesfuck_subjects.mws  so my dog ran away yesterday. i was taking groceries out of my mom's car and the dog usually goes out ..sniffs around just to see what we got..and today i let her out and she started sniffing around and then takes off..goes in the neighbors yard then his garage..this is the neighbor who tries to call the cops on me once a month..then she runs across the street freaking me out cuz she's gonna die..i run after her..did i mention i was wearing pj pants and nothin else..chase her through 4 yards..finally find a squeaky toy in a yard and steal it and then sprint my ass back to my yard w/ her chasing me...that was the most physical activity ive done before 10am all week...one of the tags that just came up was back yard fuck...hmm..who on mindsay fucks in their back yard..fess up now u pervs..u didnt fucking invite me how rude..went for a run yesterday at 6pm thinking it would be cool enough to survive..no..i almost died i think..so fucking humid out...parents suck thats all im gonna say on that one..they both piss me off so damn much...went and saw longest yard yesterday..funny ass shit..i have a cut over one eyebrow and a cut on my finger. after leaving my house me and ethan went to the movies..and we saw this kid who we've been fighting since 8th grade..no joke everytime we see him we end up fighting him..hes  3 years older than us..long long story as to why we hate each other..but anyway we saw him..and next think i know we're going at it..i hit my hand on a wall and i think he tried headbutting me and got my eyebrow..it was a good fight..felt good to blow off some steam..anyway enough for now im off to do w/e...peace

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/i_hate_thinking_of_subjects_cuz_theyre_never_the_cool_onesfuck_subjects.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/questions.mws Giantsfan080 2005-06-29T01:06:24-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/questions.mws

if i block out the world will it still try to come to me

if i leave will anyone search the wrongs spots..cuz thats where ill be

if i left this house for days what would happen

what happens when the music stops

why do u miss people when u know they cant come back

why

today is just an odd odd day and the few days are gonna suck

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/questions.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=175 Giantsfan080 2005-06-30T12:06:13-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=175 Just stopping by to say goodbye for awhile mindsay. Going away for a week or so. This week is either going to be alot of fun or suck balls. I should probably tell you were im going lol. Im going to my uncle's camp for a week along w/ most of my extended family. so there will be plenty of beer, food, alcohol, chips, liquor, fights, wine...a normal Irish family vacation. and there have been reports of a black bear in the area so everyone will be a bitch about going places. if they dont let me run there are going to be issues. if u dont hear from me again ive either drowned, be eaten by a black bear cuz i pissed it off or did somethin rude enough to have my mom kill me..probably the last one. enjoy your 4 of july everyone and try not to blow urself up..peace

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/175 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/my_eye_and_other_ailments_lol.mws Giantsfan080 2005-07-09T07:07:00-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/my_eye_and_other_ailments_lol.mws

im back mindsay..for a while anyway..got lots to tell but no time..be back later w/ more..peace

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/my_eye_and_other_ailments_lol.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/such_a_beautiful_thing_to_throw_away.mws Giantsfan080 2005-07-10T04:07:22-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/such_a_beautiful_thing_to_throw_away.mws

god i suck at life.....

or just running diswashers... its tough

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/such_a_beautiful_thing_to_throw_away.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/undecided_on_titleneed_ur_inputso_fucking_commentor_not.mws Giantsfan080 2005-07-10T05:07:05-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/undecided_on_titleneed_ur_inputso_fucking_commentor_not.mws

here's one of the two things i wrote while at camp. i was bored so i parked myself in the hammock and watch the sun set and thought about things and that usually leads to me writing..so this one has two titles..my addiction  or my social disease..enjoy

she never cares what they

so independent does things her own way

in her wake a trail of destruction

of broken hearts and disruption

inside she holds so much confusion

all she can feel is disillusion

the world has failed her that is clear

so have I and the end is near

she's my addiction my affliction

a dirty needle stuck in my arm

she seem so rite causing me this harm

helping her makes my conscience clean

but it only makes her fiend for me

my fucking addiction my fucking affliction

she's my social disease

she's been through so much they say

shake their heads sadly as they turn away

nothing more anyone can say or do

one day she turns to me and says

how come the world doesnt hate

doesnt hate u too

she's told more than her share of lies

and cried more than her share of cries

the world always seems to push her down

only when its not kicking her around

she's my alternative girlfriend

my lover that i see only on the weekends

living her alternative lifestyle

her hair her clothes the stud in her nose

being different is an alternative it seems

she's an alternative girlfriend

she's my addiction my affliction

a dirty needle stuck in my arm

she seems so rite causing me this harm

helping her makes my conscience clean

but it only makes her fiend for me

my fucking addiction my fucking affliction

she's my social disease

and as she walks away from me

she turns around and says tearfully

your my addiction my affliction

a fucking dirty needle in my arm

goddam u make me feel so good

but then you do me so much harm

i never wanted her to see the screwed up side of me

i never really meant to cut so deep

its killing me to watch her bleed

she's my addiction my affliction

my savior and my social disease

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/undecided_on_titleneed_ur_inputso_fucking_commentor_not.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/i_never_meant_to_cut_so_deep.mws Giantsfan080 2005-07-12T11:07:21-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/i_never_meant_to_cut_so_deep.mws

just a quick update before i drag myself off to work

havent slept at all

drifted off around 3 woke up at 4

i fucking played solitaire all damn nite and listened to new cds

more later..going to be a big vent and perhaps a new song.

peace

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/i_never_meant_to_cut_so_deep.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/orientation.mws Giantsfan080 2005-07-14T10:07:04-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/orientation.mws ahh at orientation sux already

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/orientation.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=186 Giantsfan080 2005-07-16T03:07:42-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=186

i got back from orientation for school yesterday at 530. and promptly passed out on my bed till 6 this morning for work. a helluva alot of sleep. but i needed it. cuz i didnt sleep at all the nite before at school. me and a  few others just stayed up all nite and talked. it was so bad in the meetings we had to go to in the morning. but it was still cool. got chased by the university police my first nite there lol and there were pillow fights and all sorts of fun things. the club on campus was crazy..and some ppl were getting rather nasty so we left and went to watch the kareoke...which wasnt bad. the meetings in the morning sucked cuz i couldnt keep my eyes open. registered for my classes and went home. im taking philosophy, and first year seminary. a physics course and somethin else..i forget. but school is defintely gonna be fun.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/186 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/angel_of_death.mws Giantsfan080 2005-07-17T05:07:58-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/angel_of_death.mws

its too fucking hot out. anyway here's the latest. let me know what u think. its called angel of death

you dont need to lie to me

thats ok please dont bleed with me

i dont want to die

i just have no will to survive

so you'll bleed for me you say

so you'll bleed with me you say

you say you'll do it all again

but that wont stop the fall again

an angel of death is a blessing and a curse

your flowing hair so dark the color of my hearse

we both kept bending trying not to break

not knowing the other was doing the same

and now the shatterpoint has been reached

the very walls of my mind have been breached

leaving us in pieces and pieces and pieces

all over reaching for something more

just something to hold on to through the dark nite

pushed to the point of crazed and confused

fate has destined that im already gonna lose

so angel of death come to me

my prince of darkness walk with me

hold my hand as i walk down this dark hall

is the dark all that will last

or can you free me from these walls

that hold me in

will love survive the wrath of heaven

this open wound wont it ever heal again

i dont think so because the shatterpoint

is about to blow

we've reached a critical point its do or dont

and something tells me we wont

all over reaching grasping for just a bit more

so angel of death hear me out

before the sycthe strikes me down

let me ask her one more time

can you feel me walking to you

dont you see me reaching out to you

and sorching my soul as my fingers brush your lips

the pain lights a fire in me

bringing me back ot the living for the moment

but as you turn and pull away

i slowly fade and fall in to the end

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/angel_of_death.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=188 Giantsfan080 2005-07-18T10:07:57-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=188 humidity sux..along w/ other things..but im getting laid this weeknd..so its all good lol

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/188 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/random_thingsbombings_sex_drugs_rock_n_roll_and_friends.mws Giantsfan080 2005-07-22T11:07:07-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/random_thingsbombings_sex_drugs_rock_n_roll_and_friends.mws

so they tried to bomb london. again. and they failed. apparently they got scared and fled with only one minor bomb going off. they think it mite be copycats. how much of a loser do u have to be to try and emmulate those dirtbags who blew up subways and buses. that just makes me mad. i dont know how much longer it will be before at major terrorist attack either at home or elsewhere. but somethin tells me that soon there's going to be another war and this country will not be happy. ah well we'll take it when it comes

so it seems like alot of people i know are going through alot of tough times now. one of my friends has cervical cancer. she had it removed but still the fact that she 18 and had cancer is kinda rough. hopefully she'll be ok. another one of my friends is in rehab for alcohol. the kid drank way more than i ever knew. he got busted when he got drunk and busted up his house. so he's in AA for quite awhile.

what the hell is going on in the world. people act way too crazy for their own good. calm down u fuckers its no that serious..btw does anyone know what happend to poonany pie? i havent heard from him in awhile. not goood

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/random_thingsbombings_sex_drugs_rock_n_roll_and_friends.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/update_read_bitch.mws Giantsfan080 2005-07-28T03:07:35-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/update_read_bitch.mws

so another random update because its nice outside and im lazy. basically life isnt bad rite now. my friend holli introduced me to this amazing girl sarah and its been some of the best times just hanging out with her. i leave for school August 25th. and i cant wait to get out. my mother drives me nuts. if she wasnt related to me id probably have thrown things at her. i mean she nags so much. so i told her i was joining the army cuz i know she would hate that to happen. but yea school starts soon so im just hanging out enjoying this last summer. ive been working on some new stuff that ill post asap..peace

steve

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/update_read_bitch.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/im_backdid_ya_miss_me.mws Giantsfan080 2005-08-10T11:08:48-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/im_backdid_ya_miss_me.mws

hey im sorry i havent updated in forever but i had good reasons..really i did lol. well all last week i was sick. i had Coxasickies disease or somethin like that i cant spell it. but basically u get rashes in your throat or on your hands and feet. i had mine only in my throat. but it hurt like a bitch. i couldnt eat or drink or anything without serious pain. i lost 6 pounds because i only had one full meal all week. i was on some novicane type stuff and maalox..good stuff maalox...and alot of ibuprofen. so i couldnt really feel my throat. but now im better.

monday we went and finally got my new laptop for school. its a mac and i love it so far. i thought it would be hard to learn a new system but so far its ok. ive been loading all my music on to it and i have a bit more to go. i have a few new songs written that ill post later..rite now a quick nap before work. im tired out from last nite at sarahs..but that was a damn good time lol. peace

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/im_backdid_ya_miss_me.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/deep_thoughts_of_the_morning.mws Giantsfan080 2005-08-11T11:08:39-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/deep_thoughts_of_the_morning.mws

You know what.....

girls should come with a manual

the drinking age should be 18

i should be a trust fund baby

most rappers should kill themselves

life should be fair...

or at least a bit less unfair

jobs should be optional

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/deep_thoughts_of_the_morning.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/just_another_bit_of_the_obvious_u_missed.mws Giantsfan080 2005-08-12T01:08:35-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/just_another_bit_of_the_obvious_u_missed.mws

cleaned my room today

apparently my carpet is blue

i wasnt sure.

need to go to the bank and deposit the checks

tomorrow or tonite ill post my new song

its called welcome to the darker side.

good stuff

people are rather quiet today

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/just_another_bit_of_the_obvious_u_missed.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/firepaved_skies_lighting_my_way_leading_me_into_each_day.mws Giantsfan080 2005-08-20T06:08:33-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/firepaved_skies_lighting_my_way_leading_me_into_each_day.mws

Hey everyone its been awhile im sorry. lately ive been too lazy to update or only had time to check the blogs that happend to be up when i signed on. sorry

anyway im grounded. came home around 2 last nite from a party at tony's i was drunk and puked in front of my mom. twice. yea i know stupid huh? ah well everyone makes mistakes. but it was worth it. the party was awesome and i had a good time. drank about half a bottle of smirnoff and we played strip poker and the fainting game. i got down to boxers at one point. 2 girls got naked that was fun. and amazingly even though i was drunk i managed to behave myself and not try to get w/ anyone there.

also yesterday i helped my girlfriend sarah move into her apartment for school. it was a really nice apartment for a school one. i cant wait to come down and visit and hang out w/ her there. but it makes me sad at the same tiem because our time together is growing short. my friends say i need to break up with her when i go to school but i could never do that. i love the girl and thats that. itll be tough but ill manage.

my first day is friday and im looking forward to it. college is gonna be fun. i need to pack though i think ill go do that..peace

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/firepaved_skies_lighting_my_way_leading_me_into_each_day.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/my_big_toe.mws Giantsfan080 2005-08-21T10:08:56-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/my_big_toe.mws i cut the nail on my big toe too close and now it hurts..wtf mate

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/my_big_toe.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/today.mws Giantsfan080 2005-08-31T10:08:55-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/today.mws

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/today.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=199 Giantsfan080 2005-09-04T12:09:01-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=199 dont you hate the feeling you get when you talk to someone and they wont tell you the whole truth and they have stupid exscuses for it. drives me nuts. anyway after my first weekend at college....im gonna be an alcoholic before i turn 18 lol its crazy up here

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/199 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/im_backfinally.mws Giantsfan080 2005-09-05T11:09:50-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/im_backfinally.mws so after taking a break over the summer from writing inspiration has struck me again and here's my latest. its called Straight for the Edge..enjoy and tell me what u think

     You know you can rely on me

     anytime and for anything

     I will help you bear this cross

     I will help you deal with the loss

     of all that you hold true

     hold you up as your world

     falls down crashing down around you

     

     You came to me cuz I was the strong one

     know the difference between right and wrong

     a shoulder for you to cry on

     a hand for you to hold on tight

     I've always been there listening

     Wipe the tears as they fall glistening

     from your face and chase them away

     but now im the lost one

     confused not knowing where i stand

     Im the one who's falling

     Im the one who's sailing

     straight for the edge of

     Im the one who's failing

     Im the one who sailing

     straight for the edge of 

     

      suddenly now things are changing

     now im the guilty one

     now im the filthy  one

     locked inside these thoughts of you

     and all the hurt ive caused you

     im breaking apart just thinking

     I never meant to crack and fall

     usually im there standing tall

     and weathering the storm

    never giving into the temptation

     Im the one who's falling

     Im the one who's sailing

    straight for the edge of destruction

     Im the one who's failing

     Im the one who's sailing

     straight for the edge of an eruption

     

    and now that ive faltered once

    its destined to happen again

    

     

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/im_backfinally.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/stupid_angry_drunk_people.mws Giantsfan080 2005-09-09T10:09:09-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/stupid_angry_drunk_people.mws

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/stupid_angry_drunk_people.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=202 Giantsfan080 2005-09-09T10:09:43-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=202

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/202 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/what_the_fuck_happend.mws Giantsfan080 2005-09-11T04:09:28-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/what_the_fuck_happend.mws wow i really hope this works. lately mindsay hasnt let me post my blogs. the only thing that shows up is the title and tags. gayness really. anyway last nite was nuts. absolutely insanity

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/what_the_fuck_happend.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/mondays.mws Giantsfan080 2005-09-12T11:09:38-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/mondays.mws basically monday's suck. thats really all u can say about today. it sucks.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/mondays.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/last_nite.mws Giantsfan080 2005-09-13T02:09:30-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/last_nite.mws who the hell runs a jackhammer at 7am. I was tryin to sleep off a hard nite at a frat open and some idiot was down there go at some piece of pavement. assholes. last nite was cool. went out with matt and ethan and eric and john to phigs. we drank way too much. i played 6 cup till i puked. it was my first time puking while drinking beer so i figured i had to get that out of the way. it wasnt that i couldnt handle the alcohol it was just i drank too much too fast after eating. its just a really fast game but fun. basically there's 6 cups numbered 1-6. you roll a dice. whatever number u get u drink. you roll until u get an empty cup and then when u get that number u fill the cup. but as always no hangover for me. i kinda like that not ever being hungover. then we went to mia's and i spent way way too much on pizza. its so good though. only one class today but i barely made it through that cuz i kept passing out. off to do some work. peace

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/last_nite.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=206 Giantsfan080 2005-09-14T07:09:39-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=206 so i joined habitat for humanity today with my friend susan i figure it could be pretty cool plus they have a party this saturday lol but no serious i think ill like it anyone done it before?

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/206 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=207 Giantsfan080 2005-09-16T10:09:40-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=207 so last nite me matt eric and susan went out looking for a party or at least somethin to do. after taking the court st. tour..which basically means we walked about 1.5 for no good reason...we found out that all the parties were either closed parties or frat rushes..so we went to the gas station and bought a 30 pack and decided to go to the aboretum to have our own party. along the way we decided to steal street signs so i now i have two large signs in my room. one says detour and the other says south. good stuff. anyway we got a few more ppl and went and hung out in the pavilion and drank. this girl lippy came along and got shitfaced again. the other nite she puked. im done drinking with her she's annoyin when she drinks. but we were in our room playin mario kart and this kid chris comes in. apparently he's kinda matt's friend but i think he's a jackass and a prick to girls. so he left and i go wow that kid is a fag. and he opens the door cuz he heard me. he said something..dont remember what and left. i went to go get matt cuz he was wanderin around bangin on doors and then we decided to find chris and beat his ass. so we go into the lobby and basically this kid bitched out. it was sad that he had some girls stop us from fighting him...then someone pulled me back upstairs and we had a good nite. but still. i really wanted to fight that kid. i need to control my temper a bit more...nah

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/207 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/first_funeral.mws Giantsfan080 2005-09-21T10:09:43-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/first_funeral.mws Saturday my great aunt mary died. She was 85 and had been sick for awhile so it wasnt unexpected. I went home monday for the wake and the funeral was tuesday. It was my second wake and my first funeral. Also it was the first time I had seen a dead body. Rather morbid of me but i couldnt help but stare at it for awhile wondering what the hell had changed. something had changed but I couldnt put my finger on it...what made it look different than someone sleeping. i dunno. anyway it was all rather sad. She was a pretty amazing woman. knew more than anyone ive ever met. but death its just so..final..and shitty lol. id really rather not die. or grow old. but hey shit happens rite? right

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/first_funeral.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/_o_dpmt.mws Giantsfan080 2005-09-22T01:09:28-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/_o_dpmt.mws those letters for the subject..that was my fingers on the wrong keys..so rather random..anyway im bored and i again am unable to sleep..all these thoughts..some crazy...some too sane..its just another nite for me..peace out

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/_o_dpmt.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/as_the_world_falls_away.mws Giantsfan080 2005-09-24T02:09:06-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/as_the_world_falls_away.mws Last nite wasnt so great. We had a gazebo party. got 2 30 packs and went out to the gazebo. we had just cracked the beers and the RA's came out and made us dump out the open stuff and leave. so we went back to my room and played kings for awhile and then headed back out to the gazebo. it was really that great of a nite. good times but nothin special. lost my temper once or twice and thats not good at all. gotta work on that. i just finished a new song so ill be posting that later to see what you guys think. peace steve

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/as_the_world_falls_away.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/if_all_else_fail_blame_it_on_me.mws Giantsfan080 2005-09-26T11:09:51-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/if_all_else_fail_blame_it_on_me.mws yea today sux. lots of rain again. damn hurricanes. anyway got a big update later. and some new lyrics. so u better check back and let me know what u think. peace

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/if_all_else_fail_blame_it_on_me.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/_the_blame_game.mws Giantsfan080 2005-09-28T10:09:31-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/_the_blame_game.mws alrite here's the latest..let me know what u think It doesnt make sense to me In cutting your heart Ive cut you free you dont see it that way I understand but perhaps someday you'll realize Im not the one I claim to be These drinks im drowning in keep me from holding on to you keep me from ever giving you all you need I dont want to play this blame game dont play the blame game with me I hate myself for what Ive done but your better off without me if not now then in the long run I cant take the akward glances you say you never think of me well im wandering these empty halls its two am and here i am again looking for you in a place i cant find myself how bout we dont end up like the rest of them helpless and alone feeling like your on your own layin in the wet grass feeling so small look at those bright stars baby how can you blame me for lookin at the stars so please lay the blame on me dont try and carry a cross you dont deserve dont be a slave to a demon u shouldnt serve cuz im not playin this blame game

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/_the_blame_game.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/they_say_its_over_and_im_fine_againi_guess.mws Giantsfan080 2005-10-01T02:10:36-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/they_say_its_over_and_im_fine_againi_guess.mws well where do i begin. i broke up with sarah earlier this week and i feel like shit for it. thats what the last song was about. i do care for her but i cant trust myself being 3 hours away from her and with all this temptation here at school. so i told her that i had to break it off before i hurt her by cheating. and i feel like an asshole for it. i mean i always saw myself as not the usual jackass guy. guess not. and i dont know what i want. i hate how i like several ppl at once but i dunno. i need to run but i drank tonite so running is out of the question i had a kickass song goin in my head today as i went running. i always do that. like ill be running or doing something by myself and these lyrics just pop into my head. ill try and remember it later. i have to run more. id like to get up to about 10 miles. i think ill start writing more about it in here anyway enough for now..peace

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/they_say_its_over_and_im_fine_againi_guess.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/fuck_mondays.mws Giantsfan080 2005-10-03T11:10:15-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/fuck_mondays.mws so i overslept for my 830 class again. fuck. i cant do this whole early morning thing. and i have a midterm on wednesday. damn i suck at this college thing..at least the school part lol. anyway ive been lookin around campus for a place to inspire me to crank out some new songs. in the meantime i want to know if anyone who actually reads these songs wants me to start reposting some of my older ones. ill let u mull that over while i go and straighten this school thing out. I also think im sick. damnit mondays suck.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/fuck_mondays.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/lullabies_to_die_by.mws Giantsfan080 2005-10-03T05:10:06-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/lullabies_to_die_by.mws here's the latest..let me know what u think please The hum of the ferrari flashing by weaving toward the place you'll die run run from it all the flash the crash run coward run stumble drunkenly to a safer place run and hide those tears those fears as your friend lays dying on the lawn these lullbabies make you cry these lullabies the soundtrack of your life these lullabies fading as you die run run toward the porchlight run run from these lullabies those wailin sirens are a comin no matter how fast you keep runnin so why do they want to die so why why do our babies die dont the listen to these lullabies these lullabies of life keepin u alive these lullabies make you wanna cry these lullabies the soundtrack of your life these lullabies fadind as you die speeding turning the wheels squealing roaring round the wooded bend see the rainfall watch it fly by as your head is turned toward the sky you wont feel the vertigo or see the pothole till its too late and your wrapped around a phone pole so wave goodbye dont you cry leave the roses on the grave keep your head up squeeze my hand I wont let you slip away at least your alive at least you can drive away off into the distance to the sound of sweet lullabies going off to drive and kill another friend

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/lullabies_to_die_by.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/birthday.mws Giantsfan080 2005-10-14T04:10:30-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/birthday.mws so im finally 18! now i can buy cigarettes..which i wont smoke, porn...which if i really need i could probably get for free..vote..but there arent any elections...and die for my country..which i would consider if there was any need to..but there isnt..so happy birthday to me lol..actually it was wednesday and ive been too busy/hungover to blog

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/birthday.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/i_thought_i_was_out_of_high_school.mws Giantsfan080 2005-10-16T01:10:11-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/i_thought_i_was_out_of_high_school.mws so i thought when you go to college that all the drama w/ girls just stops. but apparently not. last nite i ran into more drama in one night than in a week in high school. basically my friend cait wanted to sleep with my roomate so i was leaving and this other girl ashely..who has several issues..comes up as im leaving and says let me in i cant let cait have sex with him. I was like no its their business go away and i locked the door and left. ashely starts banging on the door screaming at cait and then at me when i tell her to fuck off. so i come back like 2 mins later and there are a few ppl outside my door. so im talkin to them and ashley comes up to me again and pushes me and starts getting hysterical and yelling at me. at this point cait comes back out cuz my roomate turned her down and she's like wtf is goin on? she gets between me and ashley and ashley pushes her so i end up hold cait back and ashley leaves crying to her room. so we got everyone seperated and calmed down but cait was just trashed. it took me over an hour to get her to go to bed. this is ridiculous shit lol

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/i_thought_i_was_out_of_high_school.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/what_are_we_doing.mws Giantsfan080 2005-10-17T11:10:01-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/what_are_we_doing.mws so im sitting here. just watching cnn. i hate cnn actually but there arent alot of commericals and i hate commericals more than liberal slant so i deal with it. anyway this story comes on about Bush and the President of Bulgaria. Bulgaria will soon be joining NATO i believe and Bush is upholding them as an example of democracy. Anyway this story comes up about these Bulgarian nurses in Libya who are accused of infecting Libyan children intentionally with HIV. so of course the Libyans are going to shoot the nurses and the Bulgarians are going nuts over it. so what do they ask us? to help them free some scumbag communists nurses. now tell me why we should do that? we're trying to fight AIDS, the deadliest disease on this planet..and they spreading it? what the hell is wrong with them. The US should not be supporting Bulgaria and help shoot the nurses

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/what_are_we_doing.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=219 Giantsfan080 2005-10-19T03:10:05-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=219 basically this sums up my day...Fuck physics. i really really despise that class. unfortunately i cant withdraw because the ill only have 12 credits. so im staying for now.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/219 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=220 Giantsfan080 2005-10-19T08:10:49-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=220 i just had probably the most amazing apple ever..just thought id let you know

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/220 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/tales_of_a_rock_star.mws Giantsfan080 2005-10-22T02:10:05-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/tales_of_a_rock_star.mws here's the latest. tthis one is big because it might actually go to studio so i really need some good feedback besides the usual that was good i liked it...i appreciate all the feedback i get but this one caught the attention of this band thats goin on tour for the east coast and they'd like to include this in their repitore..so here it goes...Tales of a Rock Star woke up still reeling from last nite dont remember much was I in a fight? cuz there's blood on my knuckles and my lip my heart is pounding, slowly losing my grip slowly spiraling downward out of control clawing desperately to get out alive this black hole keeps sucking me in Im sick and tired of this life and these are the tales of a rock star how did i get so far as my feet hit the floor my hand hits the drink my hand shakes from gripping this bottle of emptiness lookin in the mirror behind the sink my eyes squeezed closed I just can't think This hedonistic existence isn't all you dream I'll be having a blast but I want so bad to scream the drugs I take to keep down these demons only serve to push me farther under this and now im staring at the wall realizing realizing after after all im spiraling slowly downard out of control clawing desperately to get out alive this black hole keeps sucking me in im sick and tired of this life and these are the tales of a rock star how did i get so far I hit the stage already fucked up i pick you out and it fills my chest trying to figure out how much of a soul i got left i raise my pick a salute to the gods and then slam it down as the speakers throb playing my heart out losing myself in the noise my eyes glazed over from this stuff but you stand out in the chaos and the crowd in your face i read your disappointment but when your not there alcohol's my ointment yeas sometimes we lose control of the nite party too hard get rowdy and fight but as long as im passed out or in pain these thoughts of you are erased from my brain they tell me your dead and gone forever but i cant bring myself to accept this reality its not true your only gone for a bit now im spiraling slowly downward out of control this black hole keeps sucking me back in clawing desperately trying to survive get out alive im so sick and tired of being sick and tired of this and these are the tales of a rock star how did i get so far every nite as i pass out in my bed arms around a girl i just met an hour ago these thought of you rip through the fog in my head i take one more drink and let the bottle fall just wishing something would end it all i wont lie i miss you more with every drop

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/tales_of_a_rock_star.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=222 Giantsfan080 2005-10-23T03:10:53-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=222 yea im sick again still and its just not making me happy at all. and just last nite i got myself in trouble..again lol...it was my friend emily's 18th bday so we were celebrating in her room and i of course had a damn good time. so i head to bed and my friend collen had brought her sister up for the weeknd. she's a junior in high school and she says she needs to see me so i walk out my door down to collen's room and heather is there and next thing i know we're in the lounge making out..wtf? anyway today i got a bunch of shit from ppl for what i did but you know what? fuck it i didnt do anything wrong. get off my case

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/222 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/monday.mws Giantsfan080 2005-10-24T03:10:00-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/monday.mws another hellish monday. 5 classes..thats just cruel and unusual punishment if any of you are bored i say you check out this new music i came across citizen cope is his name and its some good stuff. www.citizencope.com

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/monday.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/fuck_rain.mws Giantsfan080 2005-10-25T08:10:20-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/fuck_rain.mws rain really sucks. its been raining all day. give me a break and snow already. almost got killed by a deer today. that was a trip. i was running in these trails i found near school and i came to these crossroads and the damn thing comes out of nowhere. seeing as it was raining i fell on my ass..bastard

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/fuck_rain.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/mmm_bagels.mws Giantsfan080 2005-10-29T06:10:53-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/mmm_bagels.mws i cant say how good bagels are. just thought id let you all know. jess came up to visit yesterday. honestly that made my week. i haven't seen her in 2 weeks and i really did miss her. she only stayed till 10 cuz her mom's a bitch. ah well. she's thinking of coming here or going to st. john fisher. We had a good time here though. hung out in the room for awhile and then we went to go see Saw 2. the bus driver was hilarious. its quite possible he was drunk but hey it was fun. the movie was decent. the ending really did save it. wont go into detail in case ppl here want to see it but the first one was better. after she left we went out to omega and it was packed. i had a good time even though it was a fight for every drink. i think tonite we'll all be going out as a floor to either phigs or dk. peace

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/mmm_bagels.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/dream.mws Giantsfan080 2005-10-31T12:10:36-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/dream.mws I just woke up from my usual morning nap and I had the wierdest dream I've had in awhile. I was in a house somewhere and this guy comes up to me and suddenly starts beating the crap out of me. So next thing I know Im in another room talking to this girl who keeps appearing in this dream and the guy shows up again. and this time I start kicking the shit out of him. but no matter hwo many times i hit him and kick him and throw him against the wall he keeps coming back for more....so odd.. Got my midterms back. C and C+ in political science and pyschology. those will go up though. I just got a 94 on my political science test so im good. i have to pick the courses Im taking for next semester. Im not sure what to pick because that means I have to decide which direction I'd like my college career and therefore my life to take. so maybe I'll try to fill it with gen ed courses and pass up on that desicion till fall next year. i hate running from desicions but im not ready to make this one yet...maybe soon..i have alot of thinking to do about where im going and what im doing.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/dream.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/nov_2nd_walkout.mws Giantsfan080 2005-10-31T05:10:41-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/nov_2nd_walkout.mws this is in response to causticveracity's post on the nationwide walkout planned for Novemeber 2nd. This country has a long way to go before we're anywhere close to fixing the mess we've made. But walking out isn't going to help. Sure you'll say that the youth of this nation are so against Bush. nah. most of those who walk out will probably just be doing it to get out of school. Sure you've got speakers. but who do you have? the terrorist lawyer? I dont think the mainstream will listen to that scum. and thats the thing, the liberals simply can not get in touch with the mainstream. So maybe this protest does go down. ok. what will that change?? nothing. 40% of this country supports the way bush is handling this country. But you will not ever get 60% of this country out to protest, walk out of school or their jobs. why? because some dont care, others have a sense of responsibility to themselves or their families. you can't walk off a job if its the only way to support your family. You see I think the real problem in this country is not Pres. Bush but congress. Yea Bush is a moron, yea he lied...so what else is new. so did the last president, and the ones before him. People in power lie thats what they do thats how they got there. No the real problem in this country is our corrupt congress. This congress is one of the most corrupt congresses in our nation's history. You want change? get rid of the pawns and puppets who stay there for decades, guiding our country right into the lining of their pockets. Get rid of DeLay, Lott, Kennedy and all those who have been in congress longer than most of us have been alive. To save this country we need to set term limits on congress. That wont stop the downward spiral we've entered but it might buy us enough time to fix it in the end. Walking out will not change anything. This is not the 60's, you need alot more popular support to pull this off and right now its a mostly underground movement. but if you feel that you must walk off then more power to you i guess. at least all these followers can still think enough to pull together a protest. but i doubt anything will change

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/nov_2nd_walkout.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/much_better.mws Giantsfan080 2005-11-02T07:11:48-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/much_better.mws wow just got back from a nice hour long run. i feel better now even though everything from the waist down hurts. So today was the day. The begining of the "revolution" that was supposed to take this country back. I have one question though: What in the hell are you taking it back from? Back from the politicians? back from the right wing? the rich and powerful? ok. so maybe somehow you manage to wrest power from the rich and powerful who can squash you like a bug. Then what? start a popular revolution and overthrow the government and factory system and begin the Global Marxist revolution? I think not. If you knock someone out of power there is then a power vacuum. And who steps in but the Left. So all you revolutionaries and protesters would be accomplishing would be handing the power over to the rich and powerful on the Left. Congratulations you just fucked this country over..again..just differently. You see there isn't going to be a revolution to overthrow bush or the right wing or the left wing or the rich and powerful. why you ask? because the majority of this country is blind and content, fat and stupid and working too hard to spend time and energy organizing and protesting. the supposed protests today were a complete and absmysal failure. I didnt see it on any of the national news networks. Not even the bastards at CBS. maybe i missed some random 30 second clip showing people losing their jobs by walking out of work or gettin expelled from school for walking out. morons. be smart. there are other ways to get your point across. nuff said

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/much_better.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/libby_trial.mws Giantsfan080 2005-11-03T03:11:09-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/libby_trial.mws so while sitting on my futon eating breakfast i decided to turn on CNN and catch up on the world. the only thing that was on was the scandal with Scooter Libby and his supposed misdeeds. Im not sure what to make of this case. First off this will linger for years. The trial wont start till februrary and there will be stalling on both sides and so i don't expect this to be resolved for sometime. that however is not the issue at hand. the issue at hand is wether he did reveal the name of a covert operative and also how high up does this scandal go. in my eyes libby is just a fall guy. i dont know if it goes all the way to cheney but it wouldnt suprise me. or rove. im not exactly a bush supporter but i can deal with him...but i hate cheney..he's just a political player and pusher of pawns. if there is a giant government conspiracy like some of the idiots on here say...then he's at the head. but id like to know what you all think of the issue with libby and what should be done or what will happen

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/libby_trial.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/philosophical_drunkness.mws Giantsfan080 2005-11-05T02:11:11-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/philosophical_drunkness.mws im strangely poetic and philosophical when im coming down...anyway today in philosophy we were discussing number systems and boolean logic and translation..(god that makes me sounds smart..im gonna screw that up with this next sentence)..and i began to drift and think as i do when im bored...but i was thinking about the whole osama thingy..and you know what...i think osama is gay. yep. cuz i mean think about it. he says if he dies he gets 72 virgins if he's martyrs by those damn "infidels"...so why the fuck is he running.. i mean shit if that was true then ill run out to the desert w/ a fucking bullseye on my nuts..fuck osama lol

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/philosophical_drunkness.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/maybe_its_a_lack_of_inspiration.mws Giantsfan080 2005-11-06T02:11:33-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/maybe_its_a_lack_of_inspiration.mws If one more christian fundamentalist tells me that im a sinner and going to hell for the way I live my life im going to go nuts. but then that goes double for the damn atheists who think they're so cool because they "rebelling" by not believing anything. fuck off all of you and let me live my life. i dont interfere in your belief system or lack thereof so don't mess with mine. oh and by the way i absolutely despise myspace...its becoming addicting

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/maybe_its_a_lack_of_inspiration.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/it_just_takes_some_time.mws Giantsfan080 2005-11-07T04:11:56-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/it_just_takes_some_time.mws Lately have I only fully begun to realize the amazing lack of independent news sources we have in our country. Approximately 20 or so corporations control all the media in America. That means television, newspapers, magazines. Every major news outlet is part of a conglomerate. So if your looking for an open objective news source well good luck. Even BBC, recognized as being a rather objective news source is easily biased. So where to turn to for an outsider's view of America? Al Jazeera? I'd rather not. Seeing as they're just as bad, being a voicebox for terrorist organizations. So what to do? An independent news source would have to be privately owned and operated. That involves a huge amount of capital start up and even then who's to say that such a source wouldn't be biased. So to get a fair picture lately I've been balancing. I watch some of CNN and try not to puke at the shallowness and then turn on Fox and try not to laugh at thinking of all the liberals hating them. Still thought it's amazing all the international news that goes under the radar here in America. Think about it. During the Balkans War of the mid 90's with NATO running bombing raids...what was on?? oh yea..our buddy OJ Simpson with his whole drama. And now during the Iraq war besides a casualty count what else is there? not too much. But Micheal Jackson wears pj's to court and they spend a whole damn day on it. Is out country that shallow and easily entertained that such pettiness qualifies a bona fide news? anyway on a lighter note here's a laugh for some people 1. Go to google.com 2. type in the word "failure" 3. Press the "im feeling lucky button" enjoy all you liberal morons heh

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/it_just_takes_some_time.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=234 Giantsfan080 2005-11-07T10:11:02-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=234 ha the patriots are losing..thank you jesus

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/234 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/madonna_is_a_douche.mws Giantsfan080 2005-11-08T01:11:43-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/madonna_is_a_douche.mws things i learned today myspace really is full of whores..male and female karsokoff's disease is quite possibly in my genetic code due to my irish heritage and my family's propensity for drinking che guevara is made out to be more than he was. he died in a jungle and not as a fighter holli's eyes have yellow in them chris really needs to get laid this subject had absolutely no relation to this post..

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/madonna_is_a_douche.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/french_riots.mws Giantsfan080 2005-11-09T05:11:43-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/french_riots.mws So I've been trying to catch up on the story with the french riots that have been going on for the past two weeks. It's very hard to keep up with things cuz its like im in my own world here at college. anyway my impression is that these riots have been a long time coming and that the french government is at a total lost to deal with them. However I find it stupid that the catalyst for this was that two kids got them selves electrocuted running from the cops. that was their own fault. stop burning your cars morons. and apparently the french government is kicking out any immigrants that they've arrested during these riots. i say good but not enough. go around and get the rest of the illegals and send them back. the problem in france is there are no jobs well if you kick out the less deserving then a few spots might open. i think thats what would happen here anyway. but then we all know the french aren't exactly tough guys.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/french_riots.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=237 Giantsfan080 2005-11-11T12:11:42-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=237 going home for the weekend so won't be much activity on here till maybe monday.peace all

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/237 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/damn_giants_game.mws Giantsfan080 2005-11-13T04:11:15-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/damn_giants_game.mws fuck minnestota...damn bastards..fuck eli...he still sucks too

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/damn_giants_game.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=239 Giantsfan080 2005-11-17T02:11:52-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=239

the inevitable has finally happened. no dick cheney hasn't died from his 20th heart attack..maybe tommorrow you'll be that lucky. It has finally started to snow. I've been waiting for this day since..hallooween? yea about then. its been abnormally warm up until now. but now that shit is over and we're finally going to be covered in more white powder than al pacino's face in scarface.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/239 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=240 Giantsfan080 2005-11-27T03:11:01-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=240 so quite simply the only reason that i haven't bloggd in forever and a day is simply that i've had nothin of importance to say and i had posting nothin blogs. plus i've had writers block like a motherfucker. but soon ill be back on track. hope everyone enjoyed their holidays

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/240 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=241 Giantsfan080 2005-11-28T02:11:00-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=241 its almost december. and its 60 degrees out here. what is wrong with the world??? i need snow damnit all

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/241 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/this_is_better_than_physics_class.mws Giantsfan080 2005-11-28T03:11:10-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/this_is_better_than_physics_class.mws If you had me alone...locked up in your room for twenty-four hours
& I had to do whatever you wanted me to, what would you do with me?
Post this on your blog. You might be surprised with the responses you
get. They could make you laugh or even smile...if you don't re-post this Fabio the Omnipotent space alien will return from Andor 6 and show you the true meaning of the word BUKKAKE!

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/this_is_better_than_physics_class.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=243 Giantsfan080 2005-11-28T03:11:25-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=243 i have new blog for all the lyrics ive been writing lately. check it out in a few days when i get some stuff up. viewfromheaven.mindsay.com

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/243 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/newest_lyricscheck_it_out.mws Giantsfan080 2005-11-29T09:11:36-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/newest_lyricscheck_it_out.mws Alrite here it is...my breakout from writers block..which of course i get a 145 am. So please comments, critiscm and suggestions are always welcome. thanx Sometimes I feel like my heads about to burst For some reason I always fear the worst I wonder what your thinking where you’ve been Are being dishonest are you still my friend With my eyes closed A perfect outline I could trace but lately to me something just feel outta place tell me whats that deep secret tell me whats behind those eyes they form a wall I can’t get past sometimes I think im going nowhere we’re going nowhere fast babe the questions tumbling through my mind is this the end am I being left behind i cant make you stay with me but I can’t say I wouldn’t mind if you stayed with me our bodies wrapped together we lay as one yet two separate minds with two sepreate thoughts tell me whats that deep secret tell me whats behind those eyes they form a wall I cant get past im stuck no matter how hard I try so I guess im going nowhere going nowhere fast babe you know sometimes I have my doubts i need to be needed is that a bad thing just show me your not okay alone and all these thoughts will disappear but right now nothing really seems clear maybe its me maybe its you but as of now im not sure what to do

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/newest_lyricscheck_it_out.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/compulsory_military_service.mws Giantsfan080 2005-11-30T02:11:28-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/compulsory_military_service.mws so my friend got a letter today from the selective service thingy saying that if he doesn't register for the draft soon he's going to jail. now we could avoid all this trouble if they simply made armed serivce compulsory for all males over the age of 18. in fact we were thinking about this and here's what we came up with.. All males 18 and older must serve 3-5 years before they turn 35. 3 years if you do active duty and 5 if you do reserve. Females could also serve but only reserve for 3 years. this would free up more room for active duty soldiers the Department of Defense would also provide compensation in the form student aid. This would also solve the problem we have of a lack of college aid funds. The money from this aid would partially come from all the recruiting aids the army would no long have to run. Yes of course there would still be the usual deferrments on religion and stuff. i know most people would not agree with this..im not saying i do but it would be interesting to see what people think on this

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/compulsory_military_service.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=246 Giantsfan080 2005-12-01T03:12:54-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=246 Here's a new one. doesn't have a title yet. Im thinking "Phase" for rite now I don't mind sometimes when you call at night But it seems to me that your just trying to fight I can't do this for all eternity, just why wont you leave me Ill say I wont miss you if you won't call my bluff In this life I lead sometimes i get lost In this life I lead once in awhile I'll fall In this life I lead I can't be a leader In this life I lead Im done risking it all so take your silly catch phrases and leave your just another one of my phases another mistake I always seem to repeat I don't need your sarcasm or those words of venom Your a ball and chain wrapped around my legs A cold set of handcuffs pinning me to this bed In this life I lead sometimes I get lost In this life I lead once in awhile I'll fall In this life I lead I can't be a leader In this life I lead I can't risk it all You just hate it how you can't get through I know it drives you nuts I wont open to you You can't take it sometimes it seems I can tell by glare in your eyes I won't be a little bird trapped in a cage keep on pushing me under you will feel my rage Im just looking for you to try and understand Im just tryin to get you to hear what im saying Listen not to the words i scream but the whisper Look not for the hidden meaning underneath What im saying is right in the open If you'll only listen to my scilence

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/246 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=247 Giantsfan080 2005-12-02T10:12:23-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=247 Ive decided that im going to run for dictator of this sad sack country someday. aka president. but you all see them as dictators anyway so ill play along. but when i am elected dictator im going to make it so that stupid people are shot a birth. cuz ive had enough of them

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/247 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/yep.mws Giantsfan080 2005-12-04T11:12:29-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/yep.mws 1. its cold as a bitch outside 2. physics is the most pointless subject i could ever imagine 3. im tired as fuck and i dont know why 4. its good to be back at school. 5. if i can get this new song out of my head it should be a good one..so check back when i have something worthwhile to say

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/yep.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=249 Giantsfan080 2005-12-05T08:12:15-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=249 i happen to be in a very good mood right now. why? because i will never ever have to go to another physics lab..ever. that's if i pass this final exam. which i quite possibly won't but oh well. im enjoyin the moment

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/249 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=250 Giantsfan080 2005-12-06T10:12:25-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=250 nothin fun today really. went to class. got kicked out lol. story behind that one. then i went to this debate/discussion thing over in Welles and this professor had a thesis called "the united states should withdraw immediately from iraq" so we tossed that around for an hour. it was half way interesting. acutally i really liked it. i haven't found anyone to argue politics w/ cuz i don't go to the college republicans meetings anymore. thats only because i have to go to physics learning center at that time so i pass physics. Then came back here. didnt do a damn thing. i should be starting my final paper for my northern ireland class but i dont have the motivation. snorted some adderol last nite and it was fucking crazy. couldnt sleep and i stared at that movie like i was hypnotized lol maybe ill use that when i need to study. anyway im gonna watch boondock saints and write a lil bit. peace

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/250 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/come_sit_close_to_me.mws Giantsfan080 2005-12-10T06:12:20-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/come_sit_close_to_me.mws lately its been one of those days where i feel like punching everything i can. last nite i tried my best to get this kid to fight me and he just wouldn't. he's already been kicked off campus housing so he bitched out. and i fucking hate it when people blow me off. fuck you. thats it for now i got shit to do i dont need to dwell on this. got some new lyrics they'll be up later. maybe.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/come_sit_close_to_me.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/new_stuff.mws Giantsfan080 2005-12-11T01:12:36-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/new_stuff.mws so tonite i sat around in a funk and just sat in the study room and wrote. here's one of them. ill post the other one tomorrow nite. comments and criticism is welcome. it needs a title too so let me know if you think of a good one Blank as the paper in front of me my mind is racing as im pacing its 4 am and i just can't sleep insomnia isn't just a condition its the definition of my life always awake while your asleep only to fall into the trap of sleep just as you slowly awake from a dream there's so much going on up in here this mind is a cage, a prison these words are my secret codes a letter of love from behind bars tell me how i can hold my head high putting this to words is my task and these songs just wont do they dont show what i need what i feel these crossouts are my failed attempts these crumpled balls are my dead ends wear my pencil down to the nub just trying to show you how i feel its slowly wasting away my mind why can't i say how i feel these words just won't form on my tongue tell me how i can express these thoughts tell me how i can hold my head high putting this to words is my task and these songs just wont do they dont show what i need what i feel to put it simply as i can babe the only words i can say to you is that i want you that won't do no i need you i need the perfect way you walk i need that flash of a smile behind your eyes i just need to be needed by you I need the attitude and the sneer im not supposed to show this weakness but ill lose my mind if i dont speak it

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/new_stuff.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/taking_a_break.mws Giantsfan080 2005-12-13T12:12:13-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/taking_a_break.mws i decided to take a break from studying and making study sheets and doing my paper. the next few days are gonna be hell and i probably wont be on as much. so i decided to post another set of lyrics i wrote the other nite when i was up late. its called " The Death of Summer". comments and criticisms are always welcome even if you don't know me. thanks. sitting here waiting for this inspiration let lightning strike and set my mind aflame much like pyrotechnics over a midnight sky sitting here waiting for summer to die wondering lazily when ill hit the end of this one way highway of anger and alcohol this enternal night of fear and drugs maybe one more shot is the way to go maybe all this world needs is a bit of this speed if i fail you can call me a loser but if i succeed and overcome everything you'll be right there bowing at my feet sitting here waiting for this high to end like a rollercoaster ride in life going so fast but the scenery never changes sitting here waiting for this summer to die late nights turn to late mornings if you can't understand what's become of me I can't help you when when i barely understand me somewhere along the line i slipped away into a dream world where nothing is real fell through the cracks and crushed under the wheel I guess in the end I just lost touch with reality sitting here waiting for the leaves to change sitting here waiting for a real brain wave maybe a moment of clarity would be nice maybe a bright idea to break this frigid ice just a something just an anything hand me a pill a pipe or a needle a burst to break the monotony just something to help me get ahead just something to hold me over as this golden summer passes me by

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/taking_a_break.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/studying.mws Giantsfan080 2005-12-13T05:12:41-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/studying.mws FUCK SCHOOL, FUCK STUDYING, FUCK IT.....this day is way too much stress..and i still got 7 hours to go..

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/studying.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/check_it_out.mws Giantsfan080 2005-12-14T12:12:05-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/check_it_out.mws this is the most productive thing ive done all day. yep new lyrics again. check it out and let me know what you think. im either titling it backyard therapy or late nite therapy. let me know which one you think. Lay down next to me in your backyard we'll laugh and talk to point at the stars so you play therapists and ill play shrink lay next to each other talk listen and think and maybe somehow we'll find a solution a salvation, a sensation or just a way out its more late night therapy than you'll ever need tell me you deepest secrets and all your needs ill tell you everything you'll ever wanna know people come and people will go but backyard therapy is always there for you now we're both heading down this one way road moving too fast stepping way out of line neither of has a map or a plan just gotta get the hell outta here as fast as we can so take what you can and leave the rest drop all the baggage and we'll do our best we can move forward don't waste your time never look back on all that was left behind its more late night therapy than you'll ever need tell me you deepest secrets and all your needs ill tell you everything you'll ever wanna know people come and people will go but backyard therapy is always there for you and if your not ready to move ahead you can always just stay behind id like you to come but ill survive i guess in the we find our own way watch me move on and on and on again now we've grown up and move apart but i wont forget laying there in your back yard

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/check_it_out.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=256 Giantsfan080 2005-12-15T12:12:13-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=256 im so damn hungry..i ran out of money on my meal card and i haven't put anymore on yet. im starving lol. its about 7 degrees out so walking to the ATM and then up to whatever building I have to go to put more money on my card is not a good time. so ill stay here starve and study. what a life

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/256 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=257 Giantsfan080 2005-12-16T10:12:46-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=257 ugh. im dead today. fuck i hate finals and papers and all this crap. can't wait to go home to cuse.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/257 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=258 Giantsfan080 2005-12-17T10:12:17-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=258 so i went and got some xmas shopping done today. kinda fun. actually the best part was sitting in borders reading and eating these apple cinnamon muffins..really good. actually amazing. but yea i got about half done. i still have my grandmothers and of course jess. thats gonna be tough i gotta really think about that one. i missed the bus while reading so i had the choice of sitting there for another 2 hours or hitchiking 25 miles home. i decided that everyone should hitchhike once in their life so i did. kinda cool..but too damn cold. i doubt ill feel the need to repeat that experience. alrite i got 3 papers due monday. time to work some magic

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/258 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=259 Giantsfan080 2005-12-19T09:12:34-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=259 one down one to go and then write my paper..and then get drunk to celebrate the end of the semester

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/259 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=260 Giantsfan080 2005-12-19T03:12:26-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=260 so im finally done. finished. completely done with my first semester of college. actually i lie i have a paper due tm at 4. but that can wait. right now im relaxing and thinking about christmas break. and of course tonite. a bunch of us have decided to throw a little end of semester christmas party. which basically is an exscuse to get drunk on a monday nite...not that ive ever needed one but hey its nice to have one. so i guess ill go think about doing that paper or maybe write a bit and then pack. i have about 4 tons of dirty laundry. peace

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/260 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/your_god_your_savior.mws Giantsfan080 2005-12-19T05:12:31-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/your_god_your_savior.mws alrite so im cleaning out my desk and i come across an old song i wrote that i never really finished. so i did and here it is. its call "Your God, Your Savior" stepping in front of that gun do you remember me stepping in front of a bullet im tired of playing the hero don't try and drag me down with you Its not over till my coffins in the ground until that time ill fight to the death just to keep holding on to that last breath Who said I was your God Who said I was your Savior Im a sinner just like you Im no angel and i cant help you so sorry got you confused im not right your not wrong im closer to the truth but that wont help in saving you Maybe i could be your hero Maybe i could hold up the world just to keep you on your feet catch you as you fall never missing beat but im tired of this game you play your hero your savior im not your god your diety ill never be you not ever gonna be your anything who said i was your god in the end im just a fallen angel who said i was your god who said i was your savior im not right your not wrong so maybe im closer to the truth but that cant make me save you on last thing before we drift away someday perhaps you'll see it my way these scars on my hands and feet are real but these are the wounds that healed inside is where im always torn apart everyday as i continue to play the part being your god your savior Who said i was your god who said i was your savior im a sinner just like you im no angel and i cant save you im no hero and i can't take the bullet so sorry your confused but none of this can help me save you

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/your_god_your_savior.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=262 Giantsfan080 2005-12-20T11:12:16-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=262 Last day at geneseo. im going home for an entire month almost. this is gonna be great. now if only i can get rid of my headache and write my paper before i go home ill be good.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/262 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=263 Giantsfan080 2005-12-27T01:12:22-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=263 Hey sorry i haven't been on in awhile. the internet at my house isn't working right so i can't get on. im kinda goin through a bit of a withdrawal not being able to go online and update and crap. ah well shit happens. hopefully it will be fixed soon and ill be able to post some new stuff. peace

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/263 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/oh_happy_fucking_days.mws Giantsfan080 2005-12-27T02:12:22-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/oh_happy_fucking_days.mws Hahaha  yesssssss. I just found something out that made my day. As a few of you may know i struggled with phsyics this semester. i had never taken physics class before and it was extremely difficult for me. that may have been due to that fact that i didnt care about the class but that doest matter. earlier in the year i got a letter from the college saying that i was in danger of being put on academic probation if i didn't get that grade up. so i started to bust my ass...by that i mean i did my hw and sometimes showed up for class. And i just found out that i passed physics. No F or D-..but a flat out D. go me lol

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/oh_happy_fucking_days.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=265 Giantsfan080 2006-01-06T06:01:47-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=265 alrite i apologize for not being on in forever and a day. im sorry but the internet at my house sucks and when it does work it either freezes or goes way too slow and i get frustrated and sign off. so just a real quick update. break has been ok. ive been working 20+ hours a week. not as much as id like but about as much of mickey d's as i can handle. i haven't gotten fired for messing with josh the maintance guy but it was close the other day. if he wasn't such a pussy we wouldve fought already. im taking my road test tuesday so hopefully ill have a liscense soon. things between me and jess are good i guess. i haven't seen her as much as i like but not much i can do about it. suprisingly me and my ex sarah get along just fine. i thought it would be akward seeing her for the first time since we broke up but its been ok. we've come to an understanding and we're pretty good friends. anyway thats all i got for now. ive written some new stuff while ive been home so that will be posted sooner rather than later hopefully. peace

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/265 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=266 Giantsfan080 2006-01-16T04:01:42-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=266 finally back at school. thank you jesus. let the fun begin

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/266 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=267 Giantsfan080 2006-01-16T07:01:46-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=267 things to do now that im back in school: 1. get drunk and celebrate being bac 2. take saran wrap and put it over all the toilet seats and showerheads 3. put saran wrap over peoples doors so they walk into it 4. put condoms w/ lotion inside on people's door handles 5. get drunk at the opens at the frat houses 6. show up to class and see what i think of this new schedule 7. think of more stupid immature pranks to pull...btw any ideas are welcome

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/267 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=268 Giantsfan080 2006-01-18T12:01:35-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=268 yep tomorrow ill be posting some new lyrics..so stop by tomorrow and check them out and let me know what you think. peace

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/268 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/i_want_hold_you_high_and_steal_your_pain.mws Giantsfan080 2006-01-19T07:01:12-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/i_want_hold_you_high_and_steal_your_pain.mws ok as promised heres some new stuff...little later than planned but you know what? i was busy. yep doing absolutely nothing. so here it is let me know what you think. Its called Cut and Run. I was lost but only in my thoughts I was dying but only in my mind I was sick but only in my soul My toungue is thick, the words just will not come My breathe is scarce thoughts fail to me Ive seen it coming so ive spent my time numbing Getting ready for the hurt preparing for the pain cuz ive seen what you do before and I know you’ll cut and run just as you’ve always done cut and run and leaving me behind cut and run cut and run on towards the horizon cuz ive seen what you do before and I know you’ll cut and run just as you’ve always done cut and run and leaving me behind cut and run cut and run on towards the horizon you always said this day would never come i saw the lies but still I played dumb well now I know how it feels to die only on the inside i can’t fake what was never really there you said those words and pretended that was fair and Ive seen you do it before just as you did now cut and run just as you’ve always done cut and run leaving the world behind cut and run cut and run breathe life back into me and suck the poison from my veins i never was that smooth criminal I tried to be i can’t say that it really bothers me wearing that charade made my soul fade made me feel as if I was your love slave and Ive seen you do it before just as you did now cut and run just as you’ve always done cut and run leaving the world behind cut and run cut and run

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/i_want_hold_you_high_and_steal_your_pain.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/lyrics_poems_poetry_musics_songs_check_it_out_spicy_pork.mws Giantsfan080 2006-01-19T07:01:43-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/lyrics_poems_poetry_musics_songs_check_it_out_spicy_pork.mws here's another one. this one is called beautiful loser. She’s such a beautiful loser With this skin like silk this hair like lace Who knew there was such a twisted soul Behind that beautiful thin white face Such a beautiful loser she lies in bed and thinks of things to hate wishes there was a boy there for her today twists every word into a melodramatic fate those horoscopes are her gospel in life somedays nothing ever goes right so she sits there and and sighs wondering away looks in the mirror as if it will say your such a beautiful loser how come we didn’t see it at first she’s such a beautiful loser but her head’s about to burst who know that behind those clear blue eyes who knew someone that beautiful could have so much to hide she knows what the world thinks of her and her dreams she thinks that they pretend not to hear her screams nothing ever quite seems to work and all her boyfriends just end up being jerks all her friends just backstab her in the end everytime she crashes it just as she was about to mend such a beautiful loser with so much inside such a sad twisted soul with so much to hide this hair like lace and skin like silk such a beautiful loser she has no potential no credientials at all yet something about her gives her this air of tragic grace

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/lyrics_poems_poetry_musics_songs_check_it_out_spicy_pork.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/and_again.mws Giantsfan080 2006-01-19T07:01:21-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/and_again.mws Ok last one. I realize that i just posted these three songs in reverse order. so to see the first two just go and click all entries. And please do I want to know what people think of these. that would mean comment. thanks and enjoy. this one is tenatively titled "Love Song" but im open to new and better suggestions As we lay there im playing with your hair We’re both so lost in the thoughts inside our heads Neither one of us is aware of who else is in the bed Your thinking of whatever goes on in your mind I never could read you, you were always my mystery I need to spend an eternity just trying to believe That my existence to you might mean anything A little bit of truth a small piece of proof And im not ashamed to tell the truth that I need you ill be the first to admit that I do so I need you now tell me what I can do to really show you the truth inside the writngs not on the wall its all in my mind so I need you im not ashamed to tell the truth that I need you here we go again round the same way the same way it seems we’ve traveled before i wont deny anything just try and believe so all I ask of you is that you help me please show me that you need me just like I need you the air I breathe is filled with that fragrance of your skin its leading me teasing me all the way to you yet when im there I still feel as if my standing alone that I need you ill be the first to admit that I do so I need you now tell me what I can do to really show you the truth inside the writngs not on the wall its all in my mind so I need you im not ashamed to tell the truth that I need you why didn’t I tell you before why didn’t I take that first step why didn’t I just let it all go how come I hold everything inside im not perfect and I never claimed to be sometimes I act it but hey baby that’s just me i don’t try to run your life or keep pushing you away but I guess sometimes it seems like that some days im stumbling crumbling under the weight of all of this these lies these secrets these thoughts these dreams these nightmares and everything inside now tell me tell me what would you have me do how can I somehow get all of this across to you ill put my pen to this paper and write a song for you this song is dedicated to the lady who drives me so damn crazy so tantalizing yet so suprising in all that you do your distant passion must be a reaction to something that I do now if I can figure you out ill win this bout and we can go down swinging in the night cuz ill be alrite looking so perfect in everyway everyday i don’t think you realize how beautiful you are am I just another arm fixture for your next picture tell me what am I suppose to think of you when I see you with him I just gotta flip out sometimes it slips out of what I really wanna do so im overprotective when life just gets hectic yet your so erotic so damn exotic the best damn thing I ever had sending me to hell i cant think of any other way to suffer and show my love for you

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/and_again.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=272 Giantsfan080 2006-01-21T04:01:01-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=272 first day of work at RJ. word of advice. stay in school kids. don't spend your life washing dishes cuz it blows

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/272 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=273 Giantsfan080 2006-01-22T06:01:20-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=273 ahha denver lost. suckers. im telling you im starting to think its pittsburgh's year. they have it all. that being said i honestly don't really give a damn about any of the teams left but if i had to pick one id go with pittsburgh

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/273 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/let_me_ask_you_a_question.mws Giantsfan080 2006-01-24T03:01:33-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/let_me_ask_you_a_question.mws i hate customer serivce reps. i got a letter today from SUNY Oneonta and the Sallie Mae lending organization telling me i owe them 5000 dollars in student loans. one slight little problem. i dont fucking go to SUNY Oneonta. So i spent 30mins on the phone dealing with people who either didn't speak english or put me on hold for the hell of it. ugh. and then i had to argue my position on stem cell research, gay marriage, and fertilization labs. i need a nap

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/let_me_ask_you_a_question.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/a_better_version_of_me.mws Giantsfan080 2006-01-26T02:01:31-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/a_better_version_of_me.mws its absolutely freezing out. i think its about 8 degrees out. yet still ill be going running. I skipped Child Development today. I was just so tired and really needed a shower and a nap. Last night I pulled another prank on Rich and Nick. Rich was shaving in the bathroom and i took a bucket of cold water and dumped it all over him. I haven't heard anyone scream like that in awhile. So then he chased me down the hall wearing only his soaked boxers haha i had a good time. but after that i couldnt' fall asleep forever and a day. alrite time to go finish boy meets world and then off for a run. peace

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/a_better_version_of_me.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/its_been_awhile_since_i_said_i_was_ok.mws Giantsfan080 2006-01-28T12:01:08-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/its_been_awhile_since_i_said_i_was_ok.mws tonight was disappointing to say the least. went out to Omega and it was crowded. i had been drinking since 5pm so i had been feeling pretty good. but i played 6 cup and got sick from being so full. not fun. then we started up to Phigs and its about a mile and a half walk. not fun. but i ended up stopping at this sorority and that wasn't any good. went back to the dorm and the people i was with were just drunk and annoying. so i left the noise and just came back to the room. i think ill be up for awhile tonite. i feel restless inside. like yesterday i felt really good. i felt good to be alive i was appreciating everything i had. and right now i just feel out of the loop with everyone. so il probably stay up and write a little then pass out and go to work. peace

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/its_been_awhile_since_i_said_i_was_ok.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=277 Giantsfan080 2006-01-28T10:01:12-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=277 fuck work. thats all i got today. fuck work

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/277 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=278 Giantsfan080 2006-01-30T01:01:03-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=278 i have a deep hatred for the spanish language as of now. damnit

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/278 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=279 Giantsfan080 2006-01-30T11:01:09-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=279 i had something to say. I really did. But I'm watching Fight Club and I just lost all sense of what I wanted to say. Ah well. maybe later I'll post some stuff I wrote the other nite after the party. This is all for now

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/279 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=281 Giantsfan080 2006-01-31T10:01:20-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=281 It's almost 11 at night. I haven't done my homework, I haven't studied. I haven't done jackshit and I don't feel like it. fuck this ill still be up all night thought.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/281 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=282 Giantsfan080 2006-02-01T03:02:38-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=282 I feel so tired today. Not sure why but i guess i just need more sleep. It hasn't been easy getting sleep this week though. Between 1 am fire alarms, my roomate hooking up w/ a girl at 3am on a monday nite and all the work ive haven't done its been a few rough nites. that and the fact that I haven't been able to see Jess for more than 2 weeks now. im having fun here but going from seeing her every other day or so to not at all isn't easy. i just need to take a really long nap i think

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/282 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=283 Giantsfan080 2006-02-01T09:02:00-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=283 ill break right through the irony i swear to your god this is not just another forgery stream of conciousness flow from my split personality i cant see a thing with you in my face i can't feel a thing with you smothering me but nothing matter there's nothin to see

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/283 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/seems_i_cant_get_a_break_lately.mws Giantsfan080 2006-02-03T03:02:14-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/seems_i_cant_get_a_break_lately.mws Last night was just not a good night. We were hanging out in our room and about 130 some of the girls on my floor come in because they just came back from a party and wanted to party more with us. But we didn't have any alcohol and we were both about to go to bed. They stayed a little bit and then we get a knock on the door from the RA on duty saying we were being loud and we had to stop. then he decides he wants to come in and search our room. still not sure what his reasoning behind this was. but anyway he come in and finds one empty beer can and a half empty container of Crown Royal that matt had. So he gets all mad at us and writes all of us up. So then he goes on lecturing and then he says " i shouldn't have to do this" and then he says something along the lines of "im doing this so they'll ask me back next year" i was like are you kidding me? your going around to room and if anyone is up your knocking on doors and searching them? bullshit. so i go off to the lounge to cool down because i can't get in anymore trouble here. As i walk in I flip a chair over and he hears it and comes in and says its quiet hours and you can't be making noise like this, i dont want to deal with this so if you do that again ill call the cops. I was blown away. i mean honestly i hadn't done anything to deserve getting arrested. so i flip over another chair and told him to leave. so he goes you know what fine you want to be like that then im calling the cops. so he goes to call the cops and my roomate comes in and goes yo you gotta apologize or your gettin the cops up here. so i went to the RA and apologize. not once, not twice....5 times. everytime he was like no thats not what i want to hear. it was just so frustrating and humiliating. i was pissed off to say the least. still am actually

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/seems_i_cant_get_a_break_lately.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=286 Giantsfan080 2006-02-04T03:02:02-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=286 ha i got out of work on time today. amazingly i don't have a hangover today. matt's not so lucky he's dead on his bed. last nite was just fucking wild. the four of us went to an informal rush at Sig Nu and it was pretty cool. they didn't have the jello wrestling they had advertised so that was a slight let down but oh well. they did have an amazing ice luge and that was my downfall. i think we did it 8 or 9 times. they had everything..peppermint schnapps, vodka, punch, beer, green apple rum, coke and rum. so it wasn't that hard to get utterly ridiculous. then we went to the Pigs house and had a few more drinks and matt started talking to the Pigs and told them that me and him were interested in pledging there. all bullshit but i dont care cuz it got us into the bar as over 21. The Pigs are bouncers sometimes at the bar so if they know you they'll let you in. the bar was crazy. that part of the night is hazy but we made it back around 2ish and then crashed. all in all a damn good nite. least i didnt get the cops called on me like i almost did the night before

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/286 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/super_bowl_and_other_randomness.mws Giantsfan080 2006-02-06T12:02:25-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/super_bowl_and_other_randomness.mws I wasn't that impressed with the game last night. At least on the Seahawks end. After the first quarter they simply were not able to get anything going and the Steelers made just the amount of great plays that they needed to. They're not the most exciting team but they were the most all around solid team. The refs did make one or two questionable calls including offensive pass interference in the end zone but for the most part it was a very fairly called game. The commericals were ok i guess. My personal favorite was the Fed Ex commerical with the caveman kicking the dinosaur. I got a laugh out of that. The diet pepsi commericals were pretty good but if I I didn't bother with half time show. The Rolling Stones are just not my thing and they should be back in they're rocking chairs I think. on another note i just got my first phone bill. shit lol good thing i got a job this semester

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/super_bowl_and_other_randomness.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=288 Giantsfan080 2006-02-06T07:02:08-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=288 boondock saints is quite possibly one of the best movies ever. just thought you all should know

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/288 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=289 Giantsfan080 2006-02-07T10:02:54-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=289 watched american idol tonite. saw some of the biggest losers ever. my personal favorites for people who should be shot: the clay aiken look alike (clay should be shot too) the idiot who dressed up in wierd silver battle armor, the kid who tried to sing cher, and the immigrant who started stripping. i felt sorry for the judges for having to watch that crap.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/289 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/slow_day.mws Giantsfan080 2006-02-08T12:02:24-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/slow_day.mws huh kind of a slow day on mindsay. but then its a slow day here too i guess. took two tests and i think i did pretty decent on both for not studying a whole lot. that will have to change for tomorrow's anthro test. that is going to be a bitch. he lectures straight through the class, there's no textbook only a novel he assigns every few weeks. kinda of a bitch for a 101 class

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/slow_day.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=291 Giantsfan080 2006-02-09T11:02:15-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=291 yea updating for real this time. not that i can really think of anything to say but im sure something will come to me. im really sore. something about today's run and workout hurt. ah well. so today was a good day when i woke up. then i go to theatre. forgot to do my paper for that class. damn. then i went to anthro and just absolutely aced that test. so i was feelin pretty good and then i went to child development psych. oops we had an exam in there that i totally forgot about. so yea that was probably the worst test of the year for me. ouch indeed. went to the gym and then came back and did some spanish homework. im really really starting to develop a love/hate relationship with spanish. i love the language but damnit i don't understand parts of it. ive decided on a new prank for the kids down the hall that we've been pranking. i think we're going to just take everything we can out of the room and scatter it around the hall. it should be fun. the only problem is getting them out of the room long enough to do that. i haven't been writing lately. lack of inspiration i guess. which in a way is a good thing because my best writing was whenever i was going through a rough spot or just had alot of shit built up inside that i couldn't get out. but right now everything is going pretty damn good i must say. i talked to ethan the other day and he wanted to stay the night at my house over break before he went back. he's been going through this whole thing with his parents and they didn't want him to come home over spring break so he was staying with his gf at her dorm. when she goes home though he can't stay there so i told him he could stay at my house i mean the kid is my best friend so i figured why not. but my parents decided to be assholes and say that he couldn't because they didn't want to get between him and his parents. w/e thats bullshit. anyway i guess nothing did come to me tonight. oh well lol. off to bed or just go off and causing trouble.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/291 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/fema_hearings.mws Giantsfan080 2006-02-10T11:02:08-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/fema_hearings.mws ive been watching the micheal brown hearings. That man is getting ripped apart. I guess in a way its rightly deserved due to the way that he just screwed up royally. In his defense however the man simply was not qualified to handle the office for which he was appointed to. He had no prior experience in disaster relief or preparation. Also I don't think anyone really knew how bad the hurricanes would destroy New Orleans. This was the first disaster of its kind and of course FEMA and the government on all levels, federal, state and local, failed miserably. On the other hand there were people on the ground who knew what was going on and just how bad it was. Still that is no reason to make Micheal Brown or President Bush a scapegoat on this issue. There are so many different things that came together to screw this up. In the end I bet that the committee will still lay blame on Micheal Brown and his lack of leadership, and also on the beauracracy in FEMA.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/fema_hearings.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=293 Giantsfan080 2006-02-11T08:02:53-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=293 hangover really suck when you get them at 330 in the afternoon. they hurt more but they're shorter. i guess thats the tradeoff

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/293 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=294 Giantsfan080 2006-02-12T03:02:33-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=294 tonite was in a word..ridiculous. i can't even describe what happened im so incredibly pissed. its 330 and i want to sleep. but i cant

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/294 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/get_up_get_up_get_down_with_the_sickness.mws Giantsfan080 2006-02-13T10:02:39-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/get_up_get_up_get_down_with_the_sickness.mws Im sick. and I hate being sick. I really need to get back on track for my plan if Im going to be back in shape for my race in May. I haven't been running or lifting nearly as much as I should. I really lack self motivation sometimes and I can find a reason to delay it or not run at all. I think I need a constant running partner to help me get my ass out the door. Last night I went to interview with the PIGS. It was a pretty good time. I had to finish an entire handle of peppermint schnapps before they would let me interview and I had a few beers in between there. It didn't hit me that hard thought because schnapps is so damn low its like drinking candy. The PIGS are cool guys but a little big of a skeevy rep and they drink way too much even for me...yes i know thats saying alot...so when they told me i was in I had to say I wasn't interested anymore. Not that i was in the first place. I just wanted to get into the bar as over 21. Anyway I got a long day ahead of me with all the work i have to do. peace

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/get_up_get_up_get_down_with_the_sickness.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/silence_in_black_and_white.mws Giantsfan080 2006-02-14T05:02:19-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/silence_in_black_and_white.mws I may have just done one of the stupidest things possible. I was running on this country road and on either side of me there was a field with a irragation ditch. The ditches were frozen over and I was throwing rocks at the ice as I ran trying to break it. It was just something to do to keep me from getting too bored on my run. The ice didn't break so I decided to see if it was strong enough for me to step on. The minute I step on the thickest part of the ice I sink in to the knee in muddy cold water. whoops. So then I had to run 2 miles back with a soaking wet leg in 35 degree weather. Not my brightest moment I must say lol. Oh well. The last few day's I've been struggling with the desicion to join this organiztion at school called the Orange Knights. Their nickname is PIGS. They're not Greek or even recognized by the school. Mostly from what I can tell their main existence is drinking and being bouncers at the bars. They don't exactly have a sterling repuation. They're seen as wild partiers who like to push it to the limit and aren't afraid to get a little rough. Other than that though I haven't seen anything wrong with them. I've heard rumors of them putting rufies in the punch but I think that's bullshit. Its from girls who can't control how much they drink and then go home and pass out and don't remember that night. They are kinda a bunch of meatheads but if me and my roomate Matt join I think we could overturn that rep and get some really good kids into it. They're all very cool guys when I talked to them they're only major vice is partying way too hard. They have mandatory library hours during orientation and all that crap. They said they all have 3.0 or higher but I think its cuz they take bullshit classes. My main concern would be my drinking. I like to drink. alot. I have fun and it just makes me loosen up and open up to social situations. normally I'm a quiet kid until I'm comfortable in a situation. When I drink thought I talk my ass off and make friends much easier. I don't get hangover's easily either which means I can drink alot often. However both of my grandfathers had drinking problems and my mom's dad died of liver disease. He brought up 8 kids though so I'll give him a break on that one. Both my parents drink too so I do have the Irish genes to hold my alcohol. I've only been drinking since halfway through my senior year in high school and even then it was only every few weekends. Then I came to Geneseo and found out I could hold my own against kids who were alot bigger and had been drinking alot longer. If I joined PIGS there is a distinct possiblity of me developing a serious drinking problem. Plus there's Jess. Orientation will last 5-6 weeks and I dont know how often I'll be out having to drink and do whatever other crap they force us to do. I know she's not a huge fan of my drinking but I think she deals with it as long as I keep it under control which I have so far. So yea I have alot of thinking to do and not alot of time to do it. Orientation begins thursday at 9. No idea what im going to do

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/silence_in_black_and_white.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=297 Giantsfan080 2006-02-15T02:02:19-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=297 its a really really nice day out. kinda puts everyone in a better mood. i can get used to this type of winter. it might even be a shorts day for my run

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/297 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/survey_stolen_from_kt.mws Giantsfan080 2006-02-17T12:02:40-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/survey_stolen_from_kt.mws Who is the most influential person in your life and why? I'd say either my grandmother or my best friend Ethan. My grandmother raised 8 kids and still had the energy to raise her own grandkids, she taught me alot. Ethan has always been the one person i've always trusted with my life. What is something you've always disliked about yourself that you find yourself liking: The fact that I'm quiet in a social situation until im comfortable with it. If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be? I don't think there is anything I would change. I've made quite a few mistakes but they've helped me to become the person I am today. So I don't like that I did them. But I wouldn't change them. What is the most important thing in your life right now? I'd say the fact that I've made it to college and maybe now I'll figure out what I'm going to do with my life and what it all means. And of course Jess. She keeps me sane somedays. What has been the most significant change in your life over the last year? I think over the last year that I have grown alot and I've learned more about people than I thought possible. I would have to say the most significant change over the past year has been a growth in believing in myself and my ability to read others. What are your greatest fears? Dying. What is the best and worst thing about your mother? The best thing about my mother is that she loves me to death and would do anything to protect me. The worst thing is easily the nagging and how much she gets on my nerves. What is the best and worst thing about your father? The best thing about my father is that he has always pushed me to better myself. The worst thing is that he has pushed me to better myself. If you could pass on one lesson to your future children, what would it be? Don't be scared. at all. about anything or anyone. When you are young you are invincible and you can bounce back from anything. Try everything. What is the household chore you despise the most? Cleaning bathrooms I hate cleaning bathrooms If you could spend your entire life doing one job, what would it be? Blogging wouldn't be bad. But id like to be a world class track runner. I think that would be amazing What is something you've always wanted to try, but never have? mountain climbing. someday i will i know What cause are you most passionate about and why? As of now I don't think I have a cause. I'm passionate about running and about making something of myself but really thats it. and even those Im not all that passionate about. If you were on death row, what would be your final meal? macaroni and cheese. has to be veelveta cheese. a dozen chicken wings. spaghetti and meatballs. choclate cake. a milkshake from the cafe in hammondsport. If you were trapped on a desert island, what one thing would you bring? A boat. duh Name your greatest loves in life. Writing, Running, My friends, Music What is the most important quality in a friendship? Loyalty and openess. Thats really all I ask. I just ask my friends to be there when I need them and to tell me when I'm being an idiot. Also tell me when they're having problems so I can help. What is the most difficult situation you've overcome in your life? I would so far I have been amazingly lucky and not had anything amazingly difficult. I would have to say for me that it would be transfering to a school where I knew one person and making new friends and fitting in. I was and still kinda am shy. If you could change one thing about your body, what would it be? I'd be an inch or two taller. Other than that I have no problem with my body. If you could change one thing about your personality, what would it be? I wouldn't be an asshole as much as I am sometimes. Or I wouldn't have been so shy when I was younger. Who in life has shown you the most love? My mom and my friend ethan. Who in life has shown you the most respect? The people who's respect I've earned. Who in life do you trust the most? Ethan. I can tell the kid anything and he would do anything for me. What's one fear you used to have and how did you overcome it? I used to be terrorfied of going into my garage at night. I had a bad experience in there when i was little. If you could travel anywhere in the world, everywhere If you could meet anyone, dead or alive, who would it be? I’d like to meet Jesus. cliche i know but I'd like to see what he thought of the christian religion What is the best movie ever made, in your eyes? Best movie would be Casablanca. not my fav but well made What is the best aspect of your personality? I enjoy listening to people and helping them with problems What is the worst aspect of your personality? I have a temper and I shut people out from time to time Describe your perfect wedding. no fucking clue If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be? Spain or Australia What is the most daring thing you've ever done? Climbing to the top of the tree in my front yard when i was 7. Its about 50 feet up at least What is the dumbest thing you've ever done? ha. What is your most embarrassing moment? getting stuck in a tree If you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life, it would be: I wouldn't. that would be incredible boring i need variety. Name a CD that you can listen to beginning to end without skipping a song. Leave a whisper by shinedown If you date one celebrity for a week, who would it be? Penelope Cruz or Angelina Your greatest dream in life: To achieve whatver I decide to do with my life If there is a genie in a bottle, your three wishes would be? (1) To fly. that would be amazing. (2) To stop time so you can hang on to those moments that last a second but should go on forever. (3) Be happy for the rest of my life What is the greatest gift life has given to you? Life itself is the greatest gift you can ever have. What is the hardest lesson you've ever had to learn? Sometimes you have to do what is right for you even when its not what you'd like to do What do you think is your greatest life achievement thus far? Being able to become my own person. What do you want to name your future children? My firstborn son will have my first name as is middle name. family tradition. thats all i know What is one thing that you know for sure? That whatever come at me in life I can beat it. Who are your life heroes? I dont think i have one In your eyes, what is the greatest invention ever created? pillows. who doesn't love their pillow Name three things in life that you could not live without. Friends, music, food What has been your most life-altering experience? Going to a Catholic school after 6 years of public school. Describe your perfect Saturday. Wake up not feeling tired go for a good run and then spend the day at the beach with some friends drink a little bit and just stay up all nite reminicsing. How do you vent negative emotions? I throw things or punch things If you could make something legal, what would it be? shooting stupid ppl If you could make something illegal, what would it be? fat people who say its not their fault their fat What annoys you the most about society? The uber political correctness and the way everyone manages to get offended by something these days In your eyes, what is the most important issue facing your age group today? Managing to maintain our own identity while accepting the burdens placed on us by previous generations. Who will you vote for in the next presidential election and why? I haven't decided yet because I don't know who's running. but i know it won't be hillary clinton. What is the most beautiful thing about our society? The way we manage to deal with everything in our own way Where is the most beautiful place in the world? The beach What is the best personality trait in a significant other? The ability to tell them anything no matter how bad. and loyalty What is the worst personality trait in a significant other? Dishonesty What is the best personality trait in a friend? sticking up for another friend What is the worst personality trait in a friend? being dishonest or just not having a personality period. What is the greatest lesson you've learned from a friend? I listen well and I stand up for my friends What is the greatest lesson you've learned from an enemy? never turn your back The most hurtful thing someone has ever done to you: not sure Are you a forgiving person? Why or why not? In some case yes but on the other hand i can hold a grudge for awhile. i think it depends on the situation. If you could spend the rest of your life with one person, who would it be? wouldn't you like to know Do you plan on voting the presidental election? Why or why not? Yes, because everyone should vote. otherwise you have no right ot bitch Do you believe in God? Why or why not? Yes because I've seen enough to tell me that there is a God out there. Do you believe in an afterlife of any sort? yea i think the afterlife is whatever you believe is the afterlife. so if you believe in heaven or hell you're judged by that. if you believe in nothing there is nothing. For you what's the most addicting show on television? I'll agree with kt.. law and order SVU Name one band/singer that you love that no one probably knows about? FiveStar Riot If you created your own radio station, what kind of music would it play? everything because thats what i listen to If a movie was made of your life, what would the title be? Stranger on the Inside If a movie was made of your life, who would play you? I doubt anyone could accurately play all my quirks and oddities but I wouldn't mind Tom Hanks If a movie of your life was made, who would play your best friend(s)? ha no idea If a movie was made of your life, who would play your love interest? angelina Name a band/singer who's music is literally the soundtrack to your life. There is no one band If you could have a superpower, what would it be? Flying Describe the ideal dinner. Steak, risotto, salad, mashed potatoes apple pie What's your favorite meal of the day? Breakfast. i love breakfast food How do you act when you are drunk? Im a crazy drunk. im usually pretty happy talkative and get in way too much trouble How do you act when you are sober? depends on my mood. How do you act when you are happy? happy? duh How do you act when you are sad? I withdraw from everyone and go out on my own How do you act when you are angry? ha you don't want to see that How do you act when you are afraid? i talk alot How do you act when you are stressed? I swear. alot What is your biggest vice in life? i have no idea. drinking? If you had to commit one of the seven deadly sins, which one would you do? Anger. What is the greatest feeling in the world? When I'm running alone on an empty dirt road just surrounded by the sky and its just me...only time when I'm ever really at peace with myself and the world What is the worst feeling in the world? Knowing that I've let someone down and hurt them What is your favorite thing to touch? marble What is your favorite way to be touched? I don't have a favorite way What is the best smell in the world? that smell it gets right before a thunderstorm What is the worst smell in the world? when the fringe on the rugs get caught in the vaacuum cleaner What is the best sound in the world? the sound of someone's voice who you've been waiting to hear a long long time What is the worst sound in the world? popping hips What is the worst vice someone can have? pride What is the worst fear in the world to have? Fear of everything. duh What is your favorite sensation? the feeling i get when im laying next to jess and everything just feels right What is your favorite thing to do to relax? When i get too caught up in things I go to a hill near my house and i sit there and just think things out Name the one law that you are worst at abiding by. drinking What is one thing you've done that you regret and wish you could change? I don't think I would change anything because it's made me who I am What is the worst thing you've done that you regret but wouldn't change? Refer to the above. What past event do you and your best friend still laugh about the most? Probably the fights when we were young. it was just a good time Describe your perfect evening with friends. Hanging out getting in to trouble is always good Describe your perfect evening with family. One night where we dont' fight. just one thats all. Describe your perfect romantic evening. Walking together holding hands and just talking about life or just anything that really comes to mind What things spell romance for you? r-o-m-a-n-c-e What are the most beautiful things in life to you? feeling free from the pressures of the world and being with people i want to spend time with What is the most important thing you want people to remember about you? I want to be remember as someone who truly cared for others, someone who was always there for them and who taught them something. Most of all I'd just like to be remembered.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/survey_stolen_from_kt.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=299 Giantsfan080 2006-02-18T04:02:38-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=299 I just cleaned my room. I'm rather proud of myself. I should go running but come on now that would just make me seem way too motivated. So we'll hold off on that until tomorrow. Tonight looks like it could be a shitty night. last nite we got some beer and sat aroudn watched alien and drank and then me and emily talked until around 330. I'm trying to find someone to work for me but I don't think that will happen. Oh yea and Jess is coming tomorrow. Which makes my week.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/299 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/the_radio_plays_what_they_want_you_to_hear.mws Giantsfan080 2006-02-18T10:02:54-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/the_radio_plays_what_they_want_you_to_hear.mws Slow night tonight. Not much going on in the way of partying. Ethan and Eric went to a house party up on North St. Me....I'm not in the mood for a party. That's not to say that I'm not drinking. oh no. I have my own bottle of Absolut so I'm good to go tonight. Tonight however I'm in one of those moods I get in. Not depressed because I've never been depressed and I don't get depressed. I'd say it was more of a rut. Things just happen that bring me down and I don't know what they are. It's hard to explain because I'm not sure how to say how I feel at the moment. I would say anti social would be the best word, but at the same time it would be nice to have someone here just to share my alcoholism with lol. But anyway I'll just watch a few movies and drink until I can't see and maybe finally get some writing done. I haven't written anything in awhile. Basically its a lack of inspiration. I don't really know what else to say except that tonight will be frustrating and I can't wait for tomorrow to see Jess. peace

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/the_radio_plays_what_they_want_you_to_hear.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=301 Giantsfan080 2006-02-21T11:02:51-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=301 The last few days have been great. I didn't realize how much I had missed her. It was so good to see her even if it was only for a few days. Kinda bumming though because she left today. 2 1/2 weeks till spring break. ugh. way way too long. right now im watching this thing on the trapped in the closet video by R. Kelly. what an untalented individual. it has no point lol. ah well off to bed. night

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/301 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=302 Giantsfan080 2006-02-23T05:02:46-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=302 i hate it when i have two tests in a row. tomorrow is going to be a bitch

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/302 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=303 Giantsfan080 2006-02-24T05:02:23-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=303 What a day. had two midterm/test thingys in political science and spanish. and they both sucked. In polisci the short answers were just random things. It was not a fun test. Spanish well lets just say that indirect pronouns are not my thing. Also today I found my friend jessie had to go to the hospital because she might have appendicitis. They're still not sure if she has it last i heard. so glad its the weekend. started it off the right way: a beer, a shot, and two magic brownies. damn good start

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/303 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=304 Giantsfan080 2006-02-27T10:02:43-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=304 we watched flavor of love last night of vh1. flava flav...what a character. i mean who the hell can walk around in a viking hat and a clock and still get laid? talked about civil liberties in poli sci today and we got into that whole cartoon thing. id post more about that but its been talked about so much that i doubt anyone cares anymore.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/304 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/fat_tuesday.mws Giantsfan080 2006-02-28T05:02:05-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/fat_tuesday.mws so here's what im giving up for lent: losing my temper-not making any guarantees but I'll do my best fighting-if i can handle the first one this one should follow beer-not totally giving this up. just cutting back and relying more on hard liquor. yea thats all i really got for now ill have more later tonight

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/fat_tuesday.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=306 Giantsfan080 2006-02-28T08:02:28-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=306 god i hate my job. i really really do. thats all. i have a long blog that ill put up later.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/306 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/i_cant_get_my_head_around_you.mws Giantsfan080 2006-02-28T11:02:45-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/i_cant_get_my_head_around_you.mws Last night we were sitting around just watching tv and relaxing and we started into one of those deep intimate talks that just seem to spontaneously spring up every once in awhile. Those hours long conversations on life, death and what you believe in, the universe and just a very introspective talk with each other. Somewhere along the line we got on to the topic of religion. Now here's the thing. There's four of us, all with slightly different beliefs and traditions. Ethan is asian and jewish however he's not really a practicing jew. Eric was raised Catholic but says he's an atheist. Matt was also raised Catholic but he's really ignorant about religion in general. And then there is me. I was raised Catholic and still identify myself as one. I went to a Catholic high school( not by choice) and probably know the most about the Christian faith than they do. But we just talked about God or if there was a God or gods or anything at all. So after this I just lay in bed trying to absorb all of this, trying to figure out what I believe. Alot of people when they find out that I went to a Catholic high school and still go to church occasionally automatically assume I'm a jesus freak or deeply religious. The reality is though that I'm really not. I don't have a defined set of beliefs and I don't blindly follow any religion. I don't force my beliefs on anyone else and let them believe whatever they please. Life has taught me to think for myself and to examine why I should or shouldn't believe something. Also it has taught me to recognize the difference between a reason or an excuse for why something is the way it is. So this is what I figured out. I believe in God. One God. Whether he's the Christian God, the Musliim Allah or the Jewish Yawheh (sp?) that doesn't really matter to me. Alot of people say that they need to proof to believe in God. Well in my opinion I'd rather have proof that he doesn't. A famous philosopher whose name I'm drawing a blank on right now devised a gamble about this. If you believe in God, live your life according to his teachings and die and there is a God you win. If not you still win because people will remember you as a good person. If you don't believe in God and you die and there is a God then you lose. If not then you draw. I've always found this a rather interesting idea. I believe in heaven and hell. I think that Heaven is whatever you make it out to be. So if you believe that its all clouds and white and angels with harps then thats what it will be for you if you go there. If you think Heaven will be one big rock concert then thats what it will be. I don't believe in everything the Catholic Church teaches. I don't agree with some of its teachings and it has been wrong before in the past so why should I take it at face value now? Reincartion in a wierd idea. It would be nice but something about it doesn't quite work for me. Maybe its just the tradition I was raised in. As for Judgement Day and all that I'm not sure and I don't really care. I figure I'll be long dead by then anyway so if the world goes to shit I wont care all that much.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/i_cant_get_my_head_around_you.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=308 Giantsfan080 2006-03-01T09:03:19-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=308 i was going to say something. i really had something to say. but i have no idea what it was

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/308 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/snowstorm.mws Giantsfan080 2006-03-02T02:03:33-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/snowstorm.mws Finally we're having an actual snowstorm. At least a snowstorm in the sense that I'm used to. Back home this would be an everyday thing. No big deal. Here people are freaking out because the snow is actually covering their ankles for once. All the Long Island kids are thinking its a blizzard and that class will be cancel. Ha yea right. Maybe we can get some snow football going later. Anyway off to do my work for the day. enjoy the weather

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/snowstorm.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=310 Giantsfan080 2006-03-03T11:03:41-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=310 Duke lost! no fucking way hahaha. that made my day. unfortunately Syracuse got its ass kicked. hardcore. which blows ass but it happens. i feel bad for gerry though. its his senior year and he's doing all the work

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/310 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=311 Giantsfan080 2006-03-06T03:03:21-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=311 this was a decent weekend. stayed in on friday and drank with the guys. i think i played kings down in emily and ey's room. not sure. saturday we all went out to sig nu and it was actually really good. got a bit packed at one point but no big deal. had a blast and got in free cuz of my shirt. it's a dark blue shirt and on the front it says: Define "Girlfriend".... Best part is my girlfriend gave it to me which i get a kick out of. The was the usual drama among the girls but i stayed out of it. sat in the study lounge and ate crackers with a few people then pretty much everyone ended up in there. Work sucked both days. now i have to study more for my psych test on tuesday.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/311 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=312 Giantsfan080 2006-03-06T06:03:46-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=312 Lately things have been odd. I haven't done the things I usually do. The thing is though it's not that I'm unhappy or don't like the way things have been going. On the contrary things are great. I love school, I'm having a great time with the people here and I have a wonderful girlfriend. Things have changed for me though. I don't write anymore like I used to anymore. I haven't written aything decent since December. Back in high school I would write almost every other day. Another wierd things is that I don't run nearly as much as I used to. I haven't run in over a week and a half which is unheard of for me. I just don't have the desire or motivation really anymore. Maybe it's just hard for me to get outside these days because its crappy out. who knows. Hopefully I'll be able to get a few good runs in next week at home.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/312 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=313 Giantsfan080 2006-03-07T03:03:29-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=313 Today was just another one of those days. Woke up in a bad mood. Im not a morning person, I don't usually say anything until at least an hour after I wake up just because I don't feel any need to talk. For some reason I expect the same of others. Eric comes in before I'm even out of bed and starts talking and shit. I just want to tell him to shut the fuck up. So I go to theater and it sucked ass as always. It's just so damn pointless. Went to breakfast and then to anthro. Got a 74 on my test. Fuck again. Next I have child development psychology where I have to take a test I studied for all weekend. Got fucked on that too. So by now I'm in the mood to punch a few walls. Then I went to this discussion on the war in Iraq. It was pretty intereseting at first but then we got on the topic of 9/11 and this one professor starts going off on how it was a conspiracy and spouting off all this evidence. I'm not even going to go into that. But yea today blows ass.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/313 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/why_i_hate_medicine.mws Giantsfan080 2006-03-08T12:03:38-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/why_i_hate_medicine.mws Here's the list of possible side effects the meds they gave me at the health center yesterday: Erythromycin: Severe stomach pain, dark urine, light bowel movement, hearing problems, weakness, yellowish skin or eyes, diarrhea, sore mouth, nausea, vomiting stomach cramps or upset Albuterol Inhaler: difficulty breathing (i thought inhalers were supposed to prevent that) dizziness, chest pain, increased heart beat, severe headache, numbness in fingers and toes, skin rash or hives, swelling of the face, vomiting Guaifenesin with Pseudoephedrine: Nausea, stomach upset, loss of appetite, nervousness ( maybe because off all these damn side effects) dizziness, chest pain, anxiety, fear, difficulty urinating, difficulty sleeping. Guaifenesin with Dextromethorphan: headache dizziness, loss of appetite, nausea, vomiting, skin rash, trouble breathing And here's the kicker: They didn't bother telling me what I have. Just gave me meds for all my symptoms and hope that it cures it. Fun times.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/why_i_hate_medicine.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/whoa.mws Giantsfan080 2006-03-08T02:03:09-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/whoa.mws HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!! Gerry MacNamarra is a comeback god. And Syracuse rocks. And that made my day

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/whoa.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/abortion_law.mws Giantsfan080 2006-03-08T07:03:00-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/abortion_law.mws Yesterday South Dakota signed a law outlawing almost all types of abortions. The only way it is legalized is if the mother's life is in danger. So on campus today they had a "Day of Solidarity" to protest the law. Those members of the protest all wore red and met at a certain time to march around campus handing out fliers. Most people ignored them I think. To me abortion is probably one of the touchest topics today. No one wants to go near it but everyone wants it to be a certain way. I'm not sure what mainstream America wants because all I ever hear is the radicals on both sides. I've listened to numerous arguements for and against it and I still am undecided personally. Me personally I don't think it's right. There are just other options and you have to think about the consequences when you have sex. However I do see why someone would have one and I respect their belief for it. I don't think this law will cause Roe to be overturned. Not yet. It wouldn't suprise me though if it is very soon. As of now there are at least 3 certain yes votes on the Court to overturn it and maybe one or two others if provisions were made to account for rape and incest victims. The only thing I can think of is if my girlfriend had to make a choice....where would I stand?

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/abortion_law.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=317 Giantsfan080 2006-03-19T05:03:20-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=317 Finally back at school. and back on the internet. Thats why I haven't been on in so long is because the internet at my house doesn't work. stupid gay internet. break was pretty good though. woke up late everyday. went to the couch and watched tv till about 3 then went to jess's house. that pretty much described my day everyday. three weeks till i see her again though. which sucks. alot. anyway gotta finish unpacking.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/317 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=318 Giantsfan080 2006-03-19T10:03:31-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=318 If you think about...life is really really fragile. All it takes is one second for someone to be there..and then not. Just a random thought that ran through my head today.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/318 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/honestly_why.mws Giantsfan080 2006-03-21T02:03:10-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/honestly_why.mws Im not sure where this post is going to go so bear with me. Today I learned that this girl I went to high school with tried to commit suicide over the weekend for the 5th time. That's right she has tried 5 times to kill herself. A few minutes ago I read about what happened with the girl on here; and the thing is I don't understand it. At all. Not one bit. I can't see why this would happen. Maybe I don't have a good point of view. I have had my bad periods where the world seemed like one big ball of shit and there wasn't much of a future for me. During all that time though suicide never occured to me as a solution. Maybe I haven't gone through shit that they went through. I don't know because I don't know their personal experience and if they had the abilities to cope. I think a big part of this is having people there to help you cope. Some battles are too big to take on alone no matter how strong or resilient you are. One man can not move a mountain. But what I really don't understand and makes me so frustrated that these things happen is that I wonder...where were the friends during these girls' time of need?? You always hear your friends say that they care about you and that they would do anything for you and they'll always be there for you. Well guess what? you weren't there for these girls. Why wasn't someone there to pull them away from the edge? Thats what really gets to me and bugs me that there should have been someone there to hold your hand and say no this isn't the way. I know that some depressions are chemical inbalance or genetic and that they are extremely hard to deal with. But still....it just mystifies me and pisses me off when people see this as a way to solve everything. I just want to know why. Thats my big question for the day. Why?

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/honestly_why.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/a.mws Giantsfan080 2006-03-22T06:03:48-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/a.mws

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/a.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/question_of_the_day.mws Giantsfan080 2006-03-22T07:03:41-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/question_of_the_day.mws Everyone knows how important relationships are to human beings. I'm not just talking about sexual relationships but all types..friendships, parent/child, boss/ employee and so on. Well today I came across a question that intrigued me. One of the greatest unanswered of the ages is "What is the meaning of life?" From my point of view this is a mostly pointless question. No one is wise enough and experienced enough to ever give a half satisfactory answer to that question. Most people find meaning in their own ways. I don't think there is a universal answer. My question is how do relationships relate to the meaning of life? Just how important are they to survival and happiness? Why do we crave to have relationships and stay in ones that are obvious broken and detrimental to us? I'll have my thoughts on this up tomorrow but right now I'm wondering what everyone else thinks of this. Feel free to answer

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/question_of_the_day.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/question_of_the_day_part_2.mws Giantsfan080 2006-03-23T05:03:33-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/question_of_the_day_part_2.mws So here's my take on the importance of relationships to the meaning of life. Everyone has their own definition and view on the meaning of life. In my mind relationships are the most important aspect of our lives and are critical to survival. Think about it, from the moment we are born to the day we die our lives revolve around our relationships with others. From first sight attatchment we can infer that we are wired within our brains to form relationships to survive. Without solid, stable relationships of some type we have no reason to live. Look at children who grow up in orphanages or are isolated from birth. Many of these children grow up emotionally stunted and their development is often severly retarded, especially in cases of isolation. They had no primary care giver to show them attention that they needed to develop normally and form normal relationships. The way I see it there are 6 main categories of relationships in life that differ in vary degrees according to importance, length and circumstances. The first one is that with a primary caregiver. This is the basis to which all future relationships will be based on. If it is sufficently stable and loving then you progress to the next level of relationships normally. The other stages in somewhat chronological order are you/siblings, you/ same sex peer, you/ opposite sex peer, you/ general authority figures (teachers, coaches, and bosses.) and then the cycle continues with the next generation if and when you have children. A failure in any one part will lead to problems in the others. The more unstable and destructive the early relationships are the worse the future ones may turn out to be. Nothing is guaranteed of course but the chances are greatly increased. For overall healthy relationships, early stable, solid, and healthy relationships are key. So now we have these relationships. Now what do they have to do with life? A key cause and link of genetic or chronic depression and anxiety and other disorders is a lack of healthy relationships. Isolated children will fail to develop fully, abused children often grow up to be abusers themselves whether its drugs, alcohol or their own children. Or they stay in abusive and unhealthy relationships all their lives. These lack of relationships seem to lead to a general feeling of despair and darker outlook on life. The point I'm trying to make without writing a book is that when you looking for the cause of suicide attempts or chronic depression...examine the relationships that person had and see how far back they have a history of poor relationships and personal coping skills. Find the weakness in the chain. Today it's very trendy to say that chemical imbalances in the brain are the cause of disorders. I see it more as a lifetime of unhealthy relationships with important key figures in a person's life that causes these. I'd like to know what everyone thinks on this so please feel free to comment.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/question_of_the_day_part_2.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=323 Giantsfan080 2006-03-26T05:03:21-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=323 So George Mason upset UConn..that made my day. other than that today has just been slow

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/323 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=324 Giantsfan080 2006-03-26T10:03:37-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=324 I love living with potheads/stoners. They do the stupidest things. It just makes life interesting.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/324 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/one_last_time.mws Giantsfan080 2006-03-27T08:03:44-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/one_last_time.mws Ok here's one more song I've written. It will probably be the last one for awhile. Feel free to let me know what you think. Sitting down to write another letter Fuck another letter I know So here here is your letter from me to you Here ya go heres your letter your letter of apology So please take this letter of apology on olive branch to you from me Fuck I did it again I know But those can't all be my problems I'm losing myself in stumbling apologies It's the same old thing all over again A new name on the letter but the same apology More time has past but some shit always lasts Im still fucking up and begging for forgiveness Am I cursed to repeat every mistake Is this how I can fix our problems You seem to have all the answers I know But this is how I fix my problems So please take this letter of apology on olive branch to you from me Fuck I did it again I know But those can't all be my problems I'm losing myself in stumbling apologies Guess what you know I think I quit I quit always saying sorry for being me Fuck won't you just let it go You won't really change me I know So where the hell is my stupid fucking letter Where's my letter of apology My goddamn letter from you to me

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/one_last_time.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/illegal_immigration_bill.mws Giantsfan080 2006-03-27T12:03:45-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/illegal_immigration_bill.mws I've been keeping tabs on the developments in the controversy on illegal immigration bill. It's interesting to watch them just talk in circles and not get anything done. I'll share more of my opinions on this later

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/illegal_immigration_bill.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=327 Giantsfan080 2006-03-28T01:03:19-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=327 Damn it I missed another psych experiment. Ugh I hate it when I forget things. Apparently I still have a job even though I didn't show up on sunday at all. I honestly just don't feel like working there anymore. I'm looking forward to my summer jobs. I'll either be working for the highway dept, the state fair or a construction company. Either way I'll make good money and some connections. As always there's the old fall back of McDonalds. I'm thinking of working there on weekends anyway just so I can stay on the payroll until Christmas break. I'm not sure if I could handle working everyday of the week but I'm sure I could handle it for awhile. I can't wait till summer period. Between work, seeing Jess all the time and running around with Ethan and some other kids it should be a good time. At the same time I don't want freshman year to be over. It's been alot of fun and next year I'll have to declare a major and all that crap and start looking to the future. Basically all the things I don't want to do. I'm thinking of doing a double major. It will be either Psychology and Political Science or Psych and History or Political Science and History. Basically those are the only classes I'm interested in. I have no idea what I want to do with my life or anything like that. If it comes down to it I could always just teach but I don't really feel like doing that. Or be a cop which I can't see myself as either but I could defineately get a job at the Solvay Police Dept. I think maybe I'd like to go into politics but I can't figure out what path I have to take to get started. Ah well we'll see. Right now I'd just like to enjoy the rest of my freshman year of college and then this summer. I'll worry about everything else later. alot later.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/327 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/illegal_immigration_bill_part_2.mws Giantsfan080 2006-03-28T02:03:30-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/illegal_immigration_bill_part_2.mws After reading over the NYT article on the debate over illegal immigration and the bill passed yesterday by the Senate Judiciary Committee I've decided that all Congress is interested in doing is attempting to satisfy everyone and is pleasing no one. The new bill is so full of holes, honestly it's just a weak bill that's easy to get around. Personally I don't want illegal immigrants here. I can understand wanting to come here for better opportunities and a better life but do it like everyone else did. Become a citizen, learn English. I don't want more gang members in my country, I don't want more drugs in my country. And I'm not saying that all illegal immigrants are hardcore gang members and drug addicts, but I will say that the majority of new gang members and drug runners are. Thats why I'd like stricter borders and background checks to any one who comes in this country. The new bill, which hasn't gone to the full Senate yet, calls for a temporary worker program in which a worker has to work here 6 years to get their green card and during that time learn English, pay fines and back taxes. They will be allowing 400,000 workers per year into the United States. However during this time employers (read big business) can apply for permanent residence status for their workers after 6 months. The illegal immigrants have to do the same thing for 6 years to achieve permanent residency status and then can apply for citizenship 5 years after that. My questions are exactly how are you going to keep tabs on these people and kick them out if they screw up? Where are these people going to get the money to pay all these back taxes and fines? What are you going to do with the kids who emigrated illegally? Make them work too? How big of a beauracracy are you going to need to create to keep tabs on all these people? This plan is doomed to fail simply is an attempt to please big business, the church and all the protesters who came out of the woodwork to protest the other day. Put up a fence, legalize the ones who are here, put them on the path to citizenship if they pass a background check and throw the rest out. This plan is simply too complicated to succeed I think

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/illegal_immigration_bill_part_2.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/rant.mws Giantsfan080 2006-03-28T11:03:28-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/rant.mws You know what really really pisses me off? When people take my stuff out of the washing/drying machine and its still wet and leave it out. When ignorant people talk When I can't sleep When I can't see Jess when I want When people tell me how to live my life thats the rant for the night..im going to try and sleep again

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/rant.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=330 Giantsfan080 2006-03-30T02:03:13-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=330 Stupid Spanish professor won't return my emails so I don't know what to do for this project..stupid bitch

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/330 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=331 Giantsfan080 2006-03-31T12:03:31-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=331 Wow. It's really nice. It kinda reminds me of those last few days in June of school when you were a little kid. When you realized that you were getting out at 12 and you had the whole summer in front of you to do whatever you want. You could spend all day doing whatever you wanted. Then I look at the calender and realize it's still March. Oh well maybe that's a good sign. Either way today is going to be fun

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/331 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/stupid_daylight_savings_time.mws Giantsfan080 2006-04-02T09:04:42-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/stupid_daylight_savings_time.mws Daylight savings time screwed me over. I was supposed to be in to work at 1130 this morning but I forgot to set my clock last night so I woke up and I had already showered by the time I realized that I was supposed to be into work a half hour ago. Oops. This is after I had skipped last Sunday. So I go down there and they had already called someone in to take my spot. So I basically got the day off. Good thing because it was beautiful out. So we just stayed outside all day and played bocce and frisbee. Good times. Oh and then I had to do my spanish homework. Fuck spanish. This week is going to make or break my semester. I have a theatre paper due and 4 midterms on Thursday and Friday. Ugh alot of work. I'll be living in the study lounge. Jess is coming down this weekend though so thats one bright spot. Last night was insane. I can out drink all of my friends so I decided to see how bad I could get them. So when we got to the party I kept calling for chugging contests and crap. Eric puked before he got home and in the bathroom back here. Matt hasn't been able to function all day with his hangover. And Ethan puked in his bed. Me..I'm fine. No puking no hangover no nothin. It's fun being Irish I must say. The first party was pretty good. They had a fire going in a trash can outside so we hung around out there. The second party I got in for free. It was pretty good. On the way back I guess I punched in two windows though. Not good. But I had a good night and I didn't get written up. Which is always a good thing.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/stupid_daylight_savings_time.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=333 Giantsfan080 2006-04-03T01:04:45-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=333 You know what I like about bands like Breaking Benjamin or Disturbed? You can listen to them and just get lost in the noise and let it drown everything out Or You can listen to the lyrics and music and realize that there is alot more there than just noise but tonight its all about the noise

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/333 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/this_is_my_study_break.mws Giantsfan080 2006-04-03T03:04:18-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/this_is_my_study_break.mws This week is going to suck big time. I pretty much will be living in the study room all week. damn tests. stupid papers. stupid people too. has anyone ever seen clockwork orange? what a wierd wierd movie. eric was watching it last nite and i wanted to punch him in the face because he wouldn't admit that it was wierd. He was going on about how good the director was. And then Heather calls me strung out on coke wanting my advice on what she should do about her ex. I hung up and said my phone died. And Jess called and she was in a bad mood I can't get mad at her for it, she had a crappy day and there was nothing I could do. That's what got to me I think was that I was here and she was there and I couldn't do anything to make her feel better. It's bad because we both have a short temper and when we're pissed off we kinda snap a lil at each other and piss the other person off. I don't lose my temper with her as nearly as much as I do with other people. Alrite no more study breaks. Time to go do more work.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/this_is_my_study_break.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/how_does_it_get_this_cold_this_fast.mws Giantsfan080 2006-04-04T08:04:19-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/how_does_it_get_this_cold_this_fast.mws Wow. Yesterday high temperature at SUNY Geneseo: 73. Today's low temperature at SUNY Geneseo. 32 That's not right. Global warming my left ass cheek. Anyway I have a crapload of studying to do and I've been slacking all day so off to bury my nose in psychology notes.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/how_does_it_get_this_cold_this_fast.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/thats_bullshit.mws Giantsfan080 2006-04-04T10:04:35-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/thats_bullshit.mws You know what I fucking hate? When people hang up on me When people always think they're right When people won't apologize When people don't give a damn When people walk out on you When people keep me up till 3:30 in the morning When people think it's all about them Fuck that.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/thats_bullshit.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=337 Giantsfan080 2006-04-05T05:04:42-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=337 I don't think my brain works anymore. Way too much studying. So long to go. I need a nap. I'd really like to put up a decent entry but I don't have the time or energy. Maybe on Friday or Saturday

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/337 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=338 Giantsfan080 2006-04-06T05:04:28-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=338 Two tests down. Two to go. Plus a softball game and a play for theatre. Ugh this week is destroying me. I need sleep. Badly.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/338 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/weekendwoot.mws Giantsfan080 2006-04-07T07:04:47-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/weekendwoot.mws Finally. Done with tests. This week just kicked my ass. I think everyone on my floor has just had a bad week and been pissed off. I know I have so its time to let loose. We started our weekend around 4ish. Nothin too heavy just a few shots to keep us going till the real party started around 7. There isn't much to do tonight so I think we'll be staying in. It should be a good time. I was watching CNN today and on there they had a story of a rich man down in New Orleans who was complaining because FEMA built a trailer park right next to his fenced in property. He even went the mayor..and the mayor agreed with him. They tried to get FEMA to stop the trailer park. No one lives there yet and according to a statement released by FEMA officials the site is 80-85% complete. What I don't understand is how come this guy can't just shut up and take the sight of a few trailers for awhile. I mean his house wasn't flooded, he doesnt have to live in a trailer park. No all he lost during Katrina was a few shingles. Pretty fucking lucky eh? And here's CNN promoting his story. Like it was a real issue. I wish CNN would lay off every FEMA story and stop jumping on their back. Also to the mayor of New Orleans..shut up..please. Your "choclate city" is still a trailer park city right now. Finally to the asshole complaining on national television..show some compassion. How bout you and your rich wife go out and give those folks a few free meals. I'm no liberal by any means but I do know what compassion is and I do know a rich asshole when I see one.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/weekendwoot.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=340 Giantsfan080 2006-04-12T12:04:50-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=340 hhm so i got the results from all four tests. and three out of four sucked. damnit

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/340 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/youre_overrated.mws Giantsfan080 2006-04-13T01:04:11-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/youre_overrated.mws Alot on my mind but I'm unable to say a word I hate nights like these. I'll have more tommorrow I suppose. This is way too fucking emo for me. If your new to my blog please disregard.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/youre_overrated.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/last_night.mws Giantsfan080 2006-04-13T01:04:54-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/last_night.mws Alright here's the deal with last night. Absolute insanity. Jess has been up here since Monday and last night we went to her aunt's house for dinner and it was great. It's been so long since I had real food. I don't think my stomach knew what hit it. Probably thought I had died and gone to heaven. So then we're sitting there watching a movie just enjoying each other's company and I get a phone call from emily. She says "hey I wouldn't come back if I were you for awhile. There are cops all over your room and it looks like your roomate and friends are getting arrested." So I'm like oh fuck I knew this would happen eventually. We're both on probation so one more strike and it sounds like we get kicked off campus housing. Geneseo has a stupid rule that you have to live on campus for two years which is dumb but thats a different issue. So I start calling everyone involved trying to figure out what happened and no one is answering their phone. Finally I call Alix and she's with my RA and I was hoping he had info but he didn't even know what was going down. Then Kahlee calls and partially explains what happened. So I go back around 11. What happened from what I pieced together last night and this morning was that 3 of my friends had been drinking and smoking with this kid David and these two girls we hang out with. An RA asked them to turn down the noise and they did. Then he went down to the RD and said I think something is going up on 4 South. Didn't have any suspicious other than a smell. So she immediately calls the cops because she knows our room gets crazy. The cops go upstairs and after talking to Matt through a closed door for awhile he lets them in. They then start going through the room lookin for what was going on and figuring out what happened. In the end all they found was gatorade bottle w/ wine in them, a broken piece and an empty pot bag. Matt managed to hide the pot behind my computer and the bong in my closet. They patted down Ethan and missed $70 of pot in his pocket. They also missed my alcohol. So Matt got shit but we don't know how much or if anyone else did. So I come back and matt takes off because he "didn't want to deal with questions." Basically he was fucked up and tweaking out. He slept in Kahlee's bed I guess. I was up till 230 trying to finish my work and figure shit out. yea what a good night. Me and Jess also talked for a bit about shit and I understood completely what she was saying. Just wish that I change how she feels. But then again I'm the one who fucked up the last relationship so she has a right to be jealous and suspicious. thats all. peace

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/last_night.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=343 Giantsfan080 2006-04-14T11:04:06-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=343 I just suck at school right now. I fucked up three tests last week big time. Ugh. Then today I wake up and find out that I forgot to do my paper for political science and I didn't do my spanish paper or homework. Damnit. I need to pull at 3.0 this semester but right now it's not looking too good. I gotta pick this shit up.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/343 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/new_song.mws Giantsfan080 2006-04-17T09:04:39-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/new_song.mws Ok so I lied about not writing anymore for awhile. When it happens it happens. Here's a new one. It's called "Whatever Happened" Let me know what you think. Turn on your radio and what do you hear The same sounds pounding your ears I turn it down and lay down and contemplate Where have my heroes gone? All I hear is all this emo and punk rock It all sounds the same its insane All I’m looking for is fender riffs of old Whatever happened to the good old days of rock and roll Sometime I like to lay back and lose myself in the past Turn up the stereo and fill the room with the sounds And bring back the good old days of rock and roll Whatever happened to the good old days of rock and roll? Whatever happened bands like the Sex Pistols Running around and tearing up hotels. Where’s the rockers o’ding on stage Where’s the power and originality When did quantity over take quality Whatever happened to the good old days of rock and roll Sometime I like to lay back and lose myself in the past Turn up the stereo and fill the room with the sounds And bring back the good old days of rock and roll Whatever happened to the good old days of rock and roll? Give me back my Led Zepplin and Pink Floyd Where’s the burning guitars and floating pigs Maybe the Man really did takeover rock and roll Cuz bands these days all sound the same Everyone’s got a myspace and they all have the same face Whatever happened to the good old days of rock and roll Where’s my Boston, where’s my AC/DC Rock and roll had died and rests in pieces There’s no more Jimmy Paige or Bob Marley These bands today can’t even rock like Chris Farley What happened to the Young brothers or Motley Crue Today its all about the power pop punk The most they can bring the stage is spunk Where’s the anger where’s the feeling I want that music that can lift you beyond the ceiling The kind that can take you to a different place or state of mind Whatever happened to the good old days of rock and roll Can’t you bring them all back for one more reunion tour One last hurrah that will answer our prayers Nowadays is all noise facades and gimmicks Whatever happened to my rockstars Whatever happened to the good old days of rock and roll

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/new_song.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=345 Giantsfan080 2006-04-17T09:04:51-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=345 Maybe tomorrow I can get my shit together and stop screwing up the last part of my semester. Maybe. If I have time. Got in a run today and it was amazing. I forgot how good it can feel. Today was a good day.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/345 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/song_number_2.mws Giantsfan080 2006-04-17T09:04:10-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/song_number_2.mws Ok second song of they day that I wrote. Yes I know it's kinda vulgar. Get over yourself. But do me a favor and look past that one word. This is called Papercut. Let me know what you think. I may re-write parts. She’s daddy’s little girl and she rocks his world Got everyone tied around her pinkie finger Everyone’s thinking but no one’s saying Everyone’s praying that she’s not staying Cause she’s a cunt with a papercut And if you ask me I’ve had just about enough She’s a cunt with a papercut Just a tramp becoming a slut Every time she crying you’d think someone’s dying Even the littlest prick sends her wailing She always feels as if life is failing her It’s never her fault no matter what the crime I’m just hanging on waiting for her time Cause she’s a cunt with a paper cut And if you ask me I’ve had just about enough She’s a cunt with a paper cut She always crying as if she’s dying She’s always crying trying to bring me down You’d think she stop after awhile However its always futile to ask her to Even the littlest scratch will bring back the tears to her eyes She’s a clinger with everyone’s eyes settled on her finger She’s a cunt with a papercut And if you ask me I’ve had about enough

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/song_number_2.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=347 Giantsfan080 2006-04-18T09:04:17-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=347 Ha. I remember why I hate my job. Cuz it sucks. duh

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/347 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/oh_crap.mws Giantsfan080 2006-04-19T05:04:03-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/oh_crap.mws Ouch. My legs hurt. Running today was just pain. I gotta start icing again already and that sucks. It sucks that all the roads here are slanted and just screw up my legs. I'm hoping tomorrow will be better. At least the weather is nice. And tomorrow is 4/20. Which means my friends will all be ridiculous and I'll get a few laughs out of it. Also today we found out that Matt will be able to live on campus next year. He had his meeting and they put him on deferred suspension. So I think he has one more strike and then he's done. We'll see how long that takes.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/oh_crap.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/it_was_only_fantasy_the_wall_was_too_high_he_could_not_break_free.mws Giantsfan080 2006-04-20T08:04:27-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/it_was_only_fantasy_the_wall_was_too_high_he_could_not_break_free.mws I'm kind of hoping the weather will stay like this for the rest of spring. It's wonderful out. I'm worried about this spanish test tomorrow. Basically I need to get A's on this quiz and all my homeworks and my final to pass. Fun fucking times. Went for a run today and my legs are still dead. I think maybe I need a day off. At least I'm not sore though. All the potheads went up to Matt's cabin for the night. I kinda wanted to go but then again not really. It sucks though cause I would've still had fun but I have that damn test tomorrow. Semi cleaned my room. Oh yes and before I forget today is Jess and mine 6th month anniversary. This is the longest relationship I've been in and it's been the best one too. She's an amazing girl and honestly I would be lost without her.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/it_was_only_fantasy_the_wall_was_too_high_he_could_not_break_free.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=350 Giantsfan080 2006-04-24T11:04:53-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=350 Next time the fire alarms go off at 5 am...I'm going to take the chance that I'll burn. Fucking A.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/350 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=351 Giantsfan080 2006-04-24T05:04:08-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=351 Eh. Thats all I can say about today. Starting with the 5am fire alarm and then I couldn't sleep because Matt was having his coughing fits. Stupid pothead. So go to Spanish to do my oral exam which my partner decided not to show up to the library last night to work on and we ran out of time to go which means I have to go back across campus at 330 and he still has no idea what he's doing. Then I find out that overall I have a 68. Great. Fun. Fan-fucking-tastic. ...not really. I just want to be able to get all my shit together for one semester. But then thats not really me. Always gotta go and try and pull off a miracle to save my ass at the end of the semester. Ugh. I'm taking a break from outlining my psych notes. I honestly haven't been able to sit down and do more than half a chapter at a time without wanting to punch something. Luckily I have one chapter left so I should be done sometime tomrrow. Then I have to read my anthro book, start that final. Idk what else I have to do but this week is going suck ass. Friday can't come soon enough. I have probably the worst case of the Mondays ever.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/351 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/my_friends_are_idiots.mws Giantsfan080 2006-04-25T08:04:10-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/my_friends_are_idiots.mws Yep they are. We went up to main street for dinner at a pizza place and we're walking back they decide they want a 40 for tonight. So they're talking about it and Eric and Ethan end up getting a 6 pack. Or at least thats what they told Matt to get. Next thing I know he comes out with a 12 pack of 24oz bottles and a 6 pack. It's 7pm and its bright as hell out. Mind you that we're all on probation or deferred suspension. So we're walking back across a wide open field and holding a big box of beer. I can not believe they're that dumb. Eric and Ethan just don't see the problem with it and Matt obv wasn't thinking at all..which is normal for him. So I call ahead and get Billy to bring a suitcase so we can bring it in the dorm. I still can't believe we walked about a quarter of a mile and somehow we didn't get caught.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/my_friends_are_idiots.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/sleeping_in_never_felt_so_good.mws Giantsfan080 2006-04-26T12:04:44-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/sleeping_in_never_felt_so_good.mws Ahh. I had forgotten how good it feels to sleep in till noon. I haven't done that in months. Skipped my one class today because I was up way way too late last nite. From now on I'm not telling myself I'll go to bed early because then I end up going to be ridiculously late. They got me to drink a little bit and then I crashed at like 12:30. Which was decent except I couldnt sleep at all. Then my friend calls me and goes hey I can't sleep either wanna go for a walk? So at like 1 in the morning we start strolling around campus just talking. I end up going to bed at around 2. Last night was the second night in a row that I had a bad dream. I don't want to call the nightmares because I don't wake up scared or covered in sweat or anything. Usually my alarm clock brings me out of the dream. It's kind of just an annoyance right now. I don't know if I'll be able to keep drinking liquor anymore because it might be giving me acid reflux. I'm not really sure. Maybe it's the greasy food here. We'll have to see.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/sleeping_in_never_felt_so_good.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/movies_in_the_afternoon.mws Giantsfan080 2006-04-27T01:04:33-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/movies_in_the_afternoon.mws I'm watching Great Escape right now. Truly an excellent movie. I wish they still made movies like this or like Casablanca. There's no more great films made. Now its all cheap laughs, violence and straight sex scenes. I do enjoy some movies today but for the most part there's just not any great movies. I think the last truly good movies would be Shawshank Redemption or Forrest Gump. And yes Tom Hanks is in both of those and not by coincedence. He is one of the few excellent actors out there today. He's an actual actor, not a rapper or athlete or sex symbol filling a role. He also happens not be be crazy and jump on couches or believe in aliens (as far as I know). What ever happened to the Steve McQueens or the Fondas? Is it the writers and directors that have dumbed down the themes of movies or is there not alot of talent out there anymore for acting? I don't really believe the possiblity that audiences are getting dumber. People are just as dumb as they were 30-40 years ago. I think that there has just been a serious drop in quality entertainment in general. Look at rap music. Some of it is rather good, it has a beat and creative lyrics. The last good rapper though in my opinion was Eminem. He is a very very creative lyricist even if some of it is rather violent. Looking at artists like T.I Harris or Lil John..its sad. Their beats are industry made and the songs themseleves have no content. Even rock music or punk has become very very industry. It all sounds the same. It's so hard to find a band with an original sound that has decent music. Jimmy Eat World does it nicely. I just find it sad in general that we accept this crap for entertainment.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/movies_in_the_afternoon.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/last_day_of_class.mws Giantsfan080 2006-05-01T11:05:08-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/last_day_of_class.mws Haven't really felt like updating in the past few days. Today is the last day of class for the year. I'm kinda pumped but at the same time I'm sad to see my freshman year be over. It's been one of the best times of my life. I've met some amazing people..along with a few assholes...and learned more about myself and life then in all of high school. There've been alot of crazy times when I've wondered if this was the right choice for me. Luckily I had a few people to keep me on the ground and keep my head straight. Mostly Ethan and my wonderful girlfriend Jess who put up with alot of my moods and my crap. Thank you to both of you..your both truly amazing people. I've had some pretty cool adventures too. Like yesterday me and a bunch of the guys went for a hike. We went to the waterfall and then climbed down to the bottom. Pretty cool looking up and watching that water cascade down and feel the spray in my face. I wish I had brought a camera there would've been some pretty cool pics. Then Jeff and I just follwed the stream till it hit the Gennesee River and walked along the banks until we caught up with the other who had cut across a field instead of following the rest of the stream. All in all it was about a 3 hour hike just till we ended up at the banks of the river. Went for a swim in river and got all the mud off of me. It was a really good way to spend a sunday afternoon. In someways it needs to end though. With all the stress of finals and stuff everyone is getting on each other nerves and I think everyone is just looking forward to the break from school and going back to see old friends from high school. I'm sure this fall will bring plenty of new friends and good times and I know that I will be missing Geneseo.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/last_day_of_class.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=357 Giantsfan080 2006-05-04T03:05:37-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=357 I don't need this now. Not finals week. I didn't need the phone call last night where I'm accused of something out of the blue. I just want to get through this week and go home and spend time with Jess. Now there's a whole bunch of drama going on at home and we're both involved. It's her best friend. I didn't do anything wrong. I have never been the type to say things that aren't my business to say. That's not who I am. It doesn't do any good. Unfortunately the people we work with do it alot. They thrive on gossip and twisting stories. I'm not even there to defend myself thats what pisses me off the most. Fuck that. I would take the blame if I had done anything wrong. I just don't want this to get between me and Jess. It's not fair. It's not my fault someone said I did or said something. I don't want to be involved. At all. This is just not my business so I'm going to let everyone go and figure their shit out. Really though it's happened. Accept it and move on. You can't go through life letting what other people think of you dictate how you live. I learned that a long time ago. Maybe I'll get blamed for this and maybe I won't. It's my word against someone else's. In the end it just comes down to who do you trust.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/357 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=358 Giantsfan080 2006-05-05T03:05:18-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=358

I'm writing this entry to save to kelley's favorite's so she can save it and spy on me. haha jk

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/358 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=359 Giantsfan080 2006-05-07T01:05:57-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=359 My back is killing me. The middle of my lower back is very tight and sore and I don't know why. I think maybe it's the way I sleep. Ah well. 4 days left in college I'm sure my back will survive. Right now though I have to lock myself away in the study lounge and get to work. Yesterday was a good day. I got to see Jess even though we didn't really get any alone time it was still nice to see her and spend time with her. Matt's friend came down for the night and so we went out and had a good time. Overall a very good night..no fights no drama no nothin. We went outside and tried to play drunk football but we really didn't have enough players so we played for a bit and then decided we wanted to go swimming. So me, kelley, lakshmi, tim and charlie all took off through Geneseo looking for a open pool. Never mind that its the first week of May. We did manage to find one pool but it was covered. So I guess the plan is to either go to the river or go scouting the neighborhoods sober. Anyway lots of studying to do.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/359 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/stupid_internet.mws Giantsfan080 2006-05-08T04:05:41-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/stupid_internet.mws The school Internet was down all day today from 10 till just before 4pm. Bit of a bitch to anyone who had to do research. My political science final was a friggin marathon. 100 multiple choice and then 5 short essays worth 40 points each. So a 300 point test all together. Now I have to go kick this anthro paper's ass. 3 pages down. 1 and a half to go. Oh yea and my theatre teacher is a cunt. Fuck you Amy Canfield.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/stupid_internet.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=361 Giantsfan080 2006-05-08T06:05:34-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=361 Alrite enough of anthropology and the Iroquois. Seriously I can not finish this paper. There is nothin more to write about. The Iroquois Indians are extremely interesting to me but I can't write anymore about how their settlements relate to contemporary society. I have 4 pages and I need another 2 solid paragraphs to reach the required five. I'm thinking of beginning to mess around with the margins somewhere. Maybe do a a different font. Anything to get on to studying for my two tests tomorrow. Ugh. The other day one of my good friends here mentioned something to me that struck a cord in me. We were drinking in her room wtih a group of people and she just mentioned in passing that "Steve I don't know you that well". This kind of shocked me because I had never thought about it. I consider myself a pretty open person. But thinking about it no one at school does know me that well. Maybe it's because most friendships here are rather ad hoc or are based on being party buddies or knowing that person from class. But this paticular person I actually considered someone who I could go to when I needed to talk about something that was bothering me. For me that's a rarity because I usually don't talk about things that bothering me to others. I don't think I don't open up to people. I just don't volunteer information. I'll admit I have a select group of close friends and that I'm not paticularly close to most of my friends. It's not me. I'm more of a listener than a talker. I like to give advice not take it. So I guess I'll have to work on becoming closer to people who I'd actually like to truly be really close friends with.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/361 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/im_back.mws Giantsfan080 2006-05-28T10:05:42-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/im_back.mws Hey finally back. I know you all missed me terribly. Anyway quick update. School's over for the summer. Ended up with a 2.82. Not what I wanted but an improvement over the first semester. Spanish killed me. Got a full time job working for the State Fair. It's not the best job but it guarantees me 40 hours a week at above minimum wage. And I'm not in a hot greasy kitchen serving up burgers. Thats all for now. More later I'm sure

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/im_back.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=363 Giantsfan080 2006-05-28T10:05:00-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=363 My back is killing me. Probably from being bending over while powerwashing that damn grandstand today. So I was supposed to go to a party with Kelley tonite and then Jess invites me over for dinner w/ her family so I go over and cancel the possible plans I made with everyone else and then Jess goes and spends the nite at Theresa's. Too late for me to make plans with anyone else. so on one of two of my nights off I'm stuck home. Damnit. If it were socially acceptable I'd drink by myself. Eh fuck whats socially acceptable I'm bored. Off to do something I suppose.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/363 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/waiting_by_the_moment_here_with_you.mws Giantsfan080 2006-05-30T10:05:27-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/waiting_by_the_moment_here_with_you.mws I will never comprehend the weather in upstate New York. No matter how much I try. Today was a balmy 97 degrees with humidity the upper 70's at least. And it's still frickin humid as hell. I'm sweating and I'm just lying here. It could be that my house is extremely old and captures heat like thats it's job. But still I think I lost 5lbs at work today cleaning out those stupid horse barns. Ugh. What I wouldn't give for a pool or better yet a thunderstorm. A really good strong one. Went to Tony's last nite to play poker and suprisingly I won 15 bucks. Usually I get my ass kicked but I got pretty damn lucky. Ugh I think I'm going to sleep in the basement tonite. It's only 65 down there.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/waiting_by_the_moment_here_with_you.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=365 Giantsfan080 2006-06-04T04:06:33-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=365 Ha wow last nite was great. I needed that alot. Went to dinner at Ashley's house with Emily, Matt and Kelley and then we went to Kelley's house for a party. Great time. It was the 5 of us and a bunch of Kelley's friends from high school. Matt got ridiculous of course. I managed to keep it under control. I wanted to be careful because I hadn't had a drink in almost a month so I wasn't sure where I stood tolerance wise. He was so drunk he couldn't put his clothes on after swimming and then we had to walk him around kelley's house to sober him up. which didn't work. So kelley and I brought him to the bathroom to see if we could make him puke. Unfortunately Matt never pukes. Instead he and kel kneeled on the floor and he tried to make out with her. So then he couldn't walk up the stairs so we put him to bed on her couch. He pissed on it sometime during the nite. Woke up in the morning and stumbled upstairs and passed out in the room with the rest of the us guys. Wearing only his boxers the entire time. He was still drunk at 10 when I left to go to work. I can't wait till the next garage party kelley has. The best part is that her parents are home and know exactly what we're doing but don't care. Though her mom is pretty pissed about the couch but lucky for Matt her dad doesn't know. Then I went to work and worked the picnic they had there. Boring but free food and a pretty good oldies cover band.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/365 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/new_blog.mws Giantsfan080 2006-06-06T11:06:46-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/new_blog.mws Had a wierd dream last nite. Sorta freaked me out for a bit. Today was perfect. 80 degrees out. Went out and mowed the lawn and then played a lil bball. Tm all I'm doing is mowing the front lawn and then maybe going for a run/hike. Depends on my mood. Tonight was my brother's confirmation. I got a kick out of it that it was on 6/6/06. So fucking long though. 2 hours in that church without AC. Shoot me please. I've decided that I'm going to make this blog just a update on my personal life or whenever I want to vent depending on my mood. Anything else like political commentary or stuff like that is going to go on my new one. Speaking of venting have I ever mentioned that it's damn near impossible to be there and help someone when they don't tell you things? Yea. If I could read minds then maybe it would work. Oh yea and one more thing. I'm taking my road test next wednesday. wish me luck

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/new_blog.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=367 Giantsfan080 2006-06-07T11:06:19-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=367 Alright new blog name is MiddleGround. Thoughts for the day -The Colbert Report sucks. -Was I the only one disappointed that there were no apoctalyptic events yesterday? -I couldn't give two shits about gay marriage really - The Sudoku puzzle today gave me a serious headache

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/367 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/elephant_doctors.mws Giantsfan080 2006-06-08T06:06:50-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/elephant_doctors.mws Ha they finally got that bastard al Zarcqwi or however you spell that. Bout damn time. So this elephant here is pregnant and attempting to give birth and apparently her contractions aren't strong enough for the baby to enter the birth canal. This has been going on for a few days. Today I guess they flew in the best elephant doctors in the U.S. I didn't even know you could have that title. Quite an opening line I must say. Walk up to a girl in a bar and be like hey I'm the best elephant doctor in the entire country. Wonder what kind of reaction you'd get. Apparently we have an excellent elephant program here. I think we have 7-9 elephants in our zoo. They had a few more but they sent one to another zoo and then one of the babies decided to jump in the pool and drowned. ooops. Work was exausting. Or maybe it was my lack of sleep last night. I kept waking up. ETB for me I think. Anyway thats all. be back later with an elephant update. haha

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/elephant_doctors.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/so_i_guess_this_is_growing_up.mws Giantsfan080 2006-06-10T05:06:05-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/so_i_guess_this_is_growing_up.mws I miss school. I love being home and seeing my old friends and being able to see Jess every few days is awesome. I still do miss Geneseo though and everyone there. Taking my road test wednesday. I'm hoping I pass. If I don't its going to be bit of a sore spot for me. I'm tired of people treating me like I'm still a kid. Especially my mom. It drives me nuts when she talks down to me or nags. I think if I could I would move out. Not that I don't like my family I do for the most part but I'm not used to this lack of freedom at all. I have some thinking to do.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/so_i_guess_this_is_growing_up.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/i_really_am_horrible_with_titles.mws Giantsfan080 2006-06-12T11:06:57-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/i_really_am_horrible_with_titles.mws Finally done with my work week. Two days off of absolutely nothing. Just kidding. I have a buttload of chores to do..thanks dad.. and I have my road test on Wednesday. Slightly nervous but no big deal. Oh yea and I also have to think of a birthday gift for Jess. Now if only I hadn't forgotten the rest of her suggestions. The only one I remember is a purse. Fuck that no way I'm walking into a store and buying a purse. So time to put the old thinking cap on. It would be easier if I didn't want this to be a really good birthday. For one she's turning 18. Also she's an amazing girl and I don't want to let her down. and third I usually do put alot of thought into gifts I buy people and try to be original. We'll see how this all goes. On a lighter note at work today I learned some interesting facts about my co-workers. One has been to jail repeatedly. Once for having 150lbs of marijuana which he grew himself along the highway. I guess the FBI said it was some of the best stuff they had ever seen. And the other one shot a man in the head once. Guy is still alive walking around with a bullet in his head. That must be kind of interesting to have a damn bullet lodged in your skull. I'm pretty sure things like that kill you eventually. Something about them moving over time and stuff. Thats all for now. Time to go "galavanting online" as someone put it so poetically the other nite

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/i_really_am_horrible_with_titles.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/dani_california.mws Giantsfan080 2006-06-13T11:06:01-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/dani_california.mws One quick question..does anyone know when the Red Hot Chili Peppers new album is out already or when it comes out? I've been listening to their new single Dani California and it an amazing song. So is the new one by Three Days Grace. Which comes out today I think. Last night while sitting there watching CSI I realized that I'm not nearly as in shape as I used to be which kind of bothered me so I figure I might as well start coming up with a running plan to get into shape. I'm not overweight by any means, actually I think I've lost weight since I've been back from school. I attribute that to a lot less drinking and no more school food. I'm still not where I'd like to be fitnesswise. So starting today I'm going to get my ass out on the streets more. We'll see how long this lasts. I have a bad habit of not taking is slow at first and going too fast and too far and end up getting shin splints. This time no shinsplints hopefully.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/dani_california.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=372 Giantsfan080 2006-06-14T04:06:05-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=372 I passed. I still won't be able to drive though until my dad puts me on his insurance as a liscesned driver. After that I don't know how often they'll let me have the car so maybe I'll seriously start looking to buy one. I would have to work my ass off at school to pay for the insurance. Speaking of money I got my first paycheck at the new job today. I'll pick it up tm at work and see how much the government gouged out of it. Oh yea and Kelley managed to make my day as usual. I owe you kel.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/372 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=373 Giantsfan080 2006-06-16T04:06:55-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=373 Today was just slow. That is the only word that completely and fully describes my day. Every single moment dragged. Every single minute felt like a moment in still frame. I hate days like these. I feel like I wasted a day.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/373 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=374 Giantsfan080 2006-06-18T05:06:28-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=374 Yesterday was Jess's birthday/graduation. I got her a couple movies and a raft for her pool. Not great I know but I thought of the raft because I remembered her telling me that her dog ate the ones last year. She failed to mention that they had already bought more. So it wasn't that great of a present. The ceremony was bad at all. It was actually only 90 minutes long and her class had about 220 more kids than I did when I graduated. We got held up by some protest or march or something on our way though. Went to dinner at Daniel's Restaurant and it was really really good. Then just hung out and with Jess and her friend Jenn. Watched Eurotrip. I forgot how funny it was. Then we went swimming for a bit and I went home and crashed before getting up for work. It's freakin hot here. 95 degrees maybe? The humidity is what kills me though. I found out I have to work a 12am to 8am shift next Monday. Ugh that is going to blow. But on the upside I have my first Saturday night off all summer. Awesome. Maybe I'll actually go out and do something. Take Jess somewhere maybe now that I have a license and all. I'll have to think on it.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/374 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=375 Giantsfan080 2006-06-19T10:06:18-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=375 I've been kind of out of it all day. I don't know what it is but everything seems very distant. It's hard to explain. Like most things of course. Maybe I'm just tired. Anyway I'll leave you with some lyrics by Seether. Called 69 Tea. Lonely in this white room, there are pads everywhere Chafing straitjacket, I won’t die in there Save me smiling jesus, get off that cross Hate me screaming masses I don’t care if I’m lost Don’t tell me that you’re all better I don’t care if you are don’t tell me that you’re trendsetters I don’t care if you are Lowly with my head bowed, there are rats everywhere Feed me bread and water I won’t die in there Save me smiling jesus, get off that cross Hate me screaming masses I don’t care if I’m lost Don’t tell me that you’re all better I don’t care if you are don’t tell me that you’re trendsetters I don’t care if you are Say you will take my pills Say you will faking ill Don’t tell me that you’re all better I don’t care if you are don’t tell me that you’re bed wetters I don’t care if you are Say you will take my pills Say you will faking ill Say you will (say you will) take my pills (take my pills) Say you will (say you will) faking ill

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/375 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=376 Giantsfan080 2006-06-21T05:06:33-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=376 That is the last time I wear pants to work this summer unless I know it's going to rain. Fuck it was hot out. Went and shot some pool with Ethan last nite. I haven't seen that kid in a few weeks which is bad considering he's my best friend. But then again he is always with his girlfriend. They've been going out for a year next month and have already talked about getting married and getting an apartment next summer if his parents move. They've decided that neither of them will ask the other to get married until the beginning of next summer. I just think he's moving a little bit too fast. It's his first girlfriend and yea they do love each other and managed to be a thousand miles apart literally and still stay together but idk. I for one think that marriage in college isn't the brightest idea. Especially when your only 19 years old or so. But who knows, I'm not either of them and if he feels that he's ready then I'll back him 100%. He's always stood by my on some of my stupider desicions so no reason I shouldn't stand by him on a rational one. He's been asking me for advice on what to get her for their one year anniversary. He was talking about a promise ring but idk that seems too much like an engagement of types to me. But if Lorraine.. the girlfriend..wants a ring then I guarantee she gets one. He gives in far too easily to her and her wants. So far this summer they have trips planned to disney world..for the third time..Lake George, Darien Lake, and NYC. He pays for everything and I don't think it's fair of her to just suddenly plan all these trips when he has to pay for a car, insurance and try and pay for school. Well that was an odd little rant but he knows where I stand on all that. Anyways went to Denny's after with Dan and his gf. Ate way way too much as always but thats just what we do. I think tonite I'll be catching up on sleep since Jess is going to be w/ her friends.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/376 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=377 Giantsfan080 2006-06-22T04:06:12-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=377 I think I'm sick again. Damnit all I hate it when I'm sick. This one especially annoying because the symptoms are so small yet annoying. I think I may have hand-foot-mouth disease again.( Yes it's a actually virus.) Basically I'm tired all the time and have small sores in my throat that make eating or swallowing painful. I had it last summer and lived off of choclate milkshakes for a few days. It goes away by itself normally in about a week but the doctor gave me this really cool liquid novicaine stuff last summer and I still have some. This is still very gay and annoying.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/377 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/ok_i_lied.mws Giantsfan080 2006-06-23T05:06:11-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/ok_i_lied.mws So I've decided to revise my diagnosis. I do not have HFMD like I previously said. I think that was from a sore throat, the heat of yesterday, lack of water and breathing in the chemicals from cleaning the bathrooms at work. So probably just some sort of sore throat. Maybe I'll go get it checked out on my days off. Or I'll just take some meds and let it go. We'll see how things go. Speaking of work I have to work Saturday, the midnite to 830am shift on Sunday and then I'm done till thursday. Lot of time off, most of which will be spent sleeping hopefully.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/ok_i_lied.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/stupid_me.mws Giantsfan080 2006-06-24T04:06:56-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/stupid_me.mws Stupid me is right. So today at work I was riding around in the back of the truck because I was a gentleman and offered to let the three girls ride in the cab. Actually I'm just anti social in the morning and work doesn't help that. But it was a beautiful morning and riding wasn't that bad. But I've been getting a pretty bad farmer's tan and I decided to try and fix that by rolling up my sleeves as I rode around all day. Bad idea. I forgot that I'm Irish and it takes more than one day to tan. Now I have a nice overall burn going on my arms. Go me. I agreed to work 3 night shifts later this week. Which means I get to sleep in every day this week. Amazing news. The likes of which has not been heard since oh I don't know...Independence Day? The signing of the Armistice in Europe? Around there in the amazing news scale.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/stupid_me.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/thoughts_after_23_hours_of_being_up_and_6_hours_of_sleep.mws Giantsfan080 2006-06-26T04:06:48-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/thoughts_after_23_hours_of_being_up_and_6_hours_of_sleep.mws Worked the midnite to 8 shift today. It wasn't too bad as long as I kept moving and working. Having my ipod helped alot I think. Yesterday hung out with jess and went to dinner at Ruby Tuesday's and saw the Lake House. Not a bad movie but kinda predictable. But then alot of movies are today. My whole sense of time is kind of screwed up. And the guy at work who does schedules switched mine up for the next two weeks. Douchebag. I gotta go in and talk to him about it. This pisses me off. Back to bed.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/thoughts_after_23_hours_of_being_up_and_6_hours_of_sleep.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=381 Giantsfan080 2006-06-27T05:06:24-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=381 Went and saw Nacho Libre last night. What a horrible move. It's basically Jack Black prancing around in tights and a poor attempt at developing a story line. It was almost Napolean Dynamite-like. Plus the movies here are now a ridiculous $9 a pop. Fuck that. I think they're $10 in NYC and I'm no where near NYC. I think I'm going to be boycotting the movies for awhile because that's just ridiculously overpriced. Especially when all the movies suck. Can't wait to go back to Geneseo and the $5 movies there. I'll just wait till they come out on video or maybe go to one of the smaller independent theatres. I wonder if there is a drive in near me. I've always wanted to go to one of those. Ethan and Rob came along last night and Ethan got a $260 ring for his g/f as a one year anniversary present. I was like whoa thats kinda crazy. But then the two of them are pretty serious and it's almost like an engagement ring. I warned him against doing anything like that and for once he listened. I can't imagine spending that much but then again those two are at a whole different level than me and Jess. I'm not even sure how you get to that level lol . At work they've switched my schedule for the next two weeks and I'm pissed. Now I work either 2-1030 or 330-12. Screw that shit I told them I would work 3 days of that..not 2 weeks. I feel bad too because that will seriously cut down on the time I get to spend with Jess now that she's switched to days. Ugh. Things just get better and better. We were supposed to go to the zoo today with her friend Jenn but them being girls they decided to go the mall instead. Not happy about it but w/e. Got a few cd's to make myself happy about it all. I got the Razor's Edge, by AC/DC, One-X by Three Days Grace, and Stadium Arcadium by the RHCP. I wanted to get the Disturbed cd but I decided against it. Since because I have my license and the insurance premimums have tripled for my dad, he wants me to look into these two programs to get it reduced. One of them is bringing in my grades, which are not spectacular, and the other is keeping a log of the next 20 places I drive, watched a dvd, and taking a test on something. Not really sure what but ok. It should be pretty dumb. Maybe I'll just make up half of them. Idk I'm bored and it's way too humid. I think tonite is going to be a midnite run or just a late night walk.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/381 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=382 Giantsfan080 2006-06-28T12:06:19-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=382 Hearing her cry tonight was probably one of the worst things I've ever had to listen to. Knowing that she was upset and that I wasn't there to hold her and tell her that it was going to be ok and that I could fix things. Fucking shit I hate this feeling. Just got back from a walk and I'm soaked. I just had to get out. I really hope that I can work something out with my schedule otherwise I don't know what to do. I'm only home for so long and going two weeks without seeing her..it's going to be hell honestly. I think I need a new swear word because right now I can't think of a good one that works for me. Maybe I'll be able to switch a day or two with someone else. But if this is going to become a regular thing then I'll quit. Plain and simple I'm not ruining my summer to shovel shit and change trash. Maybe I could get my old job back and if it comes down to it I'll just bust my ass mowing lawns. All I know is that tonight when she cried it made me realize how much I care about this girl. And that's a new feeling for me.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/382 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=383 Giantsfan080 2006-06-28T12:06:19-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=383 I've often wondered what causes some people to screw up so bad. I have a few friends that I met through my last job who's lives have totally changed. Two of the girls actually were very good friends when they were younger and then grew apart and became enemies. Though I don't think you can really have true enemies at the age of 16 which is when I met them. They both came from the same nice neighborhood and now are both screw ups. One got into drugs pretty bad..acid, coke, x, shrooms and of course lots of pot. It's my nature to psycho analyze so I've tried to figure out what drove her to make those mistakes. I've had plenty of possible reasons but I won't ever know for sure. For awhile she was basically a coke whore. Sleeping with her dealer and getting kicked out of her house and just alot of bad shit. Then she tried to get her life straighten out. She dropped coke..for the most part, works two jobs and has her own apartment. I think her biggest problem is her horrible choice in guys. She had a good guy for awhile, a kid I was friends with in elementary school but he wasn't the relationship type at all. Was a great guy, helping her out alot but he didn't want the title of boyfriend and she wanted him to be that. They had a fight and she got fucked up again for a bit. Now I'm not sure what her deal is because it's been awhile since I've actually talked to her. My other friend I don't even think I could call my friend anymore simply because I haven't seen or talked to her in months and I've tried to but no response. I know why she's fucked up. The death of her father in 10th grade screwed her up royally. Ever since then it's been more partying and hanging out with people who aren't the best people for her. I hate to say it but she did turn into a bit of a slut. But I'm in no position to judge her on that and I don't think anyone else is either. She's moved out and is now pregnant and living with this kid..I don't even know if he's out of high school.. and it's not his kid. She was always a bit of a mystery to me. The reason I'm writing this all out is more for my own sanity and trying to figure out what the hell happens to people that they can take a wrong turn like that. It just blows my mind sometimes how stupid ppl can be.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/383 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/busted_again.mws Giantsfan080 2006-06-28T05:06:51-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/busted_again.mws Damnit my parents busted me again for alcohol. Oh well. Not that big of a fight. As of right now the punishment is no car until further notice but that doesn't really bother me because I walk most places anyway. Shit happens you know.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/busted_again.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=385 Giantsfan080 2006-06-30T12:06:41-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=385 Sleeping in is amazing but working till 12 at night is not. Last night was creepy as hell at work. We were riding around in the truck and we see all these lights flashing from inside a building and fire alarms going off. Then all this talking over the radios from other people wondering what the hell is happening inside that building. This building is supposedly haunted by two young girls. It's a youth building during the state fair and they have about 300 beds upstairs where the farm kids stay during the fair. But the building is almost never used otherwise and there are lights on and fire alarms going off. Pretty interesting. Thats all for now.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/385 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=386 Giantsfan080 2006-07-02T12:07:45-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=386 I kind of like night shifts even though they're the worst ones because they take up your whole day and night. But still it's slow and I can take breaks whenever and I leave early. At the same time it's impossible to have a life so I told Dave I couldn't do it anymore. I still have to do work them through the 16th because we have a huge classic car show going on for three days. The show is awesome, all the car types bring out their old old old cars and others bring out the classics and some just bring the tricked out ones. Clean up is supposed to be a bitch though and we bring in day laborers to help out. Jess went to her friend's grad party tonite. Kind of jealous that I had to work and she got to drink. There's something wrong if she's drinking and im not. I still haven't really drank with her so I'm not sure what kind of drunk she is so I'm not sure how comfortable with the idea of it especially with other guys around but at the same time I trust her totally. I think it's just because at school I've seen how alot of girls act when they're drunk and I tend to get jealous easily. I'm not perfect what can I say. Anyway there's a good movie on. peace.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/386 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/does_this_mean_im_really_not_a_kid_anymore.mws Giantsfan080 2006-07-02T12:07:45-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/does_this_mean_im_really_not_a_kid_anymore.mws Today I get out early from work. An amazing 1030pm. Awesome. Not. But at least I get to drive. My mom left me the keys so I think she took off with my grandma to the lake. I'm kind of jealous. I guess this means that the lake gatherings won't be the same as they used to be when I was younger. I have a large extended Irish family on my mom's side. 16 aunts and uncles and 25 or more cousins. I've lost count along the way. But for the last 8 years or so it's been a family tradition to spend a week or so around the 4th of July down at my uncle's cottage and rent a few of the big houses around it so we could all stay there. It was an amazing time just running around barefoot and in swimsuits for a week eating all kinds of crap and staying up way too late at night. There was always a bonfire and fireworks along with the boat rides and tubing. And when you've got that many kids there's always games and water wars and countless other adventures we would invent. Over the past few years though the crowd has slowly changed, especially this year. A few of the older faces have passed on to the next great adventure and some of the younger ones have moved on to the next chapter in their lives. Instead of being there for a week they show up for the big party on the 4th and then drift back to their other commitments and demands. I'm the fourth oldest cousin and so this is only the beginning. Other people, boyfriends and girlfriends of the cousins are starting to show up. God help them when my family gets to them. You truly do need a sense of humor and alot of patience to deal with some of my family. An amazing memory for names and faces would help too. Especially to deal with Carl, my uncle through marriage who owns the camp, he's a trip. He wakes up around 9 or 10, starts drinking at lunch and will keep going till 2 or 3 in the morning. My aunt calls him Peter Pan with white hair. They have no kids of their own so having 20 kids running around for a week is a blessing to them and for some reason they love it. The reason I'm writing all this is because this is the first time I won't be down there for the whole week to see everyone and join in the fun. And the realization that it could be the first of many shocked me. I too have joined others who don't show up as much as they used to. I don't like that. I love being down there and not worrying about anything except eating winning the games we play and of course winning the annual tubing championship. So I think I've decided that I won't miss out on this week if I can help it in the future. That week down there is going to soon be my only chance to be a kid again. There are so many memories down at the Lake that I don't think I could miss it if I wanted to.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/does_this_mean_im_really_not_a_kid_anymore.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=388 Giantsfan080 2006-07-03T02:07:04-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=388 I can't sleep and there's no one online and nothing good on tv. Eh.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/388 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/i_make_a_rather_fine_cook_i_must_say.mws Giantsfan080 2006-07-04T12:07:32-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/i_make_a_rather_fine_cook_i_must_say.mws So because I walked to work and because the restaraunt there is only open during the horse shows all I had for dinner was a bag of AppleJacks. And I ate half of those on the walk to work because it was lunch too. Yea self control isn't my strong point as you can tell. But anyway after 8 and a half hours of sweeping and shoveling it was time for shower and food. Shower first because working in a horse barn makes you absolutely disgusting. So then I thought hhm what am I in the mood for. And it came to me. Breakfast food! Not just any breakfast food..eggs and toast and breakfast sausage (cuz Italian sausage is nasty). So I ended up making myself 2 of my special egg and bagel sandwhiches and had some toast and a few links of sausage. Oh and of course a big thing of milk. Those sandwhiches were amazing. You make two eggs and way you like. I make mine fried eggs. Before you flip them you put in a bit of pepper, salt and frank's hot sauce. Then while those are cooking you toast the bagelbread. Must use bagel bread or if you don't have that, an English muffin. If you have sausage patties you can use those two as part of the sandwhich but we were out. After the egg is cooked to your liking put it on the lightly toasted bagelbread and add a touch more salt and pepper and then if you'd like more Frank's. Those were probably the two best sandwhiches I've had in a long long time. I kinda fudged the toast because I wasn't paying attention but it was still good. I have to say that for a guy I can cook pretty damn good.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/i_make_a_rather_fine_cook_i_must_say.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/i_swear_i_never_meant_to_let_it_die.mws Giantsfan080 2006-07-07T11:07:46-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/i_swear_i_never_meant_to_let_it_die.mws I've been listening to the new Three Days Grace cd alot lately. It's pretty good and I like it because all the songs were written acoustically before they tried them out on electrice guitar. On a few songs you can definately hear the acoustic roots. I got a pretty bad burn on my shoulders and middle back while at camp. I think it was from tubing. I suppose I better remember the sunscreen next time. I hate it when people always think that they're right. You're not perfect. Far from it. I really really do not want to go to work today. I'm not sure what I'd rather do but anything other than work would be acceptable. It's just a drag lately and I think its going to be until after the hod rod show ends on the 16th. Fighting through txts is probably the stupidest thing I've ever heard of. There's a problem when you can't talk to the person about things. Seeing people do it makes me laugh..and then I stop and think.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/i_swear_i_never_meant_to_let_it_die.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=391 Giantsfan080 2006-07-08T12:07:23-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=391 Just had a Milky way and I have to say it's been awhile since I had one of those but it was amazing.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/391 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=392 Giantsfan080 2006-07-12T09:07:52-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=392 I get to be the family chauffer today. whoohoo. Not. Had to drop Mom off at 8 then Matt at 8:45 and then Bill at 10. Pick up Matt at 1230, Bill at 1245-1ish and Mom at 2. Ah well at least I have the car so I can go..nowhere because it's raining and everyone's working. Well then back to bed it is.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/392 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=393 Giantsfan080 2006-07-13T11:07:39-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=393 So the concert on August 12th is cancelled. Kind of pissed but instead me and jenn and whoever else we find are going to go to K-Rockathon instead which should actually be a better concert. 9 bands for 30 bucks. Not bad. It's the 22nd of July and I'm def looking forward to that. I wanted Jess to come but it's not really her style of music thats playing. I think the bands are Shinedown, Seether, Breaking Benjamin, Buckcherry, Blue October, Evans Blue, Hurt, People in Planes and Candlebox. I have to skip work to go but oh well. Got the tixts today after getting lost looking for them. I had to go to the UPS store to get them and I couldn't find the damn thing forever. Finally tracked it down behind a Burger King and next to a chinese nail place. Now I get to sit around and wait before playing family chauffer again. Oh yea and work from 330-12.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/393 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=394 Giantsfan080 2006-07-17T09:07:29-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=394 It's too fucking hot to do anything. I seriously think I'm melting. ugh.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/394 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=395 Giantsfan080 2006-07-19T12:07:55-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=395 I haven't been in the mood to write much on here. I'm not really sure why. I think maybe I just need to put more effort into but at the same time to me blogging has always been something spontaneous and fun. If I were to make it a forced habit then maybe it would lose it's effect. I do enjoy mindsay and talking to everyone on it. I guess I could say I'm just lazy. Speaking of that I've decided that I'm going to run in the Syracuse Festival of Races in October. Should give my lazy butt plenty of time to get back into shape. Plus I just feel the need to do something lately. I think when school starts up again I may try and join rugby. We'll see about that though. The rugby guys are a bit extreme for me. They like to get shitfaced and naked together and sing. Not exactly my idea of a great time. But I miss football and the way it let me get rid of my tension and agression. Running did it too but only when I was racing or doing hard workouts. I never had the mental discipline for the longer runs. I do have to find something though soon. It would be nice if anyone besides my brother had any desire to workout or run. But nope. Anyway bedtime. nite all.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/395 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=396 Giantsfan080 2006-07-23T06:07:32-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=396 Sorry I haven't updated in a few days. It's been kinda crazy. I was walking home from Jess's house thursday night and just when I got in the door I got a phone call from Kahlee telling me Adrianne's mom died that day. It kinda blew me away I mean you just are speechless when news like that comes out of nowhere. She had a brain aneurysm (sp?) and had passed out on her way home from her niece's softball game. They got her to the hospital and she was awake enough to say her goodbyes before her brain shut down and she was declared brain dead. I can't imagine what Adrianne's going through. I couldn't imagine losing someone that close to me especially my mom. Me and my mom aren't paticularly close but still if she were gone tomorrow..wow. I can't even comprehend it. I don't know how you can get up in the next morning and force yourself to do anything. I've been lucky I guess, I've never had to deal with the death of someone really close to me. I've been to two funerals. One for my great uncle when I was 10 and another for my great aunt last fall. I'm not really an openly emotional person so I just kinda sat there through the whole thing. Anyways the wake is tomorrow and tuesday and the funeral is wednesday. I really want to go to be there for Adrianne but I have no ride. Alot of kids from school are going including my roomate matt. Which is wierd considering their whole history and that they haven't talked in a month. Anyways I feel pretty shitty about that happening out of nowhere to Adrienne. In my mind it wouldn't be better but more bearable if you at least had some time to digest the fact that your mom was dying and accept it rather than be rushed to the hospital to say goodbye one last time.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/396 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/krockathon.mws Giantsfan080 2006-07-23T06:07:05-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/krockathon.mws Went to the K-rockathon concert yesterday and it was awesome. There were 9 bands and it poured all that morning so the entire field was just all mud and woodchips. Everyone was covered in mud and dirt and crap. We got there early enough to be front row for the entire show though it was a battle to hang on to your spot. So many drunk people, high people and just people pushing and shoving and reaching to get closer to their favorite band. Brace opened the show and they weren't too bad but a bit too much screaming for me. Hurt was next and they were suprisingly good. Then came Candlebox and they were really good. Buckcherry was next and the lead singer was just nuts, running around in his leather pants and just running all over the place. Breaking Benjamin was damn good and the songs they played were awesome. That got everyone going for Seether. They weren't as good without the second guitarist but they were still pretty good. Especially Gasoline and Remedy. The last band we saw, Shinedown however blew me away. They were absolutely amazing. Their lead singer really knew how to work a crowd and get people going. I was pretty pissed by the end of the show at the pushing and all the idiots crowd surfing over and over. I started punching them as they went over my head. Though I gotta say the midget and the guy in the wheelchair crowd surfing was pretty damn cool. That's rocking out I must say. I'm glad I stayed for Shinedown though. We left after that and there was just Blue October left to play. I wasn't that interesting in seeing them though they have a kick ass song called Hate Me. So we went to the parking lot to leave it was about 920-930. I figured great I'll be able to get 7-8 hours of sleep before work. No. Not even fucking close. We were in the lot for an hour and forty minutes. Didn't move for the first 45. Then we took a few wrong turns going out before we got on Rt. 5. I got home at 11:45 covered in dirt and mud. My jeans had to be thrown out and I think my hat have to go too. I can think of one or two people who will be happy to hear that news. Damn I don't want to get a new hat I liked that one. Anway I had to shower and eat because the only thing I had all day was a bowl of cheerios. I wasn't about to give up front rows to some of my favorite bands for some overpriced lukewarm pizza. I was so sore and tired but it was worth it.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/krockathon.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=398 Giantsfan080 2006-07-26T09:07:06-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=398 Don't have much to say. Just been up since really early and I'm out of things to do so I decided to blog. Yep. I think I'm going to try and go back to bed.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/398 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=399 Giantsfan080 2006-07-28T10:07:02-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=399 One month exactly till I go back to school. This month is flying by but I can tell it's been a long time since I was at school. Tried to remember some of my basic pysch lessons and just drew blanks. oops. I have approx 2-2 1/2 weeks of work left. I'm getting sick of this job though. I really want to just quit and be able to sleep everyday. Right now I'm getting wireless from one of my neighbors which is rather cool since I never have before. Today was the last day at work for the paint and gardening crew so that means lunch and break times will suck because no one will be there. I get to go to Geneseo tm though with Jess and her family. Maybe I'll make them get me Mia's pizza. mmmm pizza. I've finally started running again. Just every other day right now until my legs get used to it. I always get hurt but this time I'll do my best not to. Oh yea and the Giants released almost all of their defense backfield in the offseason. WTF. We're in deep shit.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/399 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=400 Giantsfan080 2006-08-01T01:08:56-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=400 It was 90 degrees at 10am this morning. This heat wave is getting a bit ridiculous. But we always have one or two each summer here. Apparently my ipod has corrupted music on it from the source at school I downloaded it from. Thats gay. So I have to reset it and then only put on music I bought or w/e. That's maybe 200 of my 4000 songs. Damnit. Went and saw Miami Vice last night with Ethan and saw Frank and Sweeny there. God they butchered that movie. Jamie Foxx is almost non existent in that movie. It's all about Collin Farrell banging the Asian chick and in the end how they can't be together. Boo-fucking-hoo I want to see some shit blow up! The only decent part of the movie is the one (count it) and only one gunfight in the entire movie. And when the cop shoots the nazi in the head. The kills in the movie are extremely realisitic looking. But other than that it was a horrible horrible movie.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/400 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=401 Giantsfan080 2006-08-02T10:08:43-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=401 Screw this weather. I have to go running but its way way too hot. Also I have to start making a list of things I need to buy before I go back to school. And then go and get those things. Maybe if I run long enough I'll pass out and I get to go to an air conditioned hospital. Nah. I think I'll just go lie down under the hose.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/401 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=402 Giantsfan080 2006-08-02T04:08:16-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=402 It rained. Finally. And it's still hotter than hell out. I've spent most of my day in my brothers' room and the basement because those happen to be the coolest room in the house. The storm took out a bunch of stoplights around here. I passed at least 6 driving down to Wegmans and Staples. Now I'm just waiting till that 70's show comes on. Sad but as of now that's really all I have to look forward to today. Oh yea and possibly a rematch with jess. We'll see. Kelley wanted me to go to her friend's camp but it's way way out in cato and I have work early tm. So no go there.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/402 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/things_i_have_had_enough_of_lately.mws Giantsfan080 2006-08-03T09:08:01-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/things_i_have_had_enough_of_lately.mws -The whole Mel Gibson story. The media is murdering this guy. Holy crap just let it go. No one cares anymore. -The summer heat. The weather in Syracuse is supposed to be mildly hot this time of year until the last two weeks of August when you roast with every breath you take. This is ridiculous -Stupid people. I hate stupid ditzy people. With a passion. -My job. If it wasn't the last week I might seriously quit. All the fun people are gone and it just drives me nuts going to work each morning. -People who are just plain wierd. I was walking down to wegmans to get a sub and these assholes walked by me and just eyed me the whole time. Are you trying to get punched? -When people expect me to be able to read their mind or anticipate their every move. It's been happening more and more lately with more people. I do not read minds. If you want something tell me. -and of course last but never least my mom. She just gets on my nerves period. End of Rant.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/things_i_have_had_enough_of_lately.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/did_you_know.mws Giantsfan080 2006-08-07T10:08:53-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/did_you_know.mws That they make ass floss?? I didn't until today. You learn something new everyday. Someone tossed it in the storage room at work. It prevents chapping and dingleberries. Ha betcha you didn't know what a dingleberry was either. I'll let you figure that one out on your own.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/did_you_know.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=405 Giantsfan080 2006-08-09T10:08:07-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=405 Went to Hooters for dinner tonite with Ethan, Noel, Craig, Dan and Dan's gf. It was all you could eat wings for 10 bucks. Not a bad deal. I had 35 or so. It was shitty service though. It took over 2 hours for us to all get three plates of wings. Ridiculous. We ended up walking out and I know that's a shitty thing to do but the place was emptying and we had been waiting 35 mins for our 4th plates so we said fuck it time to go. I was supposed to hang out w/ jess but that didn't happen. Oh well. Four more days of work. I can do this. I think. I'm leaving early maybe the last day cuz it's Matt's 10th bday. Still gotta get him a present. No idea what to get him. Anyway I think I'm going to crash.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/405 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=406 Giantsfan080 2006-08-11T06:08:58-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=406 The weather this morning was an unbelieveable 48 degrees when I left for work. That's half of what it was last week. But that's CNY weather for you. So far I've been back to running for 2 weeks and nothing horrible has happened. Good thing. I do need to get new shoes though. Mine are about a year old and worn down.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/406 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=407 Giantsfan080 2006-08-14T03:08:38-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=407 Last day of work yesterday. Only worked half a shift and then turned in my keys and left. Free from work finally. Matt had his 10 birthday yesterday. Not a big party but there was about half the family there. Sleeping in today was quite possibly the best feeling I've had in months. I set the alarm for about 830 woke up and then got into that sleep stage where you're not really awake or asleep but not concious at all and then passed out till about 10 or so. I need to buy new running shoes before I go back to school because the ones I have are worn out and I think they're either causing or contributing to the pain below my knee caps and on my heel. Or it's something totally different. Either way I'd like to be healthy before going back to the crappy terrain at school. Painted the overhang on my back door patio today. And started to get ready to pack for school. I feel rather accomplished.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/407 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=408 Giantsfan080 2006-08-16T05:08:59-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=408 Damn it I did it again. Somethings wrong with my leg. More specifically the tendons or ligaments connecting my upper foot and shin area. And my knees are still cracking and aching afterwards. I'm hoping it's just my shoes are worn out but we'll see. I took a few days off and I felt really good after my run today. And now there's this ache.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/408 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=409 Giantsfan080 2006-08-17T11:08:54-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=409 I went and saw World Trade Center with Jess and Jenn last night. I thought it was a pretty good movie overall. Stone kept the politics out of it and stuck to the story of those who ran in there without regard for their own lives to try and help people. The only thing I didn't like about the movie was one of the wives. For whatever reason she got on my nerves. Other than that it was a good movie.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/409 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=410 Giantsfan080 2006-08-19T12:08:37-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=410 One week from today I'll be back in Geneseo. That's going to be a wierd. It'll be a different style of living with a few new people. New classes, new faces, new challenges. I have to start making a few desicions that are going to affect the rest of my life. Like a major or two majors or what I'm even interested and what job do I want to get. But I hate making those choices because that means that I have to start living up to more expectations. What I can and can't do are slowly going to be limited and I don't want them to be. I like being 18 and having the freedom to do pretty much whatever I want whenever I want. That doesn't mean I'm a total slacker, I can work hard if I can find the motivation. That's one of my problems I think is that I go through cycles of high motivation and make alot of plans on what I'm going to accomplish, like reading a new book or knowing what the professor is going to be discussing ahead of time, or working up to running 10 miles or more at once. And then life gets in the way, or I should say I let it get in the way. Hopefully I'll be able to prevent that this year. But life has that tendency to thwart my plans no matter what I plan on doing. Last night Jess and I got in a bit of a fight. Or rather I just got pissed off and kinda made it a fight. Right now I don't feel like going into the reasons why or what happened because I'm still sorting through it all in my head. But with one week left I definately do not want to head back to school in a fight or even slightly upset at each other. Our relationship means too much to me for that to happen. We've been dating for 10 months I believe and we're still not totally on the same level as the other one is. At the same time this is kind of new territory for the both of us. Neither has had a relationship that has lasted this long so as for me I'm not really sure as to what to expect over the next few months in terms of how things go or how serious we are or how serious we get. That's another thing I have to work on. Thinking way too much about things. Time for a run in the rain to clear my head.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/410 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=411 Giantsfan080 2006-08-20T05:08:02-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=411 Haha grandmothers make life so much easier. Or at least mine does.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/411 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=412 Giantsfan080 2006-08-20T05:08:31-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=412 So yesterday I decided to try my legs out on my first real long run in quite awhile. I was going to do the Howlett Hill run but I don't know the distances and I don't have a watch so I couldn't time it. So instead I settled on a more flat route that wound up and down six streets at about a half mile a street and then turned around and repeated it back. So in the end about 6 miles and a bit. Not too bad. Not at a fast pace at all and there were a number of aches and pinches through out the run. Something really is wrong with the top of my foot/ankle area. Not sure what though but at least my shins are holding up so far. Gotta go pick up some new shoes this week. Today was just a 2 and bit run to stretch my legs out after yesterday. Still a bit of an ache in my hip area.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/412 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=413 Giantsfan080 2006-08-21T12:08:05-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=413 Last night Jess, Jenn and I went to Dan's apartment for some beer pong. Stupidly I volunteered to drive. I have no idea what possesed me to do that but it actually wasn't that bad. I played a game or two and then had jess drink the rest of my beer for the night. They both had alot for them and driving them home was hilarious. I'm not sure what was funnier; Jenn repeating over and over how she wanted to feel my friend's ass or Jess's laughing fit that lasted a good 10 mins. Either way it was a good time and hopefully we'll get to do it agian before I go back to school. Talked to one of my new suitemates tn and he seems ok. He's a freshman which means he wont' be an ass and he'll look up to us. Later this week I may go to Geneseo for the day to visit a friend who's already up there but we'll see. anyway time for bed.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/413 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=415 Giantsfan080 2006-08-21T06:08:52-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=415 Went and got a new iPod today. They couldn't fix my old one so they just gave me a new one. Waiting for it to charge up. Also got a new hat and some shirts and a pair of pants. Jenn txted me today and told me that we're going to see Godsmack, Rob Zombie and Shinedown. That pretty much has made my day today. Anyone who wants to top it is welcome to try. I'm not a huge Rob Zombie fan but Godsmack and Shinedown are awesome bands. The concert is Sept. 4th at Darien Lake. We probably won't have great seats but they should be ok. Besides I get to go to Darien Lake one last time before they close it.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/415 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/tell_me_if_im_wrong.mws Giantsfan080 2006-08-23T12:08:01-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/tell_me_if_im_wrong.mws Silence really doesn't accomplish much. Those things unsaid just lay there eating away at you. You want to say something, anything but nothing work just right for what you're feeling. So today was not that great of a day. First all of my brother's fish died and he blames it on me because I was supposed to take care of them over the weekend and kinda forgot. I think it was a new fish that he got a carnival that had some type of disease or bacteria. Then my dog was just not looking good today so my mom tells me to keep an eye on her. I go upstairs for a second and when I come back down there's a pile of puke on the floor. But I've never seen puke like this before, it's all mucus and it doesn't smell like puke. It's like she has a cold and has been swallowing the mucus all day. Ok kinda gross but yea. So then around 5 or so my friend heather calls and asks if I want to go to dinner. I went out w/ heather for a few weeks in junior year but it didn't really work out. But we're still pretty good friend and I hadn't seen her in awhile so I said yea but I have to be to bingo by 7 cuz I'm going w/ Jess and her family. She's like yea np we'll be done by then. So I txt Jess and let her know whats up and she says ok. I go and it was getting closer to 7 and I told Jess that Heather would give me a ride because I might be late. And she says don't bother coming. Which kinda made me stop a second and think..hold on I'm leaving for school in 4 days and you dont' want to see me? So I ask why and she replies with because you'd obv rather spend time with an ex gf than w/ me. Which is complete and utter bullshit. At least from my point of view because I wasn't blowing her off I still planned on being at bingo with her. But I guess not being there when she got there wasn't good enough. I have no idea what's going on and how we can go from a good nite like we had last nite were we didn't argue or fight at all to tn were now it seems like we're not speaking to each other. 10 months and there's still immature childish shit like this? but maybe I'm wrong and this is all my fault somehow? I doubt it.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/tell_me_if_im_wrong.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=417 Giantsfan080 2006-08-25T12:08:50-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=417 Went to the State fair yesterday with Jess Jenn and Kevin. It was a pretty good time. Not too hot and not rainy. The traffic in and around the fair was horrid though so I'm glad we took the bus. It's a pretty good deal. One dollar there and one on the way back to the parking lot. We did pretty much everything you could do there. Rides, a few games, free samples (which are probably the best part of the fair) the butter sculpture, checked out the exhibits in the buildings, even watched a pony show for like 15 mins. The only bad part of the fair is that it's a drain on the wallet. And we didn't even pay to get in and I still walked out broke. Eh oh well it was still a good time. If any of you end up in the central new york area around this time in August I suggest you go and check it out. Today I'm going to finish up laundry and pack away the last few things for moving back tm. Then tn after Jess goes car shopping I think we're going over to our friend's house for a party and then probably just go and hang out and enjoy the last few hours together. Then sometime tm morning I leave for school. It'll be good to be back but I will miss a few things. Anyway next time you hear from me I'll be back in Geneseo.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/417 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=418 Giantsfan080 2006-08-27T02:08:09-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=418 So I'm all moved in. Got the books at the usual outrageous prices. Matt decided to just drop his stuff off and take off so his crap is just kinda lying all over the place. But I don't think I want to set my stuff up again if he wants to change the room. It would just be ridiculous and take too long. Now I gotta go to a floor meeting and then head to wal-mart and get a few more things.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/418 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=419 Giantsfan080 2006-08-28T07:08:31-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=419 First day of classes today. I had Spanish first which wasn't too bad. Looks like lots of homework though. I had politics next which should be pretty good. I had the professor last year and I like her. Then there was the disaster known as History of modern art. I think I'm going to drop it. It just seems pointless and dumb. But maybe it could be a pretty easy grade. We'll see what I can take tm during the drop/add period. Tomorrow is both of my psychology classes.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/419 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=420 Giantsfan080 2006-08-30T02:08:11-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=420 It's been 4 days and I'm in trouble already here. Damnit. Basically what happened was that our common room didn't come with any furniture and we needed something to sit on so we went into teh common room of the quad on our floor and took a couch and a pretty nice recliner, figuring that no one will really use these because the rest of the suites already brought all their furniture. So the RA told me to put it back but she just said to put it back sometime. Rather vague and so I figured we'd keep it a few more days. It's not like we were intentionally stealing it and I didn't know it was that big of a deal. Then yesterday the RD comes up and says that she's writing up the whole suite because we were warned twice and didn't put it back yet. Remember that 5 out of the 8 guys in the suite are already on defered suspension. I had just got off probation so I'm going down now to talk to the RD and see if I can just take this one. Otherwise they could be in a bit of trouble. After this its off to the history of modern western art. whoohoo. not.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/420 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=421 Giantsfan080 2006-08-30T05:08:11-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=421 That meeting actually went really well. I went down and introduced myself and told her what happened and that it was just a mix up and a miscommunication. Because last year kids took furniture from the lounges all the time and put it in their room. But I guess technically thats against college policy and it's theft. We weren't told that last year so we didn't know. So instead of a write up we used up our one free pass for the year. Which sucks because I'm going to need as many of those as I can get. But not that big of a deal. She also talked to the 5 guys in our suite that are on deferred suspension and let them know that she knows who they are and where they're living and that she'll be keeping an eye on them. Oh well. Guess that means that maybe we need to buy another futon or couch or something. Or everyone just gets to sit on the floor.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/421 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=422 Giantsfan080 2006-09-01T10:09:36-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=422 Friday. Finally. Actually yesterday was my easiest day but still it just feels good to know that the weekend is here. Joined the school newspaper yesterday. I figured I might as well get involved in something since my grades aren't so great. Right now I'm writing for the sports section. I'd like to do politics but they don't really have much on that. Oh well. It should be fun. I have two articles due Monday and I'm waiting for the email telling me what I'm supposed to write them on. Probably just a synopsis of a few national games possibly football.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/422 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=423 Giantsfan080 2006-09-05T01:09:41-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=423 Went to Darien Lake yesterday and saw Godsmack, Shinedown, and Rob Zombie. Not really a Rob Zombie fan but they put on a good show. Shinedown was great and Godsmack just blew me away. Literally almost blew my ears away anyway. We were front row and I think what made the show so great is that those guys were having a blast while they played. They were laughing and joking with each other and still putting on a kickass show. They did some pretty cool things, like their lead singer and their drummer each had a drum solo and then did a drum duet basically. Damn good show. The park itself wasn't too great. It was cold so we couldn't go on any water rides and a few of the coasters were closed.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/423 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=424 Giantsfan080 2006-09-06T11:09:10-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=424 Ahhh! so much schoolwork to do. School is ruining my life. Thank god tomorrow is thirsty thursday. And the start of NFL season. Back to the books. Ugh.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/424 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=425 Giantsfan080 2006-09-10T05:09:47-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=425 Giants opener is at 8 tonight. I know where I'll be from 8 to about 1030. Hopefully they can pull out a win but the Colts are always tough. Much work to do before then.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/425 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=426 Giantsfan080 2006-09-11T05:09:23-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=426 I haven't been saying much on here lately. Haven't had much of a chance to sit down and collect my thoughts. I've only been at school for a little over 2 weeks but it still feels like forever. This year is so much more work than last year. Lot of reading. Plus I'm writing for the paper, and getting involved in other ways. Hopefully I'll be able to make it through this year in one piece but we shall see. This weekend was rough. Friday night I went to a informal rush with Matt for the free beer and it was a pretty good time. Had alot to drink but not too much. Then Saturday night was just...bad...very very bad. I did alot of stupid things that night apparently. Anyway that's it for now. Time to write my article for the paper and then do all my work.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/426 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=427 Giantsfan080 2006-09-19T12:09:18-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=427 Sorry I haven't updated in awhile. I've just been busy. Also I'm pretty lazy too. But that's beside the point. Yesterday a bunch of us went to Darien Lake and it was insanely fun. We went on probably every roller coaster and we went on the Superman 3 times. It's alot more intense in the front of the cars. Had a good time. but the best ride of all was probably the Skycoaster. Basically what they do is strap you to a smock like apparatus and lift you up a few hundred feet connected to a bungee cord and then you pull the cord and you just drop. Me kelley and emily did it. Matt sat out because he's afraid of heights. It was the greatest adrenaline rush I've ever had. I was still on it for another 20 mins or so. I drove home because Laksh didn't want to drive. She got two tickets in a about 12 hours. One for open containter the night before and then a speeding ticket on the way to the park. So I offered to drive home. I thought I had been to the boonies before but this was a whole new level. After that I pretty much passed out for awhile. Today woke up went to classes came home and wrote my article for the paper. I've been struggling to get as many words as they want. Its hard to do 400 words on a cross country meet. I usually end up 15 words short so it's not too bad. Anyway time for bed. promise ill update more often. maybe.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/427 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=428 Giantsfan080 2006-09-20T08:09:01-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=428 Long day today. Too much time spent in the library. However I did find out that my stats test is put off till Tuesday which is awesome because that means no class at all tm. which means party tonite. Good stuff. Maybe another update later.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/428 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=429 Giantsfan080 2006-09-22T12:09:47-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=429 Thank god it's friday. thats all I have to say. I need a weekend badly.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/429 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=430 Giantsfan080 2006-09-24T01:09:28-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=430 Alrighty here's the to do list today since I'm not going to the falls at letch. Clean my room/suite common room Study for Stats Study for Contemporary Art History Read the rest of my Abnormal Psych chapter Watch as much football as possible. Ignore the first 4 tasks. It should be a good day.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/430 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=431 Giantsfan080 2006-09-25T07:09:31-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=431 So this week I got the Out of Bounds article for the paper. Basically 400-500 words on any national sports topic of my choice. I decided to do a wrap-up of the regular season/preview of the playoffs for baseball. I came up with the idea of writing an editorial asking why doesn't Geneseo have a football team. My editor loves it but wants to give me more time to work on it. So I'm pretty pumped for that since it might go from the front of the sports page to the actual front page. But we'll see. It's going to be quite alot of work since I'll have to interview the President of the college, the AD, and a few other important people. Then maybe a few students and then finally write a really good article. My editor brought it up with the editor in chief so I have to bring my writing up another level this week. Plus I'm swamped with two tests tomorrow and wednesday. And a rather large spanish assignment. And having to find a job. Also I have to start looking up stuff for my big research paper for political science. Whoohooo. Going to be way way too much time spent in the library this week. But on the plus side Jess comes up this weekend so it'll be nice to just relax with her and hang out. But right now I have to go study for stats and make 72 flashcards for art history and memorize them for wednesday.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/431 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=432 Giantsfan080 2006-09-26T02:09:33-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=432 I've been swamped with work lately. Today I woke up studied more for my stats test, took my stats test..which i think I did damn good on. Next came the library to email some people in the administration to set up interviews for my article. Of course the bigger ones blew me off. Bastards. Oh well. Then I had lunch and did some Spanish homework. Still have half of that to do. Then for the rest of today I have to study for art history, work more on my article, go to psych class, eat dinner, study more and then get working on the readings. Lotta work..little time. The fact that I'm a horrible procrastinator doesn't help but I'm working on it. I think being busy helps me. Oh yea and I have to and drop off the applications for a job on Main St.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/432 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=433 Giantsfan080 2006-09-28T07:09:22-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=433 Just got back from the Lamron meeting. The usual crap except that in the middle of the meeting I turn around and look out in to the mailroom and I see this guy on the ground being arrested by two cops. I figure it was something relatively normal at a college like pot or something but then I see the other cop holding what looks like two guns. One was looked like an assult rifle and the other one was a repeater. Looking closer I realized that they were actually fakes but still...who brings fake guns to a mailroom??? What is wrong with this world? Anyway that kind of spiced up the meeting.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/433 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=434 Giantsfan080 2006-10-04T10:10:28-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=434 Been too busy/lazy to update lately. So here it goes before I go and take this Spanish test. Basically I've never been so busy in my life. School is just hectic and crazy. But everythings going pretty good class-wise I suppose. Last weekend Jess came up for the weekend and it was pretty good. We didn't do much just kinda hung out which was fine I guess. Definately not my normal weekend. I would've liked her to go out and meet some of the people I hang out with but shit happens. I'm going home this weekend for fall break. Maybe get some birthday cash. Also I'm trying to figure out where I'll be living next year, even though this year has barely started. I guess you have to sign leases pretty early in the year if you want a place off campus. Right now it looks like me and Matt will be living with 6 girls we're friends with in a house or in apartments with them.Or we may end up living with Ethan and Eric in an apartment somewhere. I don't really mind either way. A house would be nice and probably a great time but it would be expensive and hard to find a nice one that fits 8 people. So we'll see. I wrote an update yesterday while I was watching this incredibly boring and depressing movie for abnormal psych that I may or may not post later. We'll see.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/434 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=435 Giantsfan080 2006-10-06T05:10:48-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=435 Just got home awhile ago. Feels good to be home for a bit. Dad finally caved and bought a new computer and I like it. Unfortunately I have massive amounts of work to do this weekend. I've had more work this year than in my entire life. I'm home till Monday or Tuesday. Depends on when my ride goes back. Right now though it's time to go crash on my couch.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/435 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=436 Giantsfan080 2006-10-12T10:10:21-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=436 So it's my birthday today and I decided I might as well make an entry since I haven't in awhile. Basically I'm just too lazy. It happens. but yea I have only one class today and I decided to actually go. Then start celebrating. Oh yea and I have a politics test tomorrow. What shitty timing that was. Good thing I studied last night.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/436 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=437 Giantsfan080 2006-10-13T03:10:01-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=437 So I survived my birthday. It was a pretty crazy night. Or at least for me it was. Today is incredibly windy here. I think we have gusts upwards of 30mph. I kinda wish we had the 2 feet of snow that Buffalo had. That would be a nice birthday suprise.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/437 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=438 Giantsfan080 2006-10-16T12:10:22-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=438 Way way way way too much work to do today. I've been working since about 2 in the library. Took a break around 6 for some dinner and some football and then again at 10 for Flavor of Love finale. I still have a one page psych paper to write, two articles for the paper and a political science reading. Going to be a late night for me. And I had planned on a morning run tomorrow too. Oh well. Maybe if I get done by 130-2 then I can. It's going to be a busy week in general. I have a term paper in my political science class due at the end of the semester. 20 pages on a research question that I had to make up. Mine is on Theodore Roosevelt and how he was the first activist president and also why that precedent was not followed until FDR's presidency. I went to the library today and got a few books to start research. A few of them are upwards of 500 pages. Going to be a lot of reading this week. I may have to start getting up early or something. But Friday Jess is coming down and then Sunday I get to go to the Bills game. So I just have to make it through this week. Oh and my stats test on Thursday.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/438 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=439 Giantsfan080 2006-10-17T10:10:24-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=439 It's cold and rainy and generally crappy out. I want to go back to bed. Till about 2.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/439 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=440 Giantsfan080 2006-10-24T10:10:51-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=440 alrite here's my update. I'm starting to suck at this. I just don't take the time to sit down and think things out to write thats all. But anyway this past Friday was Jess' and mine one year anniversary. She came up that day and stayed the night. It was a good weekend overall. Probably one of the best we've had in awhile. It just felt good being with her. We went and saw that movie the Prestige and it was really good. For the few of you who still read this I recommend going to see it. Saturday we just hung out at home and then Sunday I went to Buffalo for the Bills' game with my dad and my brothers. It was a birthday present to my youngest brother from back in August because his favorite team is the Patriots. Speaking of football did anyone watch the Giants romp on T.O and the Cowboys? That was probably the best game I've seen all year. Anyway the job search continues. Hopefully I'll find one soon. If not then definately next semester but I could use the money now.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/440 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=441 Giantsfan080 2006-10-25T04:10:03-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=441 I went and declared a major today. Finally. I decided on psychology for right now. I may change/add to political science, history or even communications. I also have to start looking at classes for next semester already. I think that will be my goal for the weekend. Still nothing on the job front. I guess I'll go apply to the busiest pizza place in town. I'm just hoping they don't want weekend night shifts. That doesn't work for me. I've also started to think a little bit about pledging a fraternity w/ matt next semester. After I move off campus I need some way of making contacts and I think it would be a good time. We'll see. I have a long time to decide before I actually have to pledge.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/441 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=442 Giantsfan080 2006-10-27T05:10:55-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=442 Managed to lose my swipe card last nite. Or so I thought. After I went and spent 10 bucks on a new one my roomate shows up and goes oh yea heres your card I used it last nite. Hahaha oh well. Im debating whether I want to really get anything done before the weekend activities begin. I say no. But I cant do work Sunday because the Giants play and then its the Flavor of Love reunion. So my schedule is pretty full.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/442 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=443 Giantsfan080 2006-10-28T12:10:23-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=443 I have a crapload of work to do today. Have Spanish hw, politics research, art reading, study for abnormal pysch, read stats and do the chapter excersices. Oh and of course get ready for the Halloween parties. Doesn't help that I just woke up. And that I didn't get to talk to Jess last night because I forgot my phone in my room. that was no good. anyway better hop in the shower and get started on this craziness known as life.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/443 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=444 Giantsfan080 2006-10-29T10:10:41-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=444 I've done absolutely no work today. I have no desire to do work. I did a little spanish earlier but I stopped when the Giants came on. Watched them and then went to dinner w/ Jess's family at her aunts house. It was really good to see her and to have a home cooked meal. Then I came back here and just crashed on the futon and watched tv. Waiting for the Flavor of Love Reunion to be on again. If our tv will work. The wind has been screwing w/ the cable here. Last nite was great. We all dressed up and went out and had a damn good time. I was a redneck, matt was a sucide bomber, ethan was Kim Jong Il and Eric was Hitler. I went and bought a shotgun that shoots nerf darts and spray painted it black so it looked pretty good. I might go out on actually Halloween but I doubt it. Not much going on that I know of. Anyway time to read a bit before the show.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/444 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=445 Giantsfan080 2006-10-31T04:10:41-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=445 I feel incredibly productive today. Woke up at 8:45, went to the gym for a quick run and a workout, then went to class then the library to study for my test I just took which I finished in 20 minutes and I'm pretty sure I aced. Good day indeed. We'll see if I can do that again tomorrow. Tonight I have some Spanish hw and politics but other than that I should be done. I may just sit back and relax or keep doing research. We'll see how I feel. I'm getting a bit sick too. Just a sore throat but it's annoying.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/445 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=446 Giantsfan080 2006-11-05T12:11:53-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=446 I'm avoiding studying for my exams so I figured I'd update a bit. I have two tests tomorrow. One in Spanish and the other in Art History. I'm not too concerned though I probably should be. For whatever reason though I can't bring myself to be though. I'm going up to the library so I don't have the added temptation of watching football today. Last night Matt Ethan and I went out to Sig Nu. It was pretty good at first but then it just got ridiculously packed. So we were drinking outside in the backyard and all of a sudden we see this kid getting kicked out of the party. So he starts talking shit and pushing some of the brothers. Dumb idea, one of the stupidest things he could've done. Next thing he knows he's getting rushed by 10 or 15 frat brothers. They throw him out into the street and he keeps coming at them. They pin him and beat him a little bit and then push him away.. he does it again. Same thing happens and this just goes halfway down the street. It was probably one of the craziest things I've ever seen at school.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/446 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=447 Giantsfan080 2006-11-14T09:11:42-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=447 Internet has been down in the building lately. That's why I haven't had a chance to update really. I'll have to update later.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/447 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=448 Giantsfan080 2006-11-15T11:11:38-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=448 Alrite here's an update. Internet has been out for awhile and I've been busy as hell. This happens to by my hell week of the year. Two quizzes, two tests, a paper to work and a paper to finish by Monday. Fun times. I'm thinking of switching my address to the library's quiet room because that's where I am everyday. Anyway Jess came up this weekend and it was a really good time. She came up Friday and we just hung out and watched Urban Legends. Pretty laid back till all the drunk kids came back. Saturday we just hung around till about 5ish and then we went to a dinner party with some friends of mine. We went to a Japanese steakhouse in the next town over. It was a crappy night out to begin with and none of knew really where we were going..though my roomate claimed he did. So we got lost a few times but eventually we found it. I think there were 11 or 12 of us at the restaurant. It was amazing food. It was the type of restaurant where they made the food right in front of you. And so we just ate there and had a sake bomb chugoff before we left. It wasn't bad. Then we went to genesee and hung out with some of the people we went to dinner with. It was mostly the girls I'm living w/ next year. I was pretty happy that Jess decided to hang out w/ them because I wanted her to get to know them and be somewhat comfortable around them. It was a good nite..till someone decided to get sick 6 hours after we stopped drinking.. lol but yea good times all around. Now off to class and begining another longish day.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/448 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/instead_of_writing_a_paper.mws Giantsfan080 2006-11-19T03:11:00-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/instead_of_writing_a_paper.mws Alright weekend update. My phone is busted. It got busted Thursday night at a party. So I've basically been unable to talk to people since then. Which isnt good when youre in a long distance relationship. I'm going home Tuesday though. Sometime after psych class. Friday night wasn't that great. The party was just kinda dead. Plus Matt and ethan kept running off to make sales. Oh well these things happen. Saturday night was just out of hand and wierd. We started around 5ish during the Ohio St. game which I won 10 bucks off of. Then we went to genesee to hang out there. Drank there till about 10 and then went out. Played a few games and stuff nothing special. Then we went back to genesee. Oops. One of the girls, Ashley, had this really really annoying punk/emo/skater kid she had been trying to lose all night. I guess they had been hanging out all day and he was supposed to go meet up w/ his friends and never did. So he was getting on everyone's nerves. Somehow, I'm not quite sure how we got the bright idea of breaking his skateboard after he left. Well bad idea. I snapped it and then Matt took it and broke it over his knee. And Ashley came out and flipped out on Matt because he was holding the broken pieces. He just kept saying it's not my fault I didn't do it. Then when she slammed the door he went off telling her the maybe if he wore a studded belt like the losers she usually liked then she'd like him. and he may have called her and emo bitch. I'm not sure. But he left and I just hung around and talked to emily to about 245ish. Went back and we decided we wanted pizza. So Matt, Ethan, Eric and I walked up to Mia's, almost getting into 2 confrontation along the way. Mia's was closed so we tried another place. Also closed. Eventually we bought food from a street vendor outside a bar. On teh way back Matt and Ethan started arguing over stupid crap and Matt said some out of line stuff. So I had to fix that when we got back. Finally around 430-5ish I fell into bed. Woke up and went and talked things out with Ashely which went alot better than I thought it would. Then went to the library to work on my Spanish project, then to the art gallery for my paper which is due tomorrow. Have to do that now. Ugh.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/instead_of_writing_a_paper.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=450 Giantsfan080 2006-11-20T03:11:48-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=450 Winter has definately hit Geneseo. 27 degrees. great.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/450 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/here_goes_nothing.mws Giantsfan080 2006-11-27T07:11:16-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/here_goes_nothing.mws Ok night's the night. I begin the 20 page paper that is one third of my Presidential Politics grade. I have till next Monday at 130 pm. I have some research done, a general outline and the ability to pull papers out of my ass at the last minute. Going against me I have a lack of motivation, several invitations to parties this week/weekend, other homework and concerns and a sense of apathy that seems to hit me right around this time of year every year. We'll see how this goes.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/here_goes_nothing.mws http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=452 Giantsfan080 2006-12-10T04:12:30-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=452 three days before exams begin. and im hit with a huge feeling of apathy. i have no desire to do work or study or really anything for that matter. really just want to fast forward to monday at about this time.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/452 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=453 Giantsfan080 2007-01-01T11:01:16-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=453 Happy New Years everyone.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/453 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=454 Giantsfan080 2007-01-17T01:01:13-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=454 Good to be back. Feels like home. I'm looking forward to classes and those challenges and also pledging. It's gonna be rough but I've been through worse I'm sure. "Because it's not falling down that hurts the most, its the knowledge that you know you can't get up again, and I've always been able to stand on my own two feet."

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/454 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=455 Giantsfan080 2007-01-23T01:01:27-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=455 so heres the update on school Political Theory: Probably going to be my hardest class. We're reading Aristotle, Rousseau, Aquinas, Hobbes and one modern political thinker. The guy's a bit of a nut. And its my first class and I always do bad in those. US Foreign Policy: Should do ok. I'd probably do better if I had him for an early class. Human Bio: Easy A. Everytime I have a class with kelley we do pretty good. Plus its a 100 leve class. Research Methods: Could be a toughie. I'm not great with math so I'm going to have to put in alot of work and effort. Developmental Psychopathology: Just as cool as it sounds. It's all about how disorders arise through childhood and into adolescene. Hard class, almost a 400 level but if I can keep up I can see a B+ And I'm pledging this semester which will take up an incredible amount of time plus writing for the paper still and possible an assistant editor position there and joining Outing club which does like rock climbing, sky diving and other outdoor crap. All in all...gonna be crazy.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/455 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=456 Giantsfan080 2007-01-24T10:01:33-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=456 somehow today i turn my alarm off w/out waking up.... so there goes the first class of the day.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/456 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=457 Giantsfan080 2007-01-26T11:01:20-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=457 It's freezing. The heat in the building gave out and its 6 degrees outside. Screw class I'm climbing into bed and staying there.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/457 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=458 Giantsfan080 2007-02-02T06:02:48-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=458 Oh but I do love Fridays.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/458 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=459 Giantsfan080 2007-02-05T09:02:05-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=459 global warming my ass! it is now 3 degrees here in Geneseo. Feeling like -11. And this is supposed to be the WARM part of the week....

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/459 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=460 Giantsfan080 2007-02-07T10:02:57-05:00 http://giantsfan080.mindsay.com/?entry=460 I have never had this much schoolwork in my life. I have a simple one page project due for research methods, a test in that on Monday, a bio lab to finish, a chapter in that to read and outline, two chapters of St. Thomas Aquinas to read and absorb, memorize the location of 90 countries and 60 capitals, and I think one chapter on foreign policy in the late 70's and early 80's. I'm exahusted and this weekend is going to be absolute insanity. Tomorrow I have the meeting at the paper then a speaker for bio then a party at the house with the RLK girls and their pledges. Friday Jess comes up..which should be interesting. Saturday morning I find out if I got a bid or not to Sig Nu, Jess will still be there. Then maybe an hour or two of studying and then the first night of pledging which sounds like just a big party. Then Sunday is work/study all day. Maybe Monday I'll sleep. Gotta love college.

]]> http://www.mindsay.com/comments/Giantsfan080/460